You can't imagine life without him. You have no choice as a military wife and the day comes and he's gone. At home I try to mentally note all the things I would tell him on any given day and when he calls I try to remember them all. The overwhelming feeling of hearing his voice often times puts a void in any memory I had before the phone rang.
For the time we are on the phone it feels like he is here. We laugh and go over our days. I am totally focused on him and the outside world does not seem to exist. It seems so long since he has left and yet my journey has hardly began. Thanksgiving was the first holiday without him and it seemed as any other ordinary long and drawn out day. I didnt have the holiday feeling. No, not this year.
I am still overwhelmed at being alone. I put myself in a far off place and try to go through my day noting that I am almost one day closer to having him home. Emotionally I feel void, I am so empty without him and yet so busy taking care of our very loving and charismatic boys.
I light my husbands candle every night and put it in the window. Everyone knows that is his candle. I put it out before bed and count my blessing that our children our healthy and my husband is okay. HE lives in such a shithole. Yes. thats right. A complete and total hole!!!! I will be glad to get him home. I feel powerless with him gone as there is nothing I can do for him, Care packages once a week with whatever I can get my hands on to buy for him. Uhhhhhhhhh yes today is my pity party. Welcome
