Meh. I had no idea how much things could change just from one little fight..

 

My fight with Bogle has certainly escalated. But I've found that I can still get away with spiting him about some things, so that's what I've been doing. First I contacted his almost-girlfriend's brother, who's in the army, relaying to him everything that has happened, how it's straining my relationship with Kick, and how he plans to cheat on her... hit & leave, that sorta deal. Turns out, Alycia (the girl) found out about that from other people, so I didn't even really need to post it. Chris (army boy) told me that when he visits for Xmas he's going to kick some major ass.

 

Since Chris and Jerome left for the military, no one stands up for Kick anymore. James and Bogle and even Mike have all augered some serious attitude problems, and they treat me and him like shit. Kick and I are both sensitive types who have a few issues with confrontation. The only difference is that I have a little more backbone... I'm always ready to stand up for myself if I feel threatened and when I get angry I get even. Kick prefers to talk things out, but with people like these that never works really. He thinks I'm too childish when angered, but to me it doesn't matter what it comes off as... I see getting me angry as a lack of respect for me, and I tell people straight out what makes me angry and what only frustrates me a little. I am the way I am because it shows people they shouldn't mess with me. I will hit where it hurts, and I won't stop until I think I got even.

 

Because I'm so sensitive, people tend to be either overly sheltering of me or they just flat out treat me like shit. I'm a fire spirit, I can never hold back a reaction, so everyone loves to get a rise out of me. I take that as an offense.

 

When it came to spiting Bogle, I did little things like turn on lights when he's asleep (he's nocturnal) and play my rap folder a little louder tahn everything else. I pretended like he didn't exist, and I onyl spoke to him when I felt that not answering would brew a huge confrontation. If I don't respect you or I feel that what you did was like, really out-there, I will tattle on you... and that's exactly what I did. I never had to exaggerate or lie (I wouldn't anyway) abuot the things he did. He was just a bad person. Kick's mom was taking a little too long to kick him out, despite how much she was disliking him.

 

It took a while, but I take responsibility for getting Kick's older crackhead brother to move out. He's 29 and shouldn't be taking advantage of his mom like that. Everyone wanted him out; he kept making the cable bill skyrocket, and he was a real jerk. Kick's mom asked me to tattle if he smoked or did drugs up in our bedroom when I came down sneezing from it one day, so of course I agreed. Honestly I think it was inevitable, I just tend to have a catalyst effect on everyone. I make things accelerate. I never swayed from my plans, and Bogle moved out a lot sooner than I was expecting.

 

Kick had made some hints that once I got a good job that Bogle would probably have to go, but he never said anything about it that made mroe than an impression in my mind. He seems upset that Bogle left, but I can tell he's relieved, not just because it stopped the fighting.

 

When the boys took my cable privileges away, they seemed to forget that I have an uncanny way of getting whatever I want. Hell, my name means "victory". Whenever they both were at work, I would watch TV. I'd complain to Kick's mom because she felt what they were doing was unfair, also. Me and her agree that it doesn't matter who pays the most for what, it's her house and her rules. The onyl thing she wouldn't back me up on was internet, but I soon found that just by making my IP addy hidden that I could get net from their router without anyone saying a word to me. To this day, no one ever noticed unless I told them in confidence. To me taking away my privileges seemed really unjust, because even though I was fired in September, I have been relentless in my job search. If Bogle or Kick would've been looking for another job, I would NEVER have done such rude things to them. I'd be understanding. Bogle never looks at things from anyone's point of view but his own. He's such an inconsiderate little prick.

 

So after I found out that he was making that rule because his parents did the same to him, I immediately thought of a great comeback, I just never had the opportunity to let him know abuot it. My mom has a rule that you must be respectful and quiet when everyone's sleeping, but after 11 or 12 (depending on if it's a weekday or weekend), you're allowed to turn on lights or unmute things. He goes to bed at 8am, so I thought that'd be an amusing little act to perform. Unfortunately, I never got the chance. Then about a week ago it occured to me that I wouldn't be at all surprised if they took food away from me, too, since I didn't pay for that either. Kick says that's completely different, but I find it exactly the same.

 

Well Val (kick's mom) kept telling me that sooner or later this fight was going to come to a head and that Bogle would probably move out because he had other places to go; I don't. The reason for that is a long story I'll blog about another time. Val said that Bogle was never supposed to move in in the first place, he just did. It started with him sleeping over every night, then it came to him sneaking in boxes of his things, then he started paying for the cable and water bills so Val was kind of like "ehhh..". I agree in that I never wanted him here myself. Everyone in this house knows that he was only here because we needed help paying the bills. When I did have a job I got paid $80 every two weeks, but I helped out where I could. My last paycheck went solely towards rent when an emergency payment-thing came up. And now that I'm jobless and looking, I try to cook, clean, do laundry, and help out where I'm needed. I'd do that anyway, but I've stepped it up so I don't seem like a complete freeloader.

 

Anyways, yesterday morning Kick and I woke up before his alarm went off at 10:30. We kissed and cuddled a little before he got dressed and went into work early. I was too chilled to get up, so I ended up laying in bed until 1:45, drifting into and out of really odd dreams that bordered on nightmares. He had asked me to wake Bogle at  2. I knew he had to go into work at 4, and I wasn't in the mood to get lectured. I find that it's hard to ignore someone when they keep talking to you like they're your friends, and you're element of being nice takes over and you end up being civil for a bit. I really did not want to wake him up, but I didn't want to piss off my boyfriend, so I would whisper "asshole wakeup". It seems a little rude, but Bogle being up all night means I barely get any sleep. I started to feel realyl heavy and dizzy, so I sat on the couch and cuddled with Onyx (cat) until my stomach growls made me get up. I finished off Bogle's one box of apple toaster strudels because the only alternative is ramen, and I have ramen too often. I spotted Val and we talked a bit, then I mentioned taht he wouldn't wake up, so she yelled up the stairs saying odd things, but to my surprise it didn't work. She told me to just do what I wanted, he wasn't my responsibility and I did try. So I showered, finished eating, and started doing algebra 2 because I felt like solving for x. Bogle woke up around 3:30 and made a snide remark that no one woke him. He should wake himself up... he's 18.

 

I'd randomly go down and chat with Val since I was bored. She said I could TV anytime I wanted, but my niceness kicked in while he was asleep, and I just knew that he'd have something to yell about. He seems to think that he can order everyone around, and that rubs me the wrong way. Val's like "I can't believe what a dick he is to you. This is not his house. He can't make you get a job if you're having trouble." And that really made my day, because I feel you shouldn't try to make anyone do anything either, with a few exceptions. Plus, he's younger than me, so that kind of added to my frustrations.

 

Kick came to pick up Bogle for work and said taht he'd try to get off early because Sernic needs the money (he's another del. driver). He confided to me later that once his DUI goes through, Sernic won't be able to come back to work for six months, and he's been having money problems since his dad died a few years back. I thought that was every kind of him, but Bogle bitched about it. He's such a jerk about things. He doesn't know the whole situation, but he does know that Sernic is having money problems.

 

After they left I got dressed (Bogle's air mattress blocked my dressers) and went to go help Val cook dinner. James appeared. He went upstairs to use Bogle's computer because he doesn't like Kick all that much, and he only said hello so he could see if the pc's were fixed yet or not. I went up soon after and talked to James, and I was about to play FF X-2, but I realized that my brother had copied the Sly 2 data instead so I didn't have my memory for it. I put in FFX and started to play. I wasn't even through one battle before James told me to get off. He said he was there to enforce Bogle's wishes and Bogle had said no video games. Kick and Val said I could play video games because they don't involve cable, and Kick said he'd discuss taht with Bogle so I could paly if I wanted and no one would bother me. James raised his voice and I again said no, and he said that he didn't care what anyone else said, Bogle's word was law. When I refused to stop playing he charged over and unhooked the cables. I raised my voice a little and said that the game was mine and the PS2 was Kick's so Bogle had no say, and I went on to add that this isn't his house so he shouldn't be makign rules like that. James flipped and pulled his knife on me, so I ran downstairs before it could get worse. He started screaming at the top of his lungs and I ranted in a small voice that him and Bogle don't give a damn about us and they never care to hear anyone else's side of the story. I opened the door, shaking, and retreated. Val was in the livingroom when I came down and had heard everything he yelled at me. I went down in the basement to play with the new cat after she promised to give him her 2 cents. After a while I heard someone come downstairs and leave, so I thought it was him and started up the stairs. I barely made any when I heard his voice laughing and talking to Val. I was a little stunned and a bit more perturbed, but I went back into the basement. I came up about half an hour later and Val said he went back upstairs. Dinner finished and I was filling my plate when Kick came in. Somehow he had known about the fight, and I really didn't understand that. He took a little food and went upstairs to talk to James. He came back down and the things he said to me made me think he was taking his side even though he said he'd never take a side, so I angrily cut him off. He got pissed and went back upstairs.

 

By this time I couldn't eat anymore and cleaned off my plate. I laid my head down and started to cry. Val came in and said James wasn't worth my tears. I went into the livingroom to receive some comfort. Kick came down again and told me to come upstairs. I said I refused since James was still up there, and if I did go up I'd throw something at him, so frustrated I still was. Kick went back upstairs and I went out on the porch in the cold, wanting to get away from the drama. James came down and asked why I said he pulled a knife on me. I said I wanted him to leave me alone and that I wanted him and Bogle out of my life. Val's friend was leaving so she was outside as well. I speedwalked to the bathroom at an attempt to lock myself in, but he jammed himself in the door. Kick told him to calm down. I went to find shelter near Kick in the livingroom and he asked me if James pulled a knife on me, and he asked me not to lie about it, because it was uncharacteristic of James to pull his knife for something like this. I looked into his eyes and said "you don't beleive me" over and over, and then finally said yes. James was behind me and started flipping out, screaming "you lying bitch! how dare you!". I got even mroe afraid and went into Val's room. Kick kept him from coming in and tried to calm him down. I retreated into a corner, sat down, and held my knees tightly to my chest, shaking. I was so afraid I was going to get hurt. After I quit hearing voices I yelled for Kick. He eventually came in and gave me a hug. We talked a little and he said that James had stormed out, so it was safe. I was unconvinced that I was safe, but I went upstairs with him. He called Chris for advice, I filled out applications I had lying on the table. Chris told him he shouldn't squander a great relationship for "friends" he's only known a short time, and some other things. I tried not to listen to the convo out of respect.

 

We then went to take the application into CoGo's and because of all the drama we decided to drive around. He calmed me down and made me feel more positive about it all, and he took me to King's to ask for an app there, then to Taco Bell. I was so appreciative. We pulled into the parking lot across the street from his house and he said he thought he saw Bogle and James sitting on the porch. I thought he was just trying to joke around with me, but after I got out of the door I saw them for myself and got scared. We stopped at the porch and I talked to Shauna while James and Bogle made some rude comments. I tried my best to ignore it. Kick took them both upstairs to talk, and Shauna said I was more than welcome to come in her side of the house, so I did. I was shaking, but I tried to seem ok. Shauna said if they took Megan to her mom's to drop off her daughter that I could come along and I agreed, but they wanted to see a movie and were runnign late so I stayed behind with Jer and the baby. I went to the bathroom and tried to calm myself down, and realized taht all the stress was the reason I was breaking out so bad. It's been a rough week for me.

 

I only calmed a little but then we started hearing the door to Val's side opening and shutting every five seconds, and Jer went out to investigate. He came back in and reported that Bogle was moving out. I was so thrilled but tried to remain unphased. Bogle appeared and said "I hope you're happy bitch!" in a really nasty tone and immediately left. I was confused. I've learned that Jer isn't completely trustworthy so I wasn't completely satisfied that he was leaving. I thought maybe he was getting things to sleepover James's or something. Jer went out for a smoke and kept anyone from coming in to bother me. I was surprised and very appreciative. Jer normally isn't that nice.

 

After a few minutes Kick came to get me and bring me upstairs. He said that Bogle made him choose between him and me, and Kick chose me. Bogle said he wouldn't hold any ill will towards Kick and they decided that Kick will hang with them on Wednesdays and Thursdays, and if it was all right I'd need to leave. I was fine with that, and I had him promise to not let them talk shit on me. He went to sleep after sex, but I couldn't sleep. James had made another appearance saying he would be over on Monday after school to use Kick's pc, despite the agreement that he'd stay away from me. I have no idea why Kick agreed to that, but he said that James is harmless and he wouldn't bother me at all, I should just not play video games or watch tv just in case. I made plans to take my things for when we go out later and disappear until Kick gets home from school. I'm not taking any chances.

 

James coming back like that really shook me up again. I had noticed that I haven't even been horny or happy the past week because of all the stress, and I figured that once they start coming over when they're supposed to only, things will smooth over. I couldn't sleep that night, thinking he'd come back again and hurt me in my sleep. I became paranoid. I stayed up and read and drew, but I couldn't calm myself down. I fell into a fitful slumber. I woke up to Kick's alarm at 10 til 6 and helped him wake up. He left early for school to try and make up time since he was sick Thursday. I had issues getting back to sleep, especialyl now that I was alone. I had nightmares about James coming to attack me, and every little sound made me jump out of my skin. I think all the nightmares have been stress-related also, because I've never had 3-4 in a night straight for a week like that. I somehow managed to catch a few hours and woke again at 1130. I laid in bed and plotted out my day and tried to return to normal.

 

Unfortunately, I find that I'm still very jumpy, and it's getting worse the closer the clocks get to 2:50, when the high school lets out. I was planning on hiding in the basement, then once James was up here I'd come up to the kitchen or something, then outside to wait for Kick around 4:30. James has said time and time again that he wouldn't hurt anyone because he wouldn't be able to continue with the army, but I'm still so afraid. I'm tempted to look into a restraining order or two.

 

Here's to a better week. Cheers.