• moonriver said on Dec 14, 2006....

  adult 'meltdown' room -- hmm, i'd love to head-bang on that. 6-inch lead shielding and another 6-inch tough rubber padding on all sides.
   

• isit5yet? said on Dec 14, 2006....

  funny how sometimes you can read something and feel as if you've already read it. or even better that you personally wrote it...

• mobil said on Dec 14, 2006....

  Well shit SL, I don't know if you're mad or sad, either way it's not good. I

  hope you get to feeling better soon.

  Maybe a game of pool sometime would help? ha ha Anyway, at least you know to call it Supper now !

• silverwhisper said on Dec 14, 2006....

  SL: i know precisely what you mean.
  
  ed

• mobil said on Dec 14, 2006....

  I wish I did,  I read it again, cansel the last of what I
  said first please?

• lioneljay said on Dec 14, 2006....

  As someone else said here, sometimes life just sucks. It isn't fair, rational, or even explicable. It just is.
  
  Swallow away, SL. We understand.
  

• IFMU said on Dec 14, 2006....

  Got to agree with a few others here, understand that one all too well.

• Mamie said on Dec 14, 2006....

  hey SL: I am sorry for your hurt feelings. You can let it out here. Stop eating that! I used to do that too, but it made me sick! I am sure my fam wishes I would go back to eating it more...but I'm not. best to you, Mamie

• writerspirit said on Dec 14, 2006....

  Hey SL,
  I too know whereof you speak. If you don't mind some amateur diagnosis, it sounds like "depression." Have you talked to your doctor about any of these feelings?
  If you keep swallowing all this pain you're going to explode; literally!
  You know, there's something to be said for those floor kicking, temper tantrums.
  Next time you're alone go for it! Let out all your emotions, then poor yourself a nice long drink and hit the couch.
  Remember that SC is always here for you; keep blogging. 

• IdeallySublime said on Dec 14, 2006....

  Hi again.  It's been awhile. 
   
  I used to be that way.  Thought letting people see you cry, meant you were weak.  It hurts like hell.  I thought I was depressed but the idea of therapy scared the crap out of my family.  All I wanted was a diagnoses and some drugs...uuuuummmmmmm...drugs.  Sorry. 
   
  Anyway, I didn't go.  And I had friends that were feeling the same way, all for different reasons.  So I took my chances with exposing myself.  I figured I couldn't feel any worse.  And I didn't.  Everything got better.  I couldn't fix everything, but I handled it all better.
   
  I don't mean to assume your problems are small, but maybe a weekly date with friends would help your situation.  If not, try a weekly date with a doctor (professionally or romantically ;-) 
   

• MissMimi said on Dec 14, 2006....

  SL, I wish I lived closer. I understand, I truly do.

  
  

  You do what you need to do. You're surrounded here by people who want to comfort you, when you're ready. (((hugs)))

• satyr said on Dec 14, 2006....

  SL, sometimes it hurts when it's not supposed to....when you didn't leave yourself open for it....when it's not fair....when there is nothing we can do.

  I think writerspirit has a good idea....go someplace where you can be alone, then be that 2 year old and throw that fit.....then have a stiff drink and hope that whatever comes out of it all is good.    

  {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

• gingersoul said on Dec 14, 2006....

  Sweetie, i simply want to hug you.

  I will be back later with words.

  Tonite i am too tired.

  But i do wish you to sleep deeply as a baby and tomorrow wake up smiling like a woman.

  Buonanotte.

• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Dec 15, 2006....

  Oh Secret...
  
  ((embraces))
  
  I know it so well...
  
  Isn´t it why we make use of SC?! Or what attracted us here in the first place?
  
  And yet...:
  
  Why do we need to put a mask even if we are in an anonymous community?!?  Isn´t it ironic...another mask on the mask?
  
  This is just me talking in general....
  
  I love you sweetheart...you know that don´t you?
  
  Joanna
  

• Lioness said on Dec 15, 2006....

  I sympathize with you SL.. Hope you get over that feeling soon. 

• Alyss said on Dec 15, 2006....

  secret; I recognise that swallowing sensation also.
  
  {hugs} for you.

• Jenna said on Dec 15, 2006....

  I am sorry baby girl...I hope this morning brings you a much better day!

  Can't keep pushing things down SL....

  You have to let it out .

  Sending huge hugs your way!

  Love you!

• soulreaver said on Dec 15, 2006....

  it catches up sooner or later...

• secretlife said on Dec 15, 2006....

  IMFU:  good to see you.  thank you for stopping by.
   
  writerspirit:  I was wishing last nite i lived alone and could have a real kicking crying jag.  Instead I did pour myself a nice big drink and talked for a while with a friend.  It does help to let it out.
   
  IS:  Hi.  Yes, it's been awhile.  I hope you are well and enjoying this christmas season.  i got a chuckle over the doctor comment...
   
  Mimi, Paper, Ginger, Mamie, Alyss, Jenna:  Thank you ladies.  I can always count on your warmth and kindness.
   
  It was harder yesterday than I thought going thru old posts and thinking of him in such turmoil.  Sometimes you feel so paralyzed. 
   
  I hope today will be a better day.

• missb said on Dec 15, 2006....

  Dear SL,
  I know how you're feeling. I'm also like that. I like to swallow and analyze it first, come up with a solution before i talk about it. I know you're hurting. Hope you'll feel better soon. [hugzzz]
  Cheers!

• EvilTwin said on Dec 15, 2006....

  [Hugs] for you, secret...  I know what that feels like too.
   
  Be strong.  Perhaps expressing yourself here might make up for the lack of an adult 'meltdown' room?...

• purrrkitten said on Dec 15, 2006....

  I understand. I've punched metal lightposts and brick walls trying to contain the sadness and anger inside so that no one else could see them. It comes out eventually though, so be careful.

  Is there someplace you can go that is peaceful and lonely where you can do what you need to find relief?

  Hugs and we're here for you when you need us.  (((((secret)))))

• longlegs said on Dec 15, 2006....

  SL I am feeling this exact same way today.  *hugs* to you.

• mom said on Dec 27, 2006....

  Hi SL,I used to be that way also, and sometimes I still am.  I used to feel that if I let someone see me hurting then they might use that against me.  I had a wall around me as thick as the wall of China.  First and foremost I had to be strong and tough.  I swallowed tears and pain for many years.  I did go to psychotherapy and it helped.  I can cry and show my anger.  My kids see me crying over movies and I don't care.  If I am upset I usually tell who ever it is that I am upset and why. You are human and entitled to feelings whether sadness or anger.  Get a big body pillow and put a name on it and when you get angry, punch it, beat it and let it out.
  Now when I get irritated or angry at home I growl.  It is weird but it helps.  You can only internalyize so much before imploding.  Good luck sweetie.

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