...you get it forced down your throat by a priest. :P
Join me in some harmless Friday fun. Know any sick jokes? Let's hear them...
p.s. Not for the faint hearted or easily offended.
Disclaimer: these are purely jokes and do not intend to offend. If you find any thing here offensive in any way, please don't take it to heart...let us know and we'll delete them.
mrhowto posted on Nov 24, 2006
| views: 2084
Comments
-
mrhowto said on Nov 24, 2006....
what did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
she choked
What's worse than finding half a maggot in your apple?
Gangrape
what's worse than 10 babies stapled to a tree?
One baby stapled to 10 trees.
I was at a cash machine the other day,and an old lady asked me to help her check her balance
So I pushed her over.
How do you get 100 babies in a bucket?
With a blender.
And how do you get them back out?
Doritos!
What do you call an un-hygenic anorexic?
A quarter pounder with cheese!!!
Q: How do you know when you are getting old?
A: When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
How do you know if you have a very high sperm count?
Your girlfriend has to chew before she can swallow!!!
-
spackman said on Nov 24, 2006....
What's the difference between a kitten and a pizza?
A kitten takes 3 minutes longer in the microwave.
Q) What's the smallest pub in the World?
A) The Thalidomide Arms.
Why did Princess Diana drive in a Mercedes?
She wouldn't be caught dead in a Volvo
The definition of 'disgusting'?
2 vampire bats fighting over a used tampon
What's the best part about an emo pizza?
It cuts itself.
-
mrhowto said on Nov 24, 2006....
lol...more more! ;)
-
grimzby said on Nov 24, 2006....
What's red and has an arm and four legs?
A pitbull in kindergarten. -
ALIENated said on Nov 24, 2006....
This is just sick. ... funny ... But, just sick. It took me a while to figure out what a gan grape was (gang rape). Stooopid. -
GrapeKoolaid said on Nov 24, 2006....
What's the difference between Cinderella and Princess Diana?
At midnight, Princess Di's car turns into a wall.
What's the best part about getting a handjob from a 3-year old?
It makes your d**k look HUGE!
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
'Cuz I kicked it!
How'd the nun get pergnant?
'Cuz I f***d her!
I'll post some more later as I remember them...
-
copsunited said on Nov 24, 2006....
Souldnt a TAMPON be called a TAMPIN??How do you load a hundred dead babies on a wagon in five minutes?Twenty five pitchforks.If you are buried up to your nose in snot and someone throws a bucket of shit at you,Do you duck??If shit was money could you raise a stink?I met my wife at an Exlax convention, we've been going together ever since.I called her a two-bit whore..she got pissed and hit me with a sack of quartersYoung lady goes to the back..she has a bag full of quarters to deposit.the banker asked her..did you hoard these all by yourself? She said no..my sista done whored half dem. -
RollingC said on Nov 24, 2006....
What is red, white, blue, red, white, blue, red, white, blue, red, white, blue?
A bleeding nun rolling down the stairs....
What's about 12 inches long and makes women scream?
Cribdeath (sick joke that circulated after Hurricane Andrew)
A beatiful woman tells a Polack to fuck her till it hurts.
So he fucks her and then hits her with a brick.
What is absolutely the sickest thing that you can think of? (drum roll please)
A Hickey.....on a Hemorroid.... (badabing)
That's all I can think of for now...if I remember more I'll post them.
-
IFMU said on Nov 24, 2006....
hehehe, I love these kinda jokes!
Ok, gotta couple.
You want to know whats great about 'tapping' a 12 year old in the shower? If you slick her hair back just right she looks 9!
Jesus walks into an Inn, hands the innkeeper 3 nails and says, "Can you put me up for the night?".
Yes, I am well aware I am going to hell. ^_^ LoL
-
hotaka said on Nov 25, 2006....
There once was a lady from Azores
Whose cunt was all full of sores
When she walked down the street
The dogs snapped at the meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers
bleh!
There once was a woman from Wales
Whose diet was shit, snot, and snails
When she couldn't get these
She scraped off the cheese
That oozed from her cunt with her nails
Very sick lymericks (sp?) from my college days. Somehow I haven't been able to forget them.
-
GrapeKoolaid said on Nov 25, 2006....
Oh I got a couple more.
What's the similarity between Michael Jackson and Walmart?
They both have little boys' shorts half off.
When is it bedtime over at Michael Jackson's house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
-
RollingC said on Nov 25, 2006....
Here's some more:
There once was a man called Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
Though she was missing one arm
And missing one leg
Think of all the money he saved
I'll be back with more later....
-
RollingC said on Nov 25, 2006....
I used to have a lot of these but haven't thought about them in years...as I remember more I'll be posting them......
A foreman hires a new hand at a construction site. A 10 story building was going up and they had the girders up about half way. The new hire was on the 4th level working on a platform when the foreman needed him down on the first level so he takes a few steps out and gestures to the man. Catching his attention he gestures to himself at heart level yelling at the same time " I ", then gestures at his knee yelling " need ", then gestures at the man on the 4th level yelling " you ". The man nods and makes a jerking off motion with his hand.
This infuriated the foreman and he ran up the stairs to the upper levels meeting the construction worker about halfway.
" Didn't you see me gesturing to you that I need you? " he says and the man replies:
" Yes and I gestured back that I'm coming "
-
copsunited said on Nov 26, 2006....
I knew a man from ole NantucketWhos dong was so long he coudl suck itHe said with a grinas he wiped off his chinIf my ear were a cunt I would fuck it -
momsrock said on Nov 26, 2006....
lmao!! Funny shit... -
phyxius_has_risen said on Nov 30, 2006....
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn't.Marriage is a three ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.A Hillbilly walks past a sign saying SAY NO TO CRACK and pulls his Trousers up
Little Hillbilly Johnny-Lee asks his sister if she has started her period.
"Yes", quoth she, "how did you know?"
"Hmm, I knew dad's cock tasted funny!"A taxidermist sits down in a bar in Kentucky. His obvious out-of-town appearance stirs mistrust in a group of nearby hillbillies.
"What do you do, feller?" one of them asks.
"I stuff animals."
"Oh, he's one of us!"How do you circumcise a Redneck?
Punch his sister in the jaw.What's the definition of a virgin hillbilly?
A 12 year old girl who can run faster than her brothers!What do you say to a girl from Kentucky?
Nice tooth!What do hillbillies want?
Hen fap!What do you call a hillbilly in a suit?
The defendant.Why did the hillbilly cross the road?
His dick was stuck in a chicken.What does a hillbilly say after sex?
Get off me Pa, you're crushing my smokes -
hotaka said on Dec 03, 2006....
Two women were talking in a bar, a blonde and a brunnette. The brunnette says, "Yeah, my boyfriend just gave me a dozen roses. I guess that means I'll be spending the next week with my legs in the air..." The blondes cocks her head to the side and asks, "Don't you have a vase?" -
RollingC said on Dec 03, 2006....
Blonde jokes are the best... lol...
A young boy walks into a brothel dragging a dead frog on a string. He approaches the madam and says " I want the best girl you got but she has to have the clap (std) "
To which the madam replies " not only are you a minor but all our girls are clean and healthy and it would be illegal and immoral for me to do this "
The young boy answers " I'll let my money do the talking " and pulls out of his pocket a fat roll of hundred dollar bills and at the sight of this the madam gives in.
She gestures to the stairs and says " at the top of the stairs knock on the third doorway on your left and ask for Carol "
And then she adds " but wait, before you go up, please tell me why you are doing this "
To which the young boy replies " Tonight my parents are going out and they have a beautiful babysitter keeping me company. While they're gone, I'm going to fuck with her and give her the clap. Then my Father will take her home later and fuck her and get the clap. Then he's coming home and fucking mom and give her the clap. Then in the morning after Dad goes to work the Milkman is coming and mom will fuck him and give him the clap. And that's the Son of a Bitch that killed my frog "
-
opinionman said on Dec 05, 2006....
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? If you smack a mosquito it'll stop sucking. What is the difference between a whore and a drug dealer? A whore can wash and re-sale her crack. Why do gays perfer ribbed condoms? Better traction in the mud. There was a group of gay guys that were all "buddies" together. One died and wished to be cremated. The others were trying to decide what to do with the ashes. One said,"He always like working in the garden, we should spread them out there." Another said,"He really like going on walks, so I think we should spread them on his favorite trail." The last said," I want to put them in a big bowl of chilli so he can light my ass up one more time." -
opinionman said on Dec 05, 2006....
A little boy came home from school and said to his dad,"I had sex today dad!" Dad was so excited he said," Get ready, we're going to get you a new bike." The son said,"Can that wait a little while dad, my butt hurts real bad." -
opinionman said on Dec 05, 2006....
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her like an alter boy. -
opinionman said on Dec 05, 2006....
There was a nice looking young blonde going to have her baby. When the baby came out, the doctor said,"Ma'am, your baby is black." "I know," she said," I was hard up for money so I did a little porno film witha black guy." "Well he has blonde hair." said the doc. "yes there was a sedish man in it too" "well he has slotted eyes." "Well there was an asian man too" So the doctor proceeded to spank the baby and when it started crying the woman said,"Thank God, I thought it was going to bark." -
00purple666 said on Dec 06, 2006....
lol.........There was an old woman from Leeds who swallowed a packet of seeds in less than hour her tits were in flower and her fanny was covered in weeds! What goes in dry..comes out wet and satisfies two people?..........A teabag! :P -
anonymous said on Dec 11, 2006....
This sucks and the priest is not tryingto choke you with the word he is only tellingit like it is. -
botoni said on Mar 03, 2007....
What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail? Wow, I feel like a kid again. -
RollingC said on Mar 05, 2007....
As far as I'm concerned anonymous...that goes without saying. -
copsunited said on Mar 10, 2007....
What's the difference between a prostitute with diarrheaand a corn husker with epilepsy?The corn husker can still still shuck between fits. -
copsunited said on Mar 10, 2007....
I tried dating a nun but could not get into the habit.I'd love to fuck a nun but afraid it might be habit forming.I quit dating sisters 'cause I was getting nun.Don't get used to blow jobs from nuns..they risk a habit. -
copsunited said on Mar 10, 2007....
Man walks into a bar.."barkeep, gimme a double scotch"Barkeep ":what's the occasion?"Man "I'm celebrating my first flow job"Barkeep " here, have another shot on the house"Man" no thanks, if that double won't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will" -
copsunited said on Mar 10, 2007....
Man yells,,," Barkeep, how tall are penguins?"Barkeep " oh maybe 18 inches tall or so.."Man" Barkeep..how tall? Now you gotta tell me?"Barkeep " well the emperor penguin is maybe 24 or 26 inches, but that's it.Man....Oh God, gimme a triple scotch, I just ran over two nuns" -
copsunited said on Mar 10, 2007....
What's the distance between a woman's knees?I dunno but it's a fur piece. -
copsunited said on Mar 10, 2007....
Man on his way home, drunk as a skunk..has to take a pee.He walks over to a large tree, takes his penis out..whizzes on the tree,lays down next to the tree and falls asleep.Two young ladies walking by in the morning see the gentleman withhis dick still hanging out. The youngest of the two..says "Lets playa trick on him "..she tied a blue satin ribbon around his dick and says" I'll bet that will have him wondering when he wakes up.Two hours pass..the man wakes up..looks down sees the ribbon..and says,well old buddy I don't know where we been nor what we did but we camein FIRST PLACE.. -
copsunited said on Mar 10, 2007....
Man in a bar claims he can fart the Star Spangled Banner.Hundreds of dollars bet on the outcome.Man climbs up on the table..drops his drawers, people all stand about..He promptly shits all over the place. People run out of the place, someare gagging, puking etc...Man says..what the fuck..even Frank Sinatra had to clear his throat. -
botoni said on Mar 10, 2007....
Cops .....you are sick sick sick. Sick I tell you. I think you re my best friend! -
RollingC said on Mar 10, 2007....
Twisted !!....LOL
What's red, white, blue, red, white, blue, red, white, blue, red, white, blue??
A bleeding nun rolling down the stairs....
-
Sybianlady said on May 09, 2007....
MatureOldLadiesCom
Note: They skipped the period (dot) years ago.
Comment on "Why is the bible like a penis?"
Related Posts:
wombat
posted 6 days ago
| views: 93
|
Got a chuckle out of the grandkid tonight.....Impromptu visit....
Grampa is egging on the "idiot" word, causing a ruckus about not saying the word "idiot." I
(Idiot just means not informed)
Which came ... read entire post
wombat
posted 6 days ago
| views: 99
|
I think I just woke up and noticed the colors..........ha.......When you choose a color for your page on SC on your "edit my profile" link, it's not just for you to see. That's the color others see when they click onto your posts, right?