I've been sitting asking myself why I started this blog. What do I hope to gain from it? What is this space for me?
I'm generally a very private person and don't share much of myself with people that I don't know well. (That's rather an ironic statement, I suppose, since to get to know anyone you have to share yourself with them.) I'm the kind of girl who hides her pain behind a plastic smile or a stoic mask when I haven't the energy to fake a smile. I'm filled with self-doubt and self-loathing like there is no tomorrow, some days.
My friends, my real-life ones, have such happy lifes. They always seem so perfect. Yes, I know; everyone has their private demons. But, because their marriages and their relationships with their relatives always seem on such an even keel, I hate to burden them with my fears, my pain, and my doubts about my own marriage, my own relationship with my family, and with my own self.
So, I guess that's why I started this blog. At least here, I can let some of those fears out, let go of some of that pain, and not burden my friends with it. I can vent into the giant void of the internet and let those ideas bounce around in the ether. ;)
Beautiful_Wreck posted on Nov 28, 2006
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Comments
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silverwhisper said on Nov 29, 2006....
have you considered the possibility that perhaps all of these folks are suffering in silence just as you are? perhaps they gloss over the daily slights that over the years begin amounting ever-increasing rates of interest? perhaps the silence is merely the yawning chasm of disbelief continuing to echo in the emptiness?
personally, i'm a big fan of openness, at least w/ friends. :>
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pixilatedcowboy said on Nov 29, 2006....
I started blogging about a year and a half ago.I had a terrible tragedy befall me and I wanted to tell the story.When I was finished ,I found that the blog was theraputic for me.It helped me to know that there are a lot of people out there just like me.It helped me thru a bad time and now I blog for the sheer enjoyment of it.Cowboy -
Beautiful_Wreck said on Nov 30, 2006....
Silver, I know they aren't suffering in silence because they never have anything bad to say aobut their marriages or whatnot. It's always joyful. Well, okay, except for the same complaints that everyone has.
I don't complain either, but I don't have anything joyful to say. There is a big difference. And you can see it, if you look closely enough.
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silverwhisper said on Nov 30, 2006....
i wish i knew what to say. sorry doesn't feel right. the sense of alienation must be overpowering.
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WindRider said on Dec 04, 2006....
Welcome to SoulCast. I hope you find, as I did, that blogging (like keeping a diary but much SAFER if you think about it) becomes easier and easier the more we do it. Becasue eventually we realize that, for SOME feelings, THIS is the only outlet for them... -
Alyss said on Dec 05, 2006....
I say let it all out and vent away. Locking feelings away is a bad thing as I am coming to realise.
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