• dailyachesandpains said on Dec 14, 2006....

  Ed,
  Is a subject/person involved with your frustration?  Can you sit down and have a talk?  I was going to say remove yourself from whatever it is...that doesn't appear to be an option?  Can you get some meds, lol? Sorry, that's what helps me!
  {{{hugs}}}
  Daily

• longlegs said on Dec 14, 2006....

  Ed...I try to remove myself from the situation.  I learned from many years of being married to a very frustrating person to remove myself from things that I had no control over. 
  
  Sorry for your frustration.
  
  LL
  

• lioneljay said on Dec 14, 2006....

  Stress and frustration are no longer a part of my life. Now, some say that I will die in a vat of whiskey, but to them I say, "O, Death, where is thy sting?"
  
  Ed, I could tell you about my very successful method for reducing frustration, but I'd have to kill you.
  

• maemae said on Dec 14, 2006....

  That is a tough spot.  Frustration only exacerbates itself.
   
  At the risk of sounding crazy, why don't you try to express it more specifically in some form of writing.  Be it a blog or a story!
   
  I know you are an excellent writer, maybe you could write a story, wherein the thing you want to happen, does.  Maybe picturing the situation resolving itself, will help you get the clarity you seek.
   
  Also, My mother always says that we can not change others, we always have to look within, no matter how much it pisses us off.  Maybe focusing on others is not the answer.  It's only delaying the inevitable.  Address your issue with someone, whether they be related to it or not.  At least you'd be doing something, and something is better than nothing.
   
  Good luck!
  -Mae :-)

• peedee said on Dec 14, 2006....

  hi ! silverwhisper, I stay cool and i don't bark like a dog.

• purrrkitten said on Dec 14, 2006....

  I try to bite my tongue and go somewhere to rant on paper. Then I clarify my thoughts (again on paper) and either write a (semi) nice letter explaining my angst to the person or try to forget about it.

  Sometimes I just have to leave, go for a walk, rant at trees. Whatever gets my anger out away from hurting people.

  Sometimes, no matter what I do, I'm bound to get angry at the same person or happening again and again. So I just try to stay away from them and that situation period.

• queenparanoia said on Dec 14, 2006....

  when i'm frustrated i usually eat but since i realize that i was using food to numb my frustration. i tried a different approach. when i'm frustrated i close my eyes and inhale deeply. and then i try to think rationally. if that doesnt work i rant it here in soulcast.

• mobil said on Dec 14, 2006....

  I first go outside and get as far away from other human beings as

  physically possible.

   

  I scream, break things (nothing valuable) at least as I've gotten older, nothing valuable.

   

  I pitch a fit ed. I sometimes drive out into the wheat fields to do this.

  It's not pretty ed.

   

  Afterwards, I find that I can think more clearly. Often I still cannot

  fix or solve the problem. Though it seems less important or

  frustrating. I have no idea why !

• EvilTwin said on Dec 14, 2006....

  I often try meditation.  But to be honest, it isn't helping as much as it used to.  But I think you knew that...
   
  As you mentioned to me, it's all about perspective.  Maybe you could take a (figurative) step back and take stock of things?  Try to get a different perspective on things?  If you can see everything from a different view, you might be able to get a handle on things better...
   
  Whatever you decide, you know that you have friends that care and will be more than willing to try to help you...

• Bronx said on Dec 14, 2006....

  SW: uncomfortable state to be in right now; but this post is the right first-step to getting out of it.
  
  When I'm frustrated over anything, I realize immediately that my training and exposure are inadequate to solve my problem.
  
  So, I just stay cool and have a good laugh at myself: how I've been reduced to a 'mere mortal'. Ha ha.
  
  Then, I seek for the new wisdom I require externally because I know that there is usually an alternative solution right under my nose.
  
  I read up on the problem or do a methodical Internet search of similar problems and the personally relevant solutions found by 'experts' or 'victims'.
  
  Amazingly, too, the solution often turns out to be very simple!

• the_infernal_optimist said on Dec 14, 2006....

  I could've sworn I commented on this already. Watch, it'll show up six hours from now.
  
  Anyway, when I get irrationally frustrated (or just feel out of control in any emotional area), I tend to sing. I'll pick a song or two that at least partly matches what I'm feeling or going through and just belt them out, moving gradually toward more level/happy songs. This private concert helps me find balance again, and it forces me to breathe deeply and concentrate on something besides just what's got me all in knots.
  

• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Dec 14, 2006....

  I talk to friends...talk and talk and talk....well, and talk
  
  Then, I am ready to write a calm letter, either to the source of my frustrations or to myself.  Well, you guess it right, I talk and talk and talk about what I´ve written.
  
  Problems or frustrations might not be fully resolved to satisfaction, I feel lighter though after such a marathon.
  
  It works for me.
  
  Hope you´ll find a way to get rid of this frustration, ed.
  
  Regards,
  
  Paper~
  

• shekinah said on Dec 14, 2006....

  Hi Ed, i know how hopeless this type of thing feels.  I use eft (emotional freedom techniques) to release negative emotion. it works for me.  i hope you feel better about this soon.

  shekinah

• carmachu said on Dec 14, 2006....

  I cant give you advice, becuase my ways are way different:

   

  I;m the iceman. I'm a rock. I'm the type, as my father once said to me:

   

  "You're the type of guy who lights the fucking candle instead of cursing the fucking darkness."(yes, with the cursing, thats how dad talks).

   

  The point is this:

• GroundedMystic said on Dec 14, 2006....

  Ha! Frustration used to be my modus operandi. There was so much in my life over which I had zero control that was controlling me. But perhaps the last two days are a good example. I'm on a goverment assisted program for business people. Just the words "government assistance" should give you a large idea of how frustrating this can be.

  Basically it goes like this, the govt computer is on an automatic schedule that spits out letters and makes phone calls on specific dates. I've been doing certain things that mean I am excluded from this machinery. BUT no-one updated my computer record and the past two days I've spent going from one govt office to another trying to get the computer updated so I can be doing what I'm supposed to be doing instead of running around govt offices.

  Yes it was a very frustrating situation. And when your livelihood depends on it, very scary too. Normally this kind of situation would set me into a 2 week adventure in frustration land. BUT I found this simple method for getting over frustration and fixing stuff so it doesn't piss you off so much.

  It's called segment intending (not my invention btw). Basically you break your day up into segments of specific action. You do this as you go along no need to write it down or even think too much about it. Whenever you change what you are doing take 5 secs to do this first...

  Decide what you want to have happen. Whats the best way this can go? Then go on with it expecting the best.

  I've spent 2 days chasing my own ass and getting nowhere. This morning I tried this and I walked into govt office No 1, the person magically understood my problem, knew exactly how to fix it and did it. In about 10 mins flat. I walked into govt office No 2 and they also magically knew what I was on about, told me they were there to help me, did that and sent me on my way.....WOW! Did I just deal with the govt and have a positive experience? Yep. Problem solved.

  Now it does happen that you can segment intend and things will still go crap for you or won't turn out the way you want. That's called the bumpy end of a long journey. What's happened is that your negative focus in the past has been powerful enough to still influence right now. The good news is that the more you segment intend good stuff the faster these good things begin happening and the more positive your experience becomes over time. As long as you don't let these "tail end" experiences convince you this technique doesn't work, things will get better.

  My 2 cents.

   

• Lioness said on Dec 14, 2006....

  I guess a lot of us are in the same situation Ed. In some way or the other, we have things in our lives that brings us over the edge, things that we have to live with, even if we know that there is little or nothing we can do about it.
  
  Personally, if there are things or situations that frustrate me, I lock myself inside my room, pray like it was my last prayer, and cry like I've never cried in a zillion years. After my mind is cleared, I come up with solutions.
  
  And I've learned to live by this: if you have done everything and still can't solve the problem, let it be. It will solve itself eventually.

• Mamie said on Dec 14, 2006....

  I used to just eat it as secret discussed earlier but now I walk it off, literally...miles and miles and miles later, I usually have a solution that I can deal with and then I give it a try.
  Good luck with that, I am sorry for the trouble.. mamie

• IdeallySublime said on Dec 14, 2006....

  I usually cry (I'm a brat), get mad at myself for being weak, then brainstorm ways to stop the problem (if it can't be fixed, maybe it can just be stopped). 
   
  A friend of mine sweats it out at the gym.  Another, eats everything in sight.  Well quite a few others drink. 
   
  I don't know if it can be fixed since it's out of your control, but whatever you do, I don't suggest temporary fixes.  In my experience it's just worst when you come back to reality.
   
  Good Luck :-)

• Bluesnake said on Dec 15, 2006....

  I play the guitar....and it brings me to Utopia.

• danetteb said on Dec 15, 2006....

  No good advice from me, I can just tell you that you're not alone.  I work with a cow, and days like today make me feel like I want to strangle her...

• Tinkerman said on Dec 15, 2006....

  2 guidelines i deal with problems or frustrations:
   
  - Mind over matter: If you don't mind, it doesn't matter'
   
  - Focus on the solutions, not the problems.

• soulreaver said on Dec 15, 2006....

  stop everything... lie down and look at the sky...

• missb said on Dec 15, 2006....

  Ed,
  Oh how I hate that kind of situation. I usually try and forget about the problem and focus on something else. I try and look at the bright side, if any. Or a temporary escape could do. I usually go to my room and sing my heart out... half screaming :) Anyway, hope it'll pass soon, ed.
  Cheers :)

• Alyss said on Dec 15, 2006....

  Well there's the eating it approach which I do not recommend.
  
  There are the whole heap of suggestions above including some very good ones and then there's accepting that you can't do anything about the source of frustration and then subsequently deciding whether or not you can live with it as it is or whether it is time to remove yourself from it permanently...

• secretlife said on Dec 15, 2006....

  Wow, I just read this and have to say first that I thought GroundedMystic's advice was really intersting, and I'm going to give that a try myself.
   
  Also have to admit that I read LJ's comment 3 times and laughed at his great dry sense of humor (did he really type, oh death where is thy sting? LMAO!!!)
   
  I want to do what mobil does.  Or IdeallySublime even...
  I want to pitch a fit like a child.
   
  Mostly I guess because I hate to admit that there are things outside of my control....things I cannot fix not matter how I wish I could.
   
  If I get away...walk away, go outside, or do something to make my hands busy (like last nite i put lights up on my christmas tree), and allow myself to actually let it go for a while, then when I do think again, i'm able to see that truly, sometimes i just need to let it go.  My heart can sympathize, but other than that, i'm powerless.

• raft said on Dec 15, 2006....

  Ah! Do I deal with frustration well? I usually do, if I can do something about it. If I'm helpless, I don't do very well. I changed my job because of that.
  
  You've been intentionally vague, but since I'm not sure if it's a relationship issue or a work/accomplishment/task issue. There are different rules (at least I use different rules to fix those).
  
  Relationship-wise: Communication is key. If the other person is being stubborn then try and reach out. I have done just that last night. I think you're infinitely better at it than I am, judging from your internet presence.
  
  Accomplishment/work/task: Break it up. If you can't get someone else to do the work with high level tasks, break it up into smaller tasks, you'll hit a point where the person will accept the work.
  I changed job, because I got essentially blackmailed into not getting something that should have been done. The blackmail had been done through making the project hostage and claiming an impossibly large amount of time required for the work to be done (i.e. 1/2 day's work magically became 3 months work, blowing away the project deadlines by well over 2 months, the project was estimated to take a month all told).
  
  I don't do well in those situations. I made my points, was acknowledged, but ignored. I posted my resume the next day. You always have a choice.
  
  Taking crow if it gets you something (advancement or maybe a new skill?) is one thing, but taking crow for no appreciable return.. <shrug>
  

• FaithfulDisciple said on Dec 16, 2006....

  The amount of frustration one encounters is co-related to level of expectation we put on ourselves and other people.   Thus the simple but true equation, higher expectation=greater frustration.  People of higher expectations who tend to be too hard on themselves and others end up being more frustrated when things just don't go the way it was expected.  These are the so called Type A candidates with a great risk for heart attacks.
  
  The best way to deal with frustrations is to live and let live.  If things don't go the way we want them to be, try to examine why it came out differently,  There are different ways of looking at the same situation.  Different interpretation plus different appreciation.  This is what makes life interesting, so unpredictably frustrating.  Now does that make sense or what?  

• silverwhisper said on Dec 17, 2006....

  daily: oo, not meds...removing myself, however, may be right solution.
  
  LL: thanks, i'm considering that as my best option.
  
  LJ: self-medication hasn't proven terribly helpful, sadly.
  
  maemae: you're very kind, but i don't think blogging about it is going to be very helpful.
  
  peedee: i think i considered barking at one point.
  
  purrkitten: i think i'll consider the walk.
  
  queen paranoia: heh...i find that the amount i eat doesn't depend upon my frustration or indeed, much of anything. :>
  
  mobil: that's something i've considered doing. :>
  
  ET: perspective is the only thing that i'm finding helpful.
  
  bronx: this particular time, the solution isn't quite that simple.
  
  infernal: that's peculiar that your comment didn't register...hm. singing, eh? interesting, that...
  
  paper: talking sometimes helps.
  
  shekinah: well, time and a bit of perspective have helped a bit.
  
  carmachu: i think that your comment was truncated.
  
  grounded: that sounds like a good way to get a handle on it.
  
  lioness: thanks for the perspective. i think i need to distance myself from this a bit more.
  
  mamie: walking...that's smething i haven't tried in a while, but used to do a lot. i should revisit it.
  
  IS: it's good to see you again--it's been a while. and no, temporary fixes aren't very satisfactory. i also find that in general, temporary fixes just make things worse in the long run.
  
  bluesnake: ah, a musician! you know, i sometimes like to write when i'm frustrated. it does sometimes help.
  
  danette: sorry your day was so unpleasant!
  
  tinkerman: heh. :>
  
  soulreaver: sometimes, easier said than done but definitely worth mentioning.
  
  miss b: i think it will pass eventually. just irritating to be in the middle of it now, you know?
  
  alyss: yeah, i'm thinking the removal part is perhaps best.
  
  SL: yeah, i'm always impressed by the suggestions soulcasters have to such questions. :>
  
  raft: you're right, i'm being vague and yeah, it's deliberate. good points, all of them. thank you. and you're too kind re: inferences and my online presence but thank you for saying so.
  
  FD: i always know i can count on you for perspective.
  
  ed

• GumpyJumptooth said on Dec 19, 2006....

  Managing stress during the holidays is never easy, particularly during the holidays.
  
  When I feel the onset of frustration, I do one of two things.  Sometimes, I make some nice hot tea and apply a cold compress to the back of my neck.
  
  Or, I'll go down to Mexico and plunge an ice pick in Trotsky's skull.
  
  One of the two, anyway.  Usually the tea and compress.

• silverwhisper said on Dec 20, 2006....

  note to self: find way to travel back in time, find trotsky in mexico. :D
  
  ed

• lone_ranger said on Feb 01, 2008....

  For me, the frustration just feeds on myself.....i realize that this is something that is in keeping with my temperment...i am a melancholic person.....anybody else in my place would have taken to drugs big time...but i havent...thankfully.....but my mind goes into dark places when i am down....too dark to contemplate....and the worst part is i take out my frustration on people around me...which does not help matters. I end up spoiling their day as well as mine. Sometimes i feel that people like me were better off dead than living....because to me it represents a failure to live life normally....and having to wait for time to pass by from one moment to the other isnt something anybody looks forward to. I realize that my present condition is a symptom of urban life where loneliness, stress, bad luck and lack of professional success can make for a deadly potion of anger and sorrow. For Men, it shows up as anger while the women are happy to cry...cynically speaking that is....i also believe that we as a civilization have failed to cater to the human side of things.....we are all too mechanical and everything around u seems so empty.....it is indeed very bewildering this world that we live in.....may god help my wretched soul.....

• silverwhisper said on Feb 01, 2008....

  lone ranger, welcome to soulcast!
  
  i've wrestled with melancholy myself. have you sought counseling? i found it a useful tool.
  
  ed

• Mamie said on Feb 01, 2008....

  hey guys, I am getting better at handling frustration too. I went and talked it out over several weeks, back in the days after my sister in law was killed. I never felt such pain in my life.
  After I still felt "dread" I tried some anti-depressant drug. The first one did little, so I assumed that they would not work for me. The second one was much better (i was glad I gave it a shot). Over time with these two things as a crutch I was able to piece things back together. I became well!

  I also used then, what I had learned to help fight off depression due to illness in myself and my family...these things we learn along the way are valuable. I am not immune to it, but I recognize it quickly and clearly.

  We learn to allow healing in ourselves and then if we are lucky, we can then turn and offer the way to each other....hope all is well with you....mamie

• silverwhisper said on Feb 01, 2008....

  i didn't know you were taking meds, mamie, but i'm glad that it helped! :>
  
  ed

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