I've been sitting on my ass for a month now.
I used to drive a dump truck, hauling mostly asphalt around town, but its coming on winter now and things have slowed down. Winter layoff is nigh. Not that things were all that frenetic before; the price of oil doing what it did this year caused the amount of work available to plummet. Last year I was driving 60 hrs/week, 6 days/week. This year I saw 3 - count 'em 3!- weeks where I had 38 hours. The rest of the weeks I was lucky to see 15. And as summer wore on, it got even worse. I've been living on my unemployment, but that ran out last week.
I live in a very cozy mobile home (you know cozy is a euphemism for small, right?) in an RV park. Its not even a mobile home park, its an RV park, which means my neighbors could be (and often have been) gone in the morning. It took awhile to get used to that. But I still haven't gotten used to living with a roommate.
I love my roommate, she's a good friend of mine. But living with someone else who is NOT my lover has made me realize how much I value being alone and having space in which to BE alone. On top of that, she smokes. I don't. During the day, this is not a problem, but in the middle of the night, the smoke goes straight down the hall and into my room. It will literally wake me up. Also, since I'm so poor, I don't have cable, get only 3 or 4 channels really well, and there's no internet. So, I've spent most of the last month... at my ex-husband's house...
Did I mention that I was once diagnosed with major clinical depression? I was on suicide watch and spent 6 weeks in a mental hospital when I finally faced the truth about myself. Coming out was the easy part. Fighting this soul-killing depression has been the hard part.
Becasue of my financial situation, because of a heart-shredding love affair coming to horrible end last year, and a few other personal issues going on, this years has SUCKED CANAL WATER! I started coming to his house to do my laundry ('cuz its free) and started surfing the internet again. Our son (now 23) pays for the cable, so I've gotten to watch my favourite shows and get caught up thanks the the DVR box. But the more often I would come down here to do these things, the longer I would stay. Its now been a month.
And I can feel the pit swallowing me up. That's what this search for internet income is all about. I can't drive truck any longer, I don't want to sit behind a desk (likely with a phone headset on - yuk), but I've got to find some way to make money.
Am I motivated? You bet!
