Silverwhisper's post about hard-to-shop-for people got me to thinking about some of the gifts I've gotten for my dad over the years.
Some of you already know that things between my parents and I are not all that great right now, though I think the lowest point is past and we're heading uphill. But no matter how traumatic my experience was (and it was, quite), now that the anger is passed, I can't help but miss my family - my blood, the people I grew up with, who sang me lullabies and taught me to read, who drove me two hours to see my boyfriend when I was thirteen, who sent me money in college. There was a time when I was certain I didn't love my parents anymore, and it was true when I said it. Maybe distance and time are making me forget things I should remember, but it's not true now. I do love them, or at least, I love them the way they were when I was young, before it all went south - literally and figuratively. And I miss them.
This year, I'm buying them a Christmas gift, and I'm actually looking forward to it a little. Choosing something, thinking of them, adding that little extra happiness to their Christmas. And it makes me think about all the gifts I've bought my father over the years. My mom was always pretty generic in terms of gifts - a new CD, a nice sweater, a good book, some exotic tea. Shopping for my dad took that little extra spark of creativity, but I seemed to have the touch. When I was young, I bought him ties. Funky, cool, twisted ties. He worked as a preacher; he wore them to church and delivered his sermons in them. People in the congregation got a kick out of them. There's one tie in particular that he wears (or wore, anyway, I don't know if he still does) every Father's Day. It became our tradition; if I caught him without it on that day, I would always ask him why he wasn't wearing "my" tie.
But ties last forever, and there came a time when he had enough - and I had a car. No more all-in-one shopping trips at Penney's with my mom! One year I bought him gorilla slippers (you know, the slippers with a plush animal head over the toes?) and he wore holes in them. Another year, I got him Brenda Bender. He played with her the entire weekend before sending her to live on the bass drum of his drum kit - and even after that, every time I saw her she was in a different position.
But one of my fondest memories of shopping for my Dad was buying him sunglasses. He likes to have sunglasses for driving. For many years, he would go to Wal-Mart or wherever and grab a new pair whenever the old ones got lost or broken. Then, one year when I was in my early teens, I happened to be with him while he was buying sunglasses.
"Whaddya think, kiddo?"
"Hmm...nah. Doesn't suit you. But try these!"
"Hey, not bad! Alright, I'll take this one."
He looked very spiffy in his new sunglasses, and people noticed it, too. They were very sturdy and didn't break, either, and he kept saying how glad he was that I'd been there to pick them out for him. When one day, he finally did lose them, he actually came to ask me if I would go with him to pick out new ones. That pair was a hit too. Finally, one day he turned to me and said, "I'm never going to buy sunglasses again without taking you with me. Whenever I go by myself, I never pick ones that look as good or last as long. You have really good taste."
Funny, how out of all the important things he said to me - like "I love you" and "I'm proud of you" - that this is among the ones that mean the most to me, that I will carry with me the rest of my life, and always think of when I want to remember the good things.
I was once my daddy's little girl. Somewhere, deep in my heart, I still am. Because I know that somewhere, deep in his heart, my father still carries the man he used to be, and all is not yet lost. Being his personal sunglasses shopper was by far the best job I have ever held.
nytquill17 posted on Nov 30, 2006
| views: 267
Comments
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PAPERBACKWRITER said on Nov 30, 2006....
Beautiful. Thank you. I miss my Dad still nytquill17. I feel silly crying at 8 in the morning. I have been avoiding post with Dad´s. -
PAPERBACKWRITER said on Nov 30, 2006....
You wrote from your heart nytquill. It is so beautiful. I had to send the first comment right away, otherwise I might´ve chickened out and just cry my eyes out in a corner.
You are so lucky to have him.
I don´t know the background history of your family. I just followed you here after reading your comment. I usually go back way back until the very first post- long story.
The title caught my eye. And because I´m feeling "stable" I started reading and could not stop.
Well, I´m still crying, and thank God my bedridden daughter is feeling better and is a bit distracted, otherwise she´ll think I´ve definitely reached the deep end and went bonkers.
Sorry, I´m blathering...nervous.
I wish I could shop for my dad.
I wish he could see his granddaughters - both so happy and full of life
I wish he could tease me and I could pretend I was incensed
I wish I could see his teasing grin
I wish he could tell me to make him coffee and I could roll my eyes
I wish he was just here
I wish I could shop with my dad
You are so lucky to have your dad nytquill17
7 Christmases without mine, still misses him
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silverwhisper said on Nov 30, 2006....
nyt, that's beautiful. i have a powerful memory of my father that i should blog about later.
ed -
missb said on Nov 30, 2006....
Nyt,That is really beautiful. That's a reminder for me to not take what I have with my parents for granted.Paper,I can feel your pain. I hope you're feeling better now, dear.Cheers! -
nytquill17 said on Nov 30, 2006....
Paper: Your comments were beautiful, too.
I'm so sorry for your loss. No matter how old we get, they are still "daddy," aren't they? I hope that you are feeling a bit better and that my post didn't upset you too much. I'll be thinking of you.
SW: Thank you :) I'll keep my eyes open for that post!
missb: Thank you, too. Every time I write something like this, I feel that much closer to being able to write it to the people who really need to hear it. I'm glad I could write something that's meaningful for you!
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PAPERBACKWRITER said on Nov 30, 2006....
Thank you nyt, I took it upon myself to call you that. Hope you don´t mind?
I reread it again. I liked the title, a lot. I cannot focus 100% at the moment, that is why I´ll read your other blogs in the next days.
It is exhilirating to read blogs which were spontaneously written inspired by a seemingly simple question.
It is that something simple that enables us to dig deeper,isn´t?
Yes, just like you , somewhere deep in my heart I will always be daddy´s girl.
And , even if he has long gone, so long - he remains my daddy. I miss you so very much daddy.
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secretlife said on Nov 30, 2006....
nytquill: i really enjoyed reading your post. i think we're always daddy's little girls.paper's right....life is short. and when they're gone you can only look at others who still have their daddy's and wish and yearn for yours. i used to love shopping for my dad. he loved opening presents. i'm glad you're buying yours a gift this year, and again, i loved your story. -
phyxius_has_risen said on Dec 01, 2006....
That is a great story and it touch home base with me, I am having problems with my family and still not sure what to do to resolve it.
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nytquill17 said on Dec 01, 2006....
Paper: You're welcome to call me what you like! :) I really appreciate your interest in my blog; thank you! It sounds like your father was a very, very special man, and I feel for your loss.
SL: thanks! I was always so scared during the year we didn't speak that something would happen. I had to do what I was doing, for myself if nothing else, but I knew I would never forgive myself if that was the way things ended. I'm actually kind of relieved to be in a place where I feel comfortable giving them gifts and writing them every so often - it's still not ideal and I still worry that something will happen before we can work everything through, but it's much, much better than before.
Phyxius: I'm sorry to hear that. My family issues were pretty rough and took some extreme measures. I don't know about your situation, though for your sake I hope it is simpler than what I went through (but family problems are rarely simple, are they?) If you need to talk to someone about it, I'll listen.
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