I really thought this Xmas season would have been just a flat, cement color piece of meaningless time.
Then some things started to happen that have been uplifting my mood . I take each of these moments as they come and I live as they are. I don’t want upset the Xmas Spirit...:-)
First, some lab test went back and they were normal. I got sick lately and my doc was concerned about some symptoms that might could have be the signs of something even serious.
Then my daughter kicked and complained all the way to her father’s place where she will be spending her Xmas time. I know she is going to be ok but it felt good she wanted stay with her mommy for Xmas...:-)
Then am enjoying more than usual the great connections I have been able to tend with some great people her at SC....I know that even Xmas s day I will be all alone I can always log here and I will find some gentle soul to share my time and my mind with...its more than a lot of people can say to have...”-)
And then my mom sent me not one but TWO Xmas boxes!! This is a feast!
In the small one there are only presents for my daughter. They are already underneath the Xmas tree and we will open them when she is back the 26th. I know that she sent her a MP3.... this only saved me headaches and money...something I am very grateful for ...:-)
In the big box my mom sent us her handmade Xmas chocolate cookies. And this saved me from baking them. I wasn’t in a very good mood to bake. But these cookies taste of Xmas for me. I grew up eating them each single Xmas...I feel better only knowing they are in my cookie jar...:-)..
But what made this box so precious was still to come.
And made me feel as my sister sent me some presents even this year, as any other years, when she can’t possibly sending me anything...
.
That’s because my mom put inside 3 of her necklaces and her newest winter jacket ....the same I was admiring when I went back to Italy for her funeral.....see, my little sister died in October.
When I thought all her precious cargo was revealed the box opened up to me the real treasure: the jacket was folded in a way to protect a wrapped box. I opened it and as soon as I did it...I started to cry. Inside there was a black and white framed picture of my sister.
A picture I have never seen of her. In this picture she is absolutely and beautifully herself. With her usual grinning smile, the typical sardonic look she had when she was going to tell us one of her amazingly funny jokes.
When I opened the box my daughter was with me. I couldn't stop the emotions hitting like waves....She let me cry for a little while then she said to me” I miss her too, mama. But look, this is her perfect spot”.
One wall of my apartment is full of black and white pictures of my family and me. Between one picture of me when I was 20 yrs old and my parent’s wedding day there was a picture of my daughter.
She took this down and at her place she put my sister picture. “See, it looks like she is looking up at you and you are looking down at her”. She said.
She was right. Could have she been more gentle and intuitive to give me comfort with such few words, such thoughtful gesture?
I was staring at tha picture yesterday. It reveals to me how much my sister was indeed looking like me, and my father. I guess I never really seen it when she was alive. I remember how cruel my brother and I used to be when we were kids teasing her and telling she must have been adopted ...she didn’t look like the rest of us...she told me later in life she firmly believed we were right.....how I wish somebody would have washed my mouth with the soap then....
But now my sister is smiling. At me .Forever.
Merry Christmas.
