As I was strolling through the new trillion-dollar Home Depot today
on some lame mission to procure sufficient supplies in which to paint a
piece of poorly attached ply-board for a building that isn't even
supposed to be seen (that’s another blog.), there was a familiar song
playing over the store's sound system. It's not one of those songs that
you'd have on your I-pod per se, but just one of those sort of easy
listening type of melodies with a slow rhythm that you'll find yourself
humming for the next 3 days, filling anyone in your immediate vicinity
with an unshakeable urge to strangle you with a one of the 600
different variety of garden hoses found on aisle 392.
So I begin to ponder this idea of "easy listening" music, and why in
today’s ever changing culture, this concept has remained a constant in
a predominantly variable atmosphere. Was is it the general public
itself who decided easy-listening music should be standard at places of
business, or perhaps some higher power with a hidden agenda? An agenda in which to subdue
our evil natures and try to coax us into a lethargic, kicked back state be it Phil Collins or Norah Jones.
This begins to weigh on me deeply as I walk through this immense
jungle of capitalism at its finest. I see slighty overweight middle aged men who should be
at construction sites yelling profanity through ten penny nails,
instead glaring at power tools in the same way a transient glares at
the trash dumpster behind Jack in the Box. I see young couples smiling
and holding hands as they ooo and ahh over ceiling fans that dozens of
Malaysian children probably sacrificed limbs to assemble. I see the
proud brought to their knees, hopelessly mesmerized by an arsenal of 2
by 4s.
Perhaps it is only the thought of a better home that
drives them into such hunter-green-themed ecstasy. Then again, maybe it
is the soothing sounds of the music being audibly pumped into their
subconcious minds like so much morphine. This is when it finally hits
me. It must be the "easy-listening" that propagates such behavior in
the likes of these. The music industry being shamelessly used as a
marketing ploy throughout the globe.
Thoughts of happiness and joy in
big stores make people feel welcome in the belly of the beast. A little
Savage Gardenand
soon you're walking out to your gas inhaling SUV with a kitchen
sink made out of pure titanium and a washing machine. A washing machine
with a plasma screen TV that pops out of the agitator so you can catch
reruns of I Love Lucy for the 7 seconds it takes to load your
laundry. And why stop there? The powers that be
are clearly onto something here, lifestyles need background music; Hollywood
has already more than established this. How about some Slayer blasting
in the Mortuary when you're picking out that casket? How about a little
Keith Sweat or Boyz-2-Men when you're in the Mattress Mart?
You people think you are the ones making these decisions? Although I
have absolutely no proof, I'm willing to bet Kelly Clarkson alone was
the main reason at least 1,000 American families went
bankrupt last year. We are not in control, we are mere innocent
bystanders that can only watch as our flesh wilts under the pressure of
"Kiss from a Rose" and our common sense is brutally ravaged by John
Mayer and his acoustic weapon of mass destruction. So my plea is
this, stop the soft music
man, I just want my life back. Search for yourself, you'll thank me
someday, in the security of padded walls.
- Derek.
Derek posted on Nov 09, 2006
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