• CreativeWoman said on Dec 10, 2006....

  You are such a good person, Secret.  Your dad would most definately have been proud of you.
  
  CW
  

• momsrock said on Dec 10, 2006....

  First, I hate the cowboys too! :) ..... I think your father would be incredibly proud of you and your brother.  I have heard the saddest part of that entire process is seeing an entire life reduced to nothing.  It is all very sad.

• lioneljay said on Dec 10, 2006....

  Reaching out is the most human thing we can do, SL, and you do it well. It's so easy to let our elderly relatives slide out of mind, particularly when we didn't have the strongest relationship with them when we were younger. I missed out on attending to my older relatives because I had moved so far away from them all. It's a gift to have the capacity and the care to attend to them as you're doing. And it's a gift to have the opportunity.

• mobil said on Dec 10, 2006....

  An advocate, you have and continue to be your Aunt's advocate SL. She

  needs one, you are aware of her needs

   

  I think you are also aware of your Daddy, what he would have wanted,

  expected of you. This expectation, is a product of the love that you and

  your Dad had between you.

   

  That, that love of Dad, love of family, it cris crosses and no one is left out.

  No one is left out in a family where family matters.

   

  Even this old kinda ornery Aunt. She, no matter what kind of person she was

  is a part of family.

   

  This I'd bet is why you do it, for Dad, for your Aunt and for yourself. Any

  way you slice it, it's the essence of the title of this piece.

• peedee said on Dec 10, 2006....

  Hi ! SL, I am sure, that despite her idiosyncracies, your love and care must have made you and your brother feel the charm of "living for others".

• gingersoul said on Dec 10, 2006....

  You did great.....it was the only thing to do...it has hard and unnerving but you did it and you know it is making you feel better...you made your daddy proud, that's for sure....

  This is exactly the kind of end i am deeply scare, and you would think she wouldn't end up so lonely being hee family so large. Yet...

  My family is a very tiny one, so i know that my chances of dying alone are very high....i hope i will die before ending in a situation like this..what is life in this condition?

  Being a burden for everybody.....suffering...being alone day and night.....oh, i hope to die before that....

  You have been a good samaritan for her...too bad she is a bitter woman...

• FaithfulDisciple said on Dec 11, 2006....

  Bless you SL for being the dutiful daughter that your Aunt never had as it surely pleases your father for your thoughtfulness.  In the Bible it says, the person who shows love and respect for his parents also atones for their sins.  Such magnanimous example on your part is seen by your own children and will be given back to you in appreciation of your old age.  Here a big hug for your innate kindness :D
  

• moonriver said on Dec 11, 2006....

  moonriver confucius suggest: secretlife make sure to safekeep diaries, photo albums, letters, scrapbooks, even ubiquitous baby books. contain precious family history, sometimes secrets that are better kept secret. my sister serve as archivist and genealogist of family. she keeper of family secrets five generations.
  
  

• silverwhisper said on Dec 11, 2006....

  your father would be incredibly proud of you, SL. i really admire what you and your brother have done for your aunt.
  
  ed

• missb said on Dec 11, 2006....

  SL,
  
  Your father IS definitely proud of you. That is such a noble thing to do and not everyone is capable of doing.
  
  Cheers :)

• secretlife said on Dec 11, 2006....

  CW:  I think so too.
          
  moms:  Did they get OWNED by the Saints or what?
   
  LJ: She was far far from my favorite growing up.  The thing is, I have a whole new appreciation for her now.  I actually love her very much now after getting to know her these past 6 or 7 months.
   
  we've done a couple of pretty funny things together-  the first was going to pre-pay her funeral.   I knew she had wanted to be buried and I knew she wanted to go where her mother and father were, but i had no idea of anything else.  So we took her to a funeral parlor.  I thought it was going to be a nightmare, but honestly, we laughed the whole way thru.  She picked a pretty silver coffin lined with pink...and even a dress to wear!
   
  Another thing i discovered is she loves chinese food.  So a few times i took her out to lunch at this chinese buffet.  Man, for a woman with no teeth, she can EAT.  She LOVES to eat and tries EVERYTHING. 
  You have to see this to believe it!!!
   
  mobil: i'll be the first to admit that i went down in may with my brother, reluctantly.  And I went down only because my dad wasn't here to do it.
  I don't know as he would have 'expeced' us to pick up this responsibility.
  But I do think he'd have been most proud of us for doing so.
  And yes, i was raised to believe family matters. 
   
  This aunt is still ornery, but i have a whole new appreciation for her these days.  we laugh together quite often.
   
  peedee:  you're right, you know.  doing for others makes you feel good about yourself.
   
  FD: i believe jesus taught us to love one another and that he meant us to live our lives being examples of this love.     i do try. 
  thanks for the hug.
   
  moon:  there wasn't much in the way of family history.  i did collect a few boxes of old photo's, a bible, and a box of letters.  in the box of letters i see some poetry she wrote.  that made me smile pretty big yesterday.  it's hard to read her penmanship, but i do have these things.
   
  ed: thanks. i'm sure he's up there smiling.  i bet he laughed like hell watching us eat at that chinese buffet a few weeks ago. 

• secretlife said on Dec 11, 2006....

  ginger:  seeing this whole thing unravel makes me afraid too.  nobody wants to end up in one of these places.  it's really heartbreaking to see it, and i'm with you, i hope i go before this time.
   
  she's needs too much medical attention to live alone now.  she takes 14 different medications each day, and she'd certainly forget alone.  also she needs to be on oxygen....she is off it most of her days, but sleeps with it on.
   
  i don't know how she would be able to take care of herself on her own, and i would be afraid she might try to drive her car too......
   
  she has accepted the place although i know she isn't so happy to be there.
   
  she tells me she doesn't like being surrounded by sick, old people.
  and i laugh!
   
  This is not a fate anyone would choose, and it's very difficult.
   
  missb:  thank you.

• queenparanoia said on Dec 11, 2006....

  i'm proud of you secretlife. youre right youre dad would be very proud. god bless and merry christmas dear!!!

• lioneljay said on Dec 11, 2006....

  SL, thanks for the sweet chuckle - imagining you and your aunt eating Chinese, while she amazes you with her appetite. What a hoot!

• dailyachesandpains said on Dec 11, 2006....

  Sl, that must have been very difficult for you and your brother.   I'm proud of you, just like everyone else here is.  It has to be difficult to take this all on and run a family at the same time! 

  When you go through things, I would imagine you'll find things that make you smile.  Going through my Grandmother's things was difficult but I did find a picture of me that she had when I was 2.  On the back it said "My little angel" and I cried.  Never knew she thought of me that way...

  {{{Hugs}}}

  Daily

• longlegs said on Dec 11, 2006....

  SL I am incredibly proud of you.  I know that probably doesn't mean much but you give me hope that people can act selflessly for someone in need.  I have a sister that has distanced herself from the family and I often wonder what will happen to her when she is old and needs care.  I am so grateful that I have 4 children, I hope at least one of them still loves me enough when I am old to take care of me.

• secretlife said on Dec 11, 2006....

  queen:  merry christmas and a happy new year to you as well!

  LJ:  the only think she couldn't manage were the cucumbers in her salad...although she did TRY!!! LOL....other than that, with a knife and fork, she can cut everything into manageable bites and gum it!  believe me, you'd not believe it unless you were sitting there with me trying not to laugh out loud.  I kept thinking i was going to be practicing the heimlich maneuver on her...

  daily:  i found a box of poetry that i'm not sure if she wrote or my grandmother.  i can barely decipher the writing.

  i also found a bunch of family photo's from the early 1920s/1930s...my grandparents and all my dad's siblings as children...

  LL: it means alot to me that you are proud of this accomplishment of mine.

  i worry too that one day i will need to be taken care of.  i hate thinking of that....there are so many in this home who have nobody to visit or care, and this is so very sad.  it feels like a place to go to wait for death to come take you.  very sad.  i pray like you do, that my children will love me enough, if that day comes for me, to be there. 

  my aunt is lucky in that she hasn't given up on life yet.  although she finds herself in this home, she joins into any and every group activiity.   i find it so ironic that a woman who i thought was not social at all, turns out to be a social butterfly to the core.  It's amazing how little we can know someone we think we know.....life lessons for me....seems i'm always being given more life lessons.

• satyr said on Dec 11, 2006....

  oh, SL, those old family photos you found are priceless. Have your aunt identify anyone you don't recognize. We have a family album that even includes some old tintypes - but with the exception of a few notes in the margins, we have no clue who they are. It's been fun to see where Joe's big nose or Susie's red hair came from. I too am proud of what you and your brother have done for your aunt (and your Dad). You are one very admirable lady, SL. Thanks for being you.

• boyzmom said on Dec 11, 2006....

  It's great that you are able to help as much as you have, when I worked in nursing homes I saw too many people with nobody to help them. 

• Jenna said on Dec 11, 2006....

  SL... Don't watch the cowboys....We all hate the cowboys! lol You are a good girl honey... such a good girl. I know it is all hard but deep down you know you are doing what you have to do. The right thing! God bless you dear one!

• Lioness said on Dec 11, 2006....

  Hi... I think this post should be included in your 200 acts of kindness. =) SL, your kindness is simply admirable. It sure isn't easy doing kind deeds to people you don't like, but you did. God bless..

• pixilatedcowboy said on Dec 11, 2006....

  I think your dad would be very proud of you SL. Oh and I hope it's only the Dallas Cowboys you hate
   
   
   
   
  Cowboy

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