It gets me nowhere. I try to be the best that I can be, but I always seem to fall short in my own eyes.
I've never considered myself a perfectionist, but I'm coming to realize that I am. I can't stand it when I fail. I put so much pressure on myself that I don't enjoy the world around me. My flaws glare at me. I don't seem to be able to forgive myself for them.
Forgiveness flows easily for me if it is for someone else. For myself it trickles at best. I think part of it comes from plugging along in a world where no one notices me. I want to throw good things out in the wind to get some attention. Most of the time I hear things like, "That's great, but next time why don't you try this." In my mind I wish that whatever I had done could have been better.
I grew up in a very critical home. Blame was always being brandished about. I was always the good girl trying not to get into trouble. I seemed to always fall a little short. That has carried over into my adult life. I am very critical of myself. I don't give myself a break.
Perfection is elusive. My analytical mind tells me that. My inner child searches for it though. My subconcious struggles with the thought of, "If I could just be perfect, then I might get noticed and someone might really love me."
I know that I can't be perfect. I comfort people with "nobody's perfect" all the time. I tell myself that my best is good enough. But, I can't seem to settle for that. So, now letting go of my perfectionsist tendencies needs to go on my to do list.
It never ends.
CW
CreativeWoman posted on Nov 03, 2006
| views: 433
Comments
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lioneljay said on Nov 03, 2006....
CW, I wish that I could hold your hand and take you on a walk through my house. You see, many of the decorative objects and even some of the furniture came from my workbench. And on this walk I would show you every single minute flaw in each piece - but only after you'd oooohed and ahhhhhed at their simple beauty. I have known your pain and known the daily reminders that I don't measure up to my own standards. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why I keep trying new things in life.
You cannot be a perfectionist without having extraordinary strength and talent. For if you did not, reaching for perfection couldn't feel like a reasonable expectation of yourself. I've found that one of the least successful bits of advice for a perfectionist is to suggest that one "accept that it's good enough." Good enough is never good enough, you know?
Instead, consider who must be satisfied with each action. When you make breakfast for the kids, are they happy with what you put in front of them? When you write a new card verse, does your publisher buy it and ask for another? Satisfaction is its own reward, don't you think?
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CreativeWoman said on Nov 03, 2006....
lionel,
You make some very good points. I can't seem to reach the point where I am satisfied with my accomplishments. In fact, I go so far that I rarely toot my own horn about them. You are right, "good enough is never good enough" for me. I am always striving to be better. That part is a good thing I suppose.
Thank you for your encouragement. :-)
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silverwhisper said on Nov 03, 2006....
CW, i'm told quite often by those who know me well that i have an unnecessarily poor opinion of myself. in all the blog entries you've posted, that seems quite clearly to be part of who you are as well.
your approval has to come from yourself, CW, and i know you know this on some level: you know this b/c this is what you tell your friends who struggle w/ the same issue, don't you? :>
ed
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CreativeWoman said on Nov 03, 2006....
silver,
You are correct, my friend. I do give that advice to my friends. I do realize that the same applies to me, but I just don't seem to be enlightened enough to accept it. I need to work on that inner voice thing going on with me. Does that make any sense?
CW
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silverwhisper said on Nov 03, 2006....
believe me, CW, i know exactly what you mean about this. :>
ed
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BlogObsessed said on Nov 03, 2006....
SW - I've been struggling myself the past many months with "self-loathing" or whatever you want to call it. All too painfully aware of my failing, insecurities - at least from my own point of view of myself. I get caught up in too much self-analysis and can't see the forest for the tress. I guess that's why my blog here at SC resists being about me - I am escaping from self-analysis - or rather doing it in a veiled fashion. Friends try to boost my self-image etc. but it doesn't do the trick because it has to come from within me. Something so much easier said than done. I don't want to settle for second best. I want to be good, very good at what I do. Ego mixed with crushing insecurity. My personal and professional life right now are in caos - which of course to my mind means I am obviously to blame. A vicious cycle. So I guess what I'm saying is I really understand your desire for perfection and your being hard on yourself. I also know how self-destructive it is, though it is very hard to stop doing it to ourselves when its a habit so ingrained that it is part of who we are. Sorry for the long, self-centered comment. But your post got under my skin. Thanks for listening and please try to let up on yourself. I think we can find a way to push ourselves towards perfection without it being part of a lack of sense of self worth. -
anonymous said on Nov 03, 2006....
You just sound like my mum ,even she tries to gain perfection in whatever she does.And I really love her for that .Me and my dad just appreciate her dedication .I really dont know the right answer but all Ican tell you is that even if not today but tommorow someone will surely recognize you.Do you belive in GOD? if yes then always remember He is there loving you all the time for your hardwork ,good deeds and dedication towards your work. -
missb said on Nov 03, 2006....
CW,Trying to be perfect all the time can be tiring, and what's worse is that you can never be perfect anyway. But it does have its upsides as well, IMHO.I hope it'll get better for you soon :)Cheers! -
CreativeWoman said on Nov 03, 2006....
silver,
I see that you do understand. I hope that you can be a little easier on yourself too.
Blog,
"Ego mixed with crushing insecurity" is exactly how I feel. I guess identifying that is a step in correcting it. I'm sure there are a lot of us out there who experience that. You hit the nail on the head.
annonymous,
Thank you. You are helping your mom greatly by showing your appreciation for her. I do believe in God and hope that I don't fall short in my faith as well. I know He is more forgiving of my imperfections that I am.
missb,
It is tiring. Thank you.
CW
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MissMimi said on Nov 03, 2006....
CW I would appreciate it ifi you would stop thinking my thoughts. ;) :hugs: I like you just the way you are. -
Jenna said on Nov 03, 2006....
You are too hard on yourself wonderful lady! So many of us love you...for just being you! -
PAPERBACKWRITER said on Nov 03, 2006....
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gingersoul said on Nov 03, 2006....
Dear CW,i am very hard on myself as well....many times i need good friends to remind me of all the accomplishments i did made.....i am coming to understand lately that exactly what i consider my wors "sins" are the ones that save me from having a lower self esteem...i am talking of my laziness and procrastination.They surprisingly make me go easy on my goals (even though sometimes too easy....) but indeed they relieve the pressure from my shoulders...I have a dear friend that once told me "If i can't do it perfectly i am not going to even try". To her i answered that trying is already the road to perfection IF perfection is something of this world, which is NOT.They say the perfectionism is fed by low self esteem, excessive and negative criticism from others, tendency to consider yourself less than others and to achieve alwyas the best in any situation is only a on defensive mode we choose to protect ourself..Sadnes is others don't appreciate it. And you remain alone, in your kitchen where you might have cooked a superb dinner that everyone ate amd gave you compliment for but at the end the only thing you hear is that little, inner voice saying "Darn, i put too much salt in the soup"..CW, i woul like to give a better advice...but only you can help yourslef...We all are only poor souls sthriving for the best...we can always help each other though....~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HUGS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Lionel...i loved the example you offered CW....Silver....i would have never guessed that you have a poor opionion of yourself...and this is a compliment -
PAPERBACKWRITER said on Nov 03, 2006....
Hello Ms CreativeWoman,
I´m Paper and I think I´m your 205th subscriber! Wow, you are a very popular SoulCaster, and since we are not in MySpace it can only mean that people enjoy your inner-self don´t they?
Silver had a blog, asking fellow SC members what they will not reveal in their blog....I , who has just been recently healed from my writers block, commented that thinking about so many details not to write that my compromise my anonymity will just set me back, ugh!
And further on, I said that I believe one reveals already oneself, when one write. I read the title of the blog and was caught, seeing your name as the blogger made me click on the topic.
Silver mentioned your name as I asked about SoulCast members who have already been published because I seek assistance for my goal as a novelist and children´s book illustrator and author.
I like your style of writing and most of all I like how you have related the emotion you feel; I could only say DITTO, I could only say thank you for articulating this emotion, it makes me feel better, to be shown again and again and again, that I´m not the only person going through it. I recognize myself so intensely.
You touched my soul. Love and Peace, P -
quidnunc said on Nov 03, 2006....
CW, it is good to always aim for perfection, but we must all learn to accept the level of our accomplishments, gladdened, contented, and comforted by the thought that we have done our best.
doing our best is always enough, in my honest opinion.
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Nataku007 said on Nov 03, 2006....
CW= i know how ya feel. i'm that way myself. my family has always been extremely critical.. and I think that hearing them talk trash on other family members for being average all the time really just hit me. I've not only become a perfectionist but an extreme people pleaser. >< So I know what youre going through. But at the same time, I don't see perfectionism as a bad thing. By being a perfectionist I've done things I never thought I could do and I find that I strive for and achieve jobs and objects that everyone else can't. ^_^ It might not be as bad as you thought! ^_^also, I think that being surrounded by extremely gifted artists has made me really critical of myself, and I don't believe people when they say I draw good because I know that they don't have an artistic eye. It's like I'm trying to push myself by wanting every line to be perfect. ^^ -
secretlife said on Nov 03, 2006....
CW:One of these days I'll learn to take my own good advice too.We're works in progress, so all we can do is keep trying harder.And yeah, the list never ends.SL -
Frlncwrtr said on Nov 03, 2006....
CW:
I can only add very little to all the good advice that you have already received from others.
I suffer from the same affliction too. I didn't realize that there were so many people who have
the same problem. I liked what BlogObsessed said, "Ego mixed with crushing insecurity,"
and find it interesting that you identify with that so much, because I do too.
I believe that my problem stems from my retirement that was due to an on-the-job injury.
You see, I knew that I was very good at what I did, and since retiring I can't seem to find
something that I feel I am good at. All I know is that I felt fine (emotionally) while doing my
job, but since then I believe that it is the ONLY thing that I am good at. But, since I cannot
do that job anymore, I feel there is no place where I belong.
Some advice that I have been given from several different sources is, “to break things down
into smaller steps in order to complete a given task more efficiently.” Then to, "take notice of
your accomplishments and achievements, and use them to build your self-confidence. With each successful accomplishment comes the ability to do something a little better, and a little harder."
I believe in this advice and try to use it to my advantage when I remember to USE IT.
Anyway, you have been given excellent advice already, and I know that you realize what your
problem is. That in and of itself is a BIG step forward. Like you, I think that I give good advice,
but tend not to follow it myself, so I hope this is of some help to you.
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leon3625 said on Nov 03, 2006....
no one is perfect for one's right is another's wrong
u can be perfect in yr own eyes but not others
well, who doesn't strive for exelence? (how do u spell it?)
perfection is just an illusion.....
well, no one likes to fail, right?
well...they say this all the time.....learn from your failures
pressure....
life is nothing without stress and pressure, all thought too much of them isnt good.....
(wat m i saying.................sigh)
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purrrkitten said on Nov 04, 2006....
In my journey to self worth, I've gone from a self perfectionist (I NEVER expect perfection from anyone else!!) to accepting that I need to treat myself forgivingly, the same way I treat everyone else! NO ONE is perfect! You can do your best (which is as close to perfection as you can get) and then forgive yourself for the rest. It's a very difficult thing to do. Nataku has a very good point. Perfectionism does seem to come passed down from family. Especially critical ones. You've got to start loving and accepting yourself like we've come to love and accept you! :-) -
CreativeWoman said on Nov 05, 2006....
Thank you for all for your wonderful supportive comments. I don't give myself breaks. I never have. I know I need to.
I take all of your comments to heart and I appreciate every one of them.
CW