OK, first off, I'm not gay. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

But I think it's high time that the world quit concerning themselves with other people's body parts.

I've never really understood why so many people have so many problems with homosexuals. They don't want them to get married. They don't want them to teach their kids. They don't want them leading a religious service.

I just don't get it. But then again, that's probably because I live my simple life with this simple rule:

UNLESS MY SPECIFIC, UNIQUE, AND PERSONAL GENETALIA IS INVOLVED, I DON'T GIVE A FLYING CRAP.

Hey, you wanna take a cheese grater to your private parts??? Have at it. Enjoy. Knock yourself out. Won't affect MY schlong one tiny bit.

Therefore, why should I care what other people do with their bodies in their spare time? Very simply, I shouldn't. Unless it involves pedophilia or rape, which are both crimes.

It's so very hypocritical. Imagine this. Two gay people want to get married at a courthouse in...let's say Boise, Idaho. People will come out of the WOODWORK. "No, no, no and under no circumstances!" they will scream whilst scrawling out signs with Biblical quotations on them.

Now let's say in...Boise, Idaho, an axemurdering internet scammer wants to marry a woman who is dumping toxic waste into the water supply. NO PROBLEM! SIGN THEM UP!

Let's say a woman who has ten kids she can't take care of wants to marry a man with fourteen cases of unpaid child support. SIGN THEM UP!

Anybody else see the problem here?

If you're going to be against any kind of marriage, be against it based on MERIT. Claim people should pass some sort of test before they're allowed to get hitched. Come up with any parakeet shit eating crazy idea you want.

But to discriminate against a whole segment of the population just because they engage in different sexual activity than YOU do??? Please. I think we all know that the majority of people who have a problem with gay marriage are probably avoiding sex at all costs anyway.

Considering the state of marriage in this country, and how all sorts of sociopathic chew toys get married without an ounce of concern, one would think that people would have written off the whole institution.

So, the next time someone rails on about being against gay this or gay that, ask them if they believe in vaginal sex.

If they say yes, tell them you're starting a Constitutional amendment preventing people who believe in vaginal sex from getting married, since what kind of sex you have is such a key determining factor in who should get married.

Then throw out a few random ones to spice up the conversation. Premature ejaculators shouldn't be allowed to pilot aircraft. Frigid women shouldn't be allowed to teach grade school. Guys attracted to big boobs shouldn't be allowed to handle produce.

Makes about as much sense.

If the religious types REALLY want to punish gay people, LET THEM GET MARRIED. Isn't that punishment enough on its own?

Now, where did I put that cheese grater....?