I feel like I am on the verge of discovering something vitally important about myself. I'm restless, and my thoughts have become increasingly frantic and disorganized.
This is not the first time I've been on this precipice. But this time, it's very intense. And I know what's probably going to happen. I'll lose my nerve, and stop overturning emotional stones. Once again I'll let fear make the decisions.
This big discovery? I'm convinced it's going to be bad. Once I know what it is, I won't be able to avoid doing the hard work of walking through it. I feel a sense of forboding, as if the moment of reckoning is rapidly approaching.
And so I have to decide whether I dig deeper and clean up my emotional swamp, or turn back and just slap another layer of bandaids on it to keep the infection inside.
I know this sounds confusing. You should hear it from this side. I'm pretty scared right about now.
