• momsrock said on Nov 20, 2006....

  It depends on the situation. I care about some one I shouldn't and have chosen to hide it. But that doesn't mean it is the best choice...

• Zayda said on Nov 20, 2006....

  I agree with momsrock.  It depends on the situation.  AT the same time, don't ever be ashamed of your feelings.  You feel the way you feel.  Sometimes those feelings are confusing. Sometimes they are painful.  But they are your feelings.
  
  
  

• secretlife said on Nov 20, 2006....

  It's totally dependent on the situation.  Sometimes it's for everyone's benefit to keep the feelings to yourself. 

• Beautiful_Wreck said on Nov 25, 2006....

  Yes, I suppose it is situation dependent and this situation is...heh...we are both committed to others but have strong feelings for one another.

• pixilatedcowboy said on Nov 25, 2006....

  Tough call.I struggled with a similar situation about a year ago.I was married and had just suffered a personal tragedy .I met a woman that quickly became my friend.One day I had to tell her that I was in love with her.It worked out thou.She was also in love with me and here we are, together living a continent away from where we were
   
  PC  

• the_infernal_optimist said on Nov 25, 2006....

  Tricky question. I generally believe that it's best to be honest (besides, maybe it's mutual!), but only you can decide what's best for everyone in your particular situation.
  

• CreativeWoman said on Nov 25, 2006....

  You have to decide if you can live with the consequences of the truth.
  
  CW
  

• silverwhisper said on Nov 26, 2006....

  you say you're both committed to others, yet you have strong feelings for one another.  are these feelings romantic?  sexual?  both?  therein lies a very big difference. whatever course you choose, this is a very, very difficult decision.
  
  while i'm sorry that this conundrum brings you here, welcome to soulcast, beautiful wreck.
  
  ed

• Bronx said on Nov 26, 2006....

  There is always a kind of trigger for such sudden realizations. Try and find out exactly what led you to this point.
  
  It's like reaching a fork in the road of life but luckily you are not alone: SC is here for you.
  
  Sounds almost like a case from Allie McBeal.  Can't help wondering how they would handle  something like this. if you get my meaning.
  
  Try not to start something that you may not be able to finish without disrupting your life unduly. If it's worth it in the end, there is no harm in waiting a little to understand fully what you really want before going for it.
  

• Beautiful_Wreck said on Nov 28, 2006....

  Thanks for all your responses. 
  
  Pixelatedcowboy:  I would be interested in hearing your story of how you managed to work all that out.  I thought the man that I married was the man of my dreams, but I have come to discover that we don't share the same dreams any more.  I'm not sure we ever did, now that I look closely at the situation.  And that breaks my heart.
  
  Infernal_Optimist:  Yes, it's a tricky question. It's why I wrestle with the question.  I generally believe it's better to be honest as well, but I'm not sure that full disclosure is pertinent at this juncture.  (For some reason, Jack Nicholson's line in A Few Good Men keeps ringing in my head:  "You can't handle the truth.")
  
  CreativeWoman:  The consequences of the truth.  I'm not sure what those consquences might be.  I know that I am scared of the possibilty of some of those consequences.
  
  Silverwhisper:  You ask what the feelings are.  I know that the mutal feelings are friendship, desire, and lust.  It's the rest of the feelings that I don't know if they are mutual.  And thanks for the welcome.  I do wish something less tangled and potentially hurtful had lead me here, Silverwhisper; I really do.
  
  Bronx:  What lead me to this point?  To the point of questioning whether I should admit that the feelings are more?  Or what lead me to Soulcast.  The need to think through my feelings and thoughts, lead me to Soulcast.  Seeing them in pixels in front of me makes them easier to wrap my brain around and wrestle with sometimes.  And yes, this is not a decision that will be made hastily.  Too much is at risk.
  
  
  
  
  
  

• lioneljay said on Nov 28, 2006....

  Welcome, BW. It is exactly such conundrums that often lead people to places where they can share and benefit from the accumulated experience (oops, almost said wisdom but that really wouldn't be accurate - at least not from me) of a community.
  
  I've been in your shoes and all I can tell you is that it's important to listen to your heart with your brain engaged. You do need to hear what your heart has to say, but also use your mind to put it into perspective.
  
  Measure twice and cut once, you know?
  

• silverwhisper said on Nov 29, 2006....

  BW, to me, the heart of the matter is the heart. i can only tell you how i would handle such a situation. for me (and i know this isn't true for everyone), i am incapable of loving more than one person at a time romantically, incapable of being in love w/ more than one person at a time.
  
  if you are someone who can be in love w/ more than one person at a time, that makes things very tricky. but for me, the heart of the matter is, well...the heart.
  
  ed

• Beautiful_Wreck said on Dec 03, 2006....

  Yes, indeed, SW, it is a matter of the heart. I guess you are lucky, in some ways, if you can only be in love with one person at a time. I suppose that makes life much easier.

• silverwhisper said on Dec 04, 2006....

  that's an extremely difficult situation in which to find yourself, then. i regret that i have nothing i can say that would be helpful to you.
  
  ed

• Beautiful_Wreck said on Dec 04, 2006....

  Yes, Silver, I suppose it is one of the most difficult.
  
  I didn't mean to fall in love with him, or he with me. But, there it is.

• silverwhisper said on Dec 04, 2006....

  you can't help who you fall in love with, BW. love isn't, after all, an act of will: it's an act of the heart and it's notoriously something over which none of us have any control.
  
  the real kicker of course is being in such a situation, knowing what the right thing to do is, and knowing that doing the right thing, even though it hurts so very much.
  
  stupid question: would you characterize him as your soulmate? there are others on soulcast who've found themselves in this exact situation. is your marriage an otherwise happy one? is his?
  
  ed

• Beautiful_Wreck said on Dec 04, 2006....

  Silver--Yes, I know. Love is not something we can control--most emotions aren't. And we have made the choice to do the right thing because it seems like the best choice all the way around.
  
  Would I characterize him as my soulmate? He's the air I breathe; the pulse in my veins. Yes, he's very much my soulmate.
  
  Would I characterize my marriage as a happy one? Honestly, my husband and I wear the masks of happiness more often than not. Looking back, I probably never should have married him. But I made the choice that I thought was the best one at the time. So, I suppose, whether our marriage is a happy one would depend on how one define's true happiness.
  
  I know that our marriage is no real partnership, which is what a marriage, in my opinion, should be.

• silverwhisper said on Dec 05, 2006....

  i suppose it isn't practical for you and he to find a way to be together, either?
  
  i'm very sorry, BW. your situation is among the most painful in which to be.
  
  ed

• Alyss said on Dec 05, 2006....

  Beautiful Wreck; I have somehow missed your posts before today. I am in exactly the same situation. I am in love with someone who is not my husband, a friend before all else and now the person I call my soulmate. So I offer you some gentle words from one who understands the confusion, above all else be true to yourself and your feelings. Do not attempt to deny them or hide them but examine closely and determine if they are what you think they are.
  
  I see from your other posts that the feelings are mutual and that complicates things even further and so you both as individuals have to decide what is best for you both to do. The right thing,as so many describe it, is not always the easiest path and, it seems to me, to be full of pain and hurt.
  
  Do take care.

• destinydiva said on Mar 03, 2008....

  so, za...erm sola... I mean beautiful wreck :-) 
  what did you and silver decide?? you even reveal the source of all your built up anger...  anyways.. my last comment on the subject...  just wanted ya to know that I know ;-)
  

• Beautiful_Wreck said on Mar 03, 2008....

  Desitny--
  
  It's none of your business what I decided. And what I decided has nothing to do with Silver.  Or are you trying to imply something?  If you are, spit it out.
  
  My built up anger?  Oh, and what do you assume the source of that is?
  
  If you are so convinced I am Zayda, whom you hate so much, why are you commenting on my blog?
  
  I don't know what you think you know, other than your mistaken assumption that I am Zayda. About that, you could not be more wrong.
  

• Beautiful_Wreck said on Mar 03, 2008....

  Alyss:  Thank you for your advice and kind words.  Being true to myself is most important as of late. So thank you.

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