• secretlife said on Dec 03, 2006....

  i think the fact that he came to you and told you speaks volumes. he could have continued to hide this from you, but instead chose to share it. it's ok to feel disappointed. betrayed is too harsh of a word for this. mostly i believe you have to support him. he's only human, and humans do slide. i give him alot of credit for opening up to you -

• ALIENated said on Dec 03, 2006....

  I quit smoking about two hundred or two thousand times. It finally stuck quite a while ago. I would not smoke on a bet now. I am one of those people that walk across a restaurant and tell people to put out their trash fire or I will cram it down their throats. OK, I do not do that, but I envision it in my mind. In other words, I am the equivalent of a smoking tree hugger (environmentalist). Plus, I just think it stinks. Why do people insist on going into a place where we eat and smelling it up? Why not just eat and get out of there? OK, there I go. Hopefully, your hubby will get to this point someday. Later, when my child came along, I gave up drinking. Tell hubby to look in your childs eyes and try to imagine how sad they will look at his funeral.

• xtianslt said on Dec 03, 2006....

  secretlife- you're right, betrayal is too harsh a word. I'm actually proud that he told me while still disappointed that he did it in the first place. alienated- Maybe I need to send hubby to talk to you! I really hope that he can show the same strength that you have.

• AllisonWonderland said on Dec 03, 2006....

  I hope he stops for good this time. I know it's hard to quit, but your little one needs a daddy for life... and I think you'd like to have him around for a while too! Be glad that he told you, though- I think most people would try to hide it until they got caught!

• satyr said on Dec 03, 2006....

  xtainslt, nicotine is an addictive drug - he can have the best intentions in the world and be unable to break the addiction. I know - I tried to quit for 35 years. I'm not smoking now, but I haven't reached my goal of 1 year without one yet either.

• LadyGamer said on Dec 03, 2006....

  Asking someone to change a habit they like for YOU is an excercise in futility. You ask for the impossible. He cannot quit for you. Only for himself. Yes, I do think you are being unreasonable. He's tried over and over to please you by not doing something HE ENJOYS. He should be upset with YOU for not understanding that he LIKES it. I smoked for twenty years. When I quit, it was because I was DONE. ME. All the nagging I withtook over the years did not cause me to quit. All the people showing me nasty pictures and telling me I was killing myself did not cause me to quit. Whe I no longer enjoyed it, I quit. It is a personal thing.

• gingersoul said on Dec 03, 2006....

  I agree with Secret.....at least he told you...i mean, two weeks smoking and you ddint notice..he could have easily keep going in that way.. I tried to convince my ex for all the time we have been together...i quit smoking cold turkey...so i bribed him, i supported him when he seemed ready to do the big step, our daughter would make drawnings with "Please daddy dont kill yourself. I love you". Nothing worked. LadyGamer is right..it has to done for yourself. I didnt nag him anymore but he knew i wasnt happy. Accept his honesty, its a good thing....:-)

• ALIENated said on Dec 03, 2006....

  I just saw a commercial on TV tonight. Two guys are sitting in a park or on a street corner. One guy is singing with one of those vibrators on his throat and the other guy is playing guitar.
  
  Sometimes smoking does not kill you you might just lose a lung Sometimes smoking does not kill you They may just cut out your tongue
  
  Something like that. Man it is brutal. You will probably see it soon, if you watch TV.

• silverwhisper said on Dec 04, 2006....

  please note what LG said. quitting smoking has to come from within, not without.
  
  ed

• missb said on Dec 04, 2006....

  I agree with SL. Atleast your husband told you about it. And like Lady gamer, he has to quit for himself. It's always like that. I'm a smoker myself and I know noone can tell me to stop apart from myself.
  
  Cheers :)

• danetteb said on Dec 04, 2006....

  I know that you're hurt and disappointed, but seems like you're not the only one going through this.
  
  One of the guys I work with smokes A LOT.
  
  At the year end function a colleague of mine asked him if he wanted to come for a smoke break with her [in front of his wife], but it turned out that his wife didn't know that he had started smoking again [we, at work, didn't know that he had stopped.]
  
  It was a bit embarrassing for him I suppose, but at least his wife wasn't left in the dark anymore!
  
  

• LadyGamer said on Dec 04, 2006....

  No one should lie to their spouse or keep secrets. But in the same regard, we shouldn't make our spouse feel as if they need to keep it a secret.

• silverwhisper said on Dec 04, 2006....

  well said, LG.
  
  ed

• peedee said on Dec 04, 2006....

  Hi ! xtianslt, I have already commented about this in a blog "Giving in to a temptation".I too am killing my self because of the numerous tensions and particularily that my wife died twenty years ago. Now that he is by your side , you can do wonders, what to talk of quitting smoking. A woman has been behind the back of every great personality. Your earnest desire to have him with you for all times to come will certainly be fulfilled if you act lovingly and patiently.

• xtianslt said on Dec 04, 2006....

  Thanks to all for your comments, both supportive and not! LG, I think you hit the nail on the head- this has to be something he wants to do (and I think he does want to), and me nagging him and feeling betrayed isn't going to help the situation. and again, the boy does deserve credit for once again being totally honest with me. I think I've got a keeper!

  
  I'm still a little upset just because I don't want to see him hurt himself, but I think now that I've had time to think it overr (and read over the feedback) I'm feeling better about the whole situation. Maybe I'll have to get my little girl to draw a few pictures like gingersoul talk about :)

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