• silverwhisper said on Oct 06, 2006....

  curiosity is only natural, you know.
  
  [hug]
  
  ed
  

• gingersoul said on Oct 06, 2006....

  Thank for the hug, ed....
  
  but yet...i should have known better....
  
  visualizing is different from imagining...in my mind i can imagine him doing stuff, i can catch myself thinking of him and his new life but not having a clue its easy to abort those thoughts...
  
  
  pictures tell you the life is happening somewhere far from you...
  pictures tell you the life is going on and you have been left behind...
  
  that smiles in that pictures are like slaps on my face..
  
  i even wondered if his new lovely wife didn't post all those pictures knowing i would have come to know about them sooner or later...why informing my daughter about them then?
  
  I wish i had a mind eraser right now...do you happen to have one? :-)
  

• silverwhisper said on Oct 06, 2006....

  GS: i'm afraid i don't. however...
  
  [hands GS a very strong cocktail]
  
  that might help. :>
  
  ed
  

• gingersoul said on Oct 06, 2006....

  This will work as well....thanks...
  why don't you come to my party, btw? :-)
  
  
  Pen, are you going to post this ad in any blog you go? I already saw it 3 times.....just asking....
  

• satyr said on Oct 06, 2006....

  *Hugs Ginger*
  
  Sometimes what we imagine is worse than reality. Like SW said, curiousity is natural.....and you were just trying to compare imagination with reality. I'm sorry the result didn't turn out happier for you (or does that put us back to that envy thing again?)
  

• secretlife said on Oct 06, 2006....

  ginger: it's not punishment honey.
  *wraps arms around ginger*
  nobody is punishing you.
  
  it only feels that way because you are so hurt.
  
  he can't wipe away the years you had together - no
  matter if he has 100 different lives away from you.
  
  your daughter is living proof ginger - in case you need l living proof.
  
  he's simply moved on.
  
  one day, when you are able to let go of this hurt,
  so will you.
  
  And when you do, you'll know first hand that the
  times with him aren't erased at all. They are just
  past.
  
  *hugs you*
  
  you still have a lot of crying to do. that's ok too.
  it's like a journey - each person at their own pace -
  

• silverwhisper said on Oct 06, 2006....

  GS: sorry, i'm just not a costume guy. :\
  
  ed
  

• gingersoul said on Oct 06, 2006....

  Satyr......thank for the hug, i reciprocate it...:-)
  Funny you say reality is worst than imagination....i was actually trying to decide if in my past experiences the worst i was imagining matched the reality.....
  
  I always said at the end that I knew it, i was prepared for that...
  
  So, yes, my imagination always kind of matched the reality.....
  
  And funny you mentioned envy....
  Well, yes i am envy of a lot of things he now does that he didn't do with but i am not jealous anymore...jealousy implies that i have some kind of right on someone....from love or from law...but i dont have this right anymore on him....so i am not jealous....
  
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HUG~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
  Secret.....you are so sweet...
  
  You always find the words....
  I know he's moved on.
  I know i have still lot of tears to cry.
  
  This is my only wish : that the time in which i finally will be the one who moved on come soon.
  That i can look back without this bitterness and nostalgia.
  Knowing that life has cleaned the path and there is a new breeze moving the leaves....
  I hug you too.
  
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HUG~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  

• momsrock said on Oct 06, 2006....

  I know that it doesn't happen over night...and it shouldn't. Jumping into a new life can leave you unfulfilled and constantly looking back. I believe taking the time to mourn, heal and move on will only make you more complete.
  
  Hugs to you!!!
  
  To add to your "envious" discussion, I am envious of you that you have loved enough to be hurt. :)
  
  I hope you have a much better day tomorrow!!
  

• raft said on Oct 06, 2006....

  Sorry you feel so bad about it. *hug*
  
  I don't know your circumstances so just tell me to take a hike if that helps.
  
  Was it really a mistake though? Like Secretlife mentioned, he's moved on. Maybe it shows to you that it might be time to do the same?
  
  Then again, I know I'd be thrown for a loop or two if my wife and I went splitsville.
  
  Life sucks sometimes, doesn't it? It invariably gets better.
  

• gingersoul said on Oct 06, 2006....

  Scaly.......i will do what you say.....i will try to relax and take a big breath...and even if you think you didn't say much you said a lot to me....you said "friends" .....thank you...
  
  
  Moms.....this a very touching truth..it is better to feel this pain than not having loved at all...
  ....but why do you envy me though?
  Didn't you love enough? Don't say so.....
  Thank you for you sweet words....
  
  Raft....no, please...don't take a hike..:-)
  it helps if you stay and talk, instead...
  and you are right.... that pictures show too that its really time to let go, to start taking some pictures of me living fully again my life ....i tried but it didnt work......maybe it was too soon....
  
  i will send you some pix as soon as i can .....LOL
  
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HUGS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  

• CreativeWoman said on Oct 06, 2006....

  Gingersoul,
  
  I feel the pain in your post. Hugs to you. You have friends here that care.
  
  CW
  

• gingersoul said on Oct 07, 2006....

  CW,
  
  i am feeling overhelmed by all these so nice expressions of caring that you and others are showing to me.....
  
  any little word counts.....
  
  thank you so much....i hug you back tight.
  Have a good night.
  
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HUG~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  

• hotaka said on Oct 07, 2006....

  Ouch! That was something you didn't need to step into. If you separated on good terms you could be happy for him but since you called him a bastard then you don't want to know of his happiness.
  
  Ian Gillan is the singer for Deep Purple and was during their biggest years in the 70s. But things went sour for him and he left. The band released three more albums with a new singer (David Coverdale who later started Whitesnake) before breaking up and then got back together again with Gillan in 1984. When asked about his opinion of the band after he left Gillan said that leaving DP was like a divorce. It was best not to know what the band was doing without him and he has never heard those albums. For all my exs, even the evil one, I hope they have found happiness. That way they won't be sticking pins in voodoo dolls of me.
  
  Are you happy in your life? You still have your daughter.
  

• lioneljay said on Oct 07, 2006....

  GS, I don't have any recent experience with the problem that you're having but I do have an observation...that until you let your curiosity take over for a few minutes you were making good progress in moving on. Didn't you say recently that you were just about ready to go back to your gym, back to the familiar energy of working up a sweat and feeling great about doing so?
  
  And aren't you having fun planning your virtual Halloween party? My costume, by the way, is not a crook.
  
  And then I will give what is becoming my standard advice to women here - get yourself some really good alone time with your vibe. Lots of time if you need it. And that face that comes to mind when you close your eyes? It should be Mel Gibson or Leo DiCaprio or Tyler Florence. You know what I mean? :D
  
  {{{{{gingersoul}}}}}, because hugs are always good.
  

• gingersoul said on Oct 07, 2006....

  Hotaka,
  
  i perfectly understand Gillan need to be completely ignorant about his ex band...
  thats' what i was doing, believe me....
  i took all our pictures away, i dind't listen to any together song.... i avoid asking details to my daughter about her time spent with her dad and his new family, i avoid going to her sport event when i know for sure he is going to, i explained to all our friends that i will not be present in case they organize something and he and his family will happen to be in the radar..
  
  I did all i could do to defend myself.
  I have even found a great boyfriend. It lasted only 5 months because right when i taught i could let my guard down and feel safe from my ex ghost all the memories caught me back!
  And comparison is an ugly beast....
  To the point i left my boyfriend, with no regret. He wasn't the right one at the right time.
  
  And now this huge slip....
  
  I wish happiness to my ex.....they are my past...i cherish them because they loved me and i felt love loving them...
  
  And I do have my daughter. My future is shaping around her.
  
  But guess i still have a lot of work to do...security system anyone? LOL
  
  
  Thank you for taking the time......
  
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~HUG~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  

• gingersoul said on Oct 07, 2006....

  Lionel.........oh, that big hug does feel good!!!!!
  {ginger squeezes lionel tight and rests her head on his shoulder for a moment...uhmm, she thinks, what a nice smell he has on...}
  
  Thank you..
  
  You are right....i was doing pretty good....i want keep doing good...
  I am not a loser....i will prove it....
  I went back to the gym already....
  
  Guess i have to understand that this healing process is taking its damn own time...i definetely cant' decide for it or force it....valley and peaks....
  
  And that suggestion....a vibe! MOI????...you are a devil! LOL
  
  You have the scoop: later I am going to write a blog about what i did last night....
  
  You have to wait now...i am teasing you like you teased me about your costume.....
  Btw, I am having fun with my party, the girls have great costumes and they are so fun to be with....the costume Secret chose is pure genius....
  
  About the faces? No, no, you didnt mention the ones that i might see popping up....the first ones being Jonnhy Depp and George Clooney......and a lot more....LOL
  
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HUGS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  

• precision said on Oct 07, 2006....

  You know, for some years after I divorced, I "checked up" on my wife and her new husband, now I could care less. I have custody of our son, and that is all that matters.
  
  In all reality, I get along better with her now than when we were married...cuz I never see the b@$%!...nevermind...lol
  

• gingersoul said on Oct 07, 2006....

  Precision...... i guess is a normal istinct...but it is wiser to indulge on it when you feel detached from them....its like all these details attack your own self esteem like a army of nasty bacteria and make you sick again...
  
  you can't help by start this sick comparison between what your ex accomplished and what you didn't, what your ex has and what you dont...
  
  i would say it goes even beyond the normal envy...
  
  they should sell a "PDP" as "post divorce pill" , 3 times a day or when it is necessary..like right now for me...lol
  
  thanks for stopping by...
  

• mobil said on Oct 07, 2006....

  ginger: Envy is one of the ugly emotions, it's one of those that
  eat holes in us. We all have these, jealousy, greed, hate. I don't
  know how to tell you to give up these ugly emotions, I have them
  myself.
  I just don't have them to any great extent. I used to, but I have
  somehow been able to come past them, for the most part.
  From where I sit and what you described in your post. The fist thing
  that came to mind was; this guy walked away from children or
  at least one child and a wife.
  He walked away ginger; what kind of human being can do that? I
  can't, couldn't and from what I've read, you couldn't either.
  This man must be a rather shallow individual ginger and he walked
  away from a lady who has depth and allot of love to share, not
  to mention the children.
  Lose the envy honey, if anyone should be lingering with ugly
  emotions, it certainly shouldn't be you !
  Pictures show only the outside, what is going on inside can
  be a whole other story.
  

• RollingC said on Oct 07, 2006....

  you're right mobil,
  God only knows if he's really happy or put those pic's on the internet for another reason.
  If someone is happy, do they really need to advertise and flaunt it?
  You can have all the toys in the world and still be the loneliest kid on the block.
  Think about it in those terms Ginger.....
  

• lioneljay said on Oct 07, 2006....

  Ginger, your faithful public awaits....where is that blog about last night? ;)
  
  I'm glad to hear that you're back to going to the gym. All those endorphins from exercise will boost your spirits and soon you'll be bouncing off the walls with happiness.
  

• khassandra2006 said on Oct 08, 2006....

  Hi ginger, I feel for you. Your story reminds me of the pain I felt when me and my ex broke up. He was my first love, the love of my life... We we're in an on and off relationship. Mostly of the problem was on his side. He told me he really loved me... but how can he say that when everytime he is away, he finds someone else ? Was it because we were in a long distance relationship and he needed companionship ? In fairness, these his so called "relationships" with the other girls would just last for weeks or months and he always come back to me. He wanted me to go and work where he was but I couldn't just leave my job that easy and relocate that fast. Three years ago, I learned from the people who know me that he was with someone else. I kept on asking him about it and told him that if he wants to be with the other girl, then better if we just call it off. But he keeps on telling me that there's no one else. So many things I heared about him.. so many things I felt was affecting me so much... so I had to detach myself from him... thinking that to let him go as of that moment was the best thing I could do... and when he comes back (again?)... then he really belongs to me... but that decision was the biggest mistake of my life. Later on, I learned that he got the girl pregnant. I thought it was the end of my life... I spent weeks crying of a lost love that I think my decision of being away from him was one of the reasons why it happened. Things and events could have been different if I was with him I thought it was the end of the world. Months passed, I kept myself busy with work, work, work. He kept on sending me text messages and calling me but I didn't answer any of them. Then my birthday came, he called me at 4:30am just to greet me and told me that he wants to be with me in that special day of my life... He asked me to marry him. Men are really confusing (ooppsss... not in general...). I told him why do you still contact me inspite all of that happened? The answer is always the same... he loves me. ... grrrrr! How can he say that but still can't resist temptation ? Is it because we were far from each other ? His family and my friends had been telling me though that it was the girl who made ways for all these things to happen. And he keeps on telling me that it's me whom he loves and he wants to marry me. But still, the pain is there. It's almost 3 years now since it happened. He and the girl didn't get married though as the girl is also commited with someone else (well, married but separated... arrg!) What a crazy world huh ?! He and the girl now maintains a friendly relationship nothing more. Well, maybe they have come to their senses. And the girl knows about me. He visits the kid from time to time. He's trying to be a responsible father. He said he's a changed man. But still I'm afraid to commit again. Whenever I see, a 2 year old boy, I remember everything and the pain is felt again. That boy could have been ours. We planned to have 3 kids. We could have been a happy family now. Reaching our dreams. Making our plans real. We had many plans before it happened. It could have been our 10th year in the relationship if only we did hold on to each other. But I've moved on. Though the pain comes back from time to time, I still can't forget that there's always life after all the pain, the downfall and sufferrings. I believe that things happen for a reason and maybe... yes maybe... this is just the beginning of something worthwhile... something that is worth fighting for... you have friends in here. You are not alone. I know someday, you will find the right one for you. So cheer up! :-) Hugs....
  

• DreamDrifter said on Oct 08, 2006....

  It can be hard to see that sort of thing, I'm sorry you had to experience it but as others have said, you aren't being punished but sometimes life hurts. What you need to do is focus on the present and on the future. You can't, and shouldn't, erace the past (nor can your ex even if it looks like he has) because who we are is built on where we came from - both the good and the bad - but that is the starting point and not the finish. For you, there is a future which has every potential to be great and that is the thing you need to remember. It takes time to get past the hurts in life and the bigger the hurt the harder it is to get past it, but give it time and the hurts do lessen and if you focus on the future rather than the past then things do get better. Hang in there - you have people who care here, which is amazing since we have never met and likely most of us will never meet and yet we care and that says something positive for the future.
  

• gingersoul said on Oct 08, 2006....

  Mobil, thank you for your sweet words of sympaty...
  you said it rigth...inside me the envy for his new shining life is still playing a big role in my bitterness...i have to learn to loose that feeling..
  it takes away joy from any of my accomplishments because i compare them to what he has and they seem nothing.
  You are rigth in another thing... i couldn't have walked away.....
  
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~HUG~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
  
  RollingC....yes, you are right......
  who knows what is behind those smiles...and flaunting them in that way ...
  but they are the only thing i can see...and it hurt....
  Thank you.
  
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HUG~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  

• gingersoul said on Oct 08, 2006....

  Khassandra.....what a sad story!
  I am sorry to read that..
  See? At one point both of us seemed to have blamed ourself for how our relationship ended...
  I think i still struggle to come to a term with it....but i am doing better...i can accept that dealing my share of responsabilities and my efforts to solve our problems were the only tools i had at that time...
  Now i would it differently...now you would do it differently as well......
  At least we have learned some valuable lessons....
  Thank you for sharing yor story and your tears....i feel you....
  Lets' hope that one day we will write a long blog talking only about our new happiness {{{{hugs}}}}
  

• gingersoul said on Oct 08, 2006....

  Dream.....i thought to cheat, to shorten my healing process throwing myself in another relatonhsip...
  
  i thought, honeslty, that i was ready...
  
  i wasn't.....it took me only few months to understand it....
  So i hurt another person in the process (a great guy) ....and i am back at the beginning...
  
  It really feel like i am in the middle of a very fragile bridge stretched between two flat fields and underneath me the depth of a canyon...i can hear the rumbling wates down there..
  
  the bridge is extremely narrow and i can go only forward .....yet.....from time to time i turn my head.....the bridge then swings, dangerously....
  better look in front of me......
  
  Thank you for your words.....i really appreciate them...
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HUG~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  

• DreamDrifter said on Oct 08, 2006....

  gingersoul: I understand how that can be, it's tempting to rush ahead before you are ready. Many years ago my first real serious long term relationship fell apart. Ok, we aren't talking a marriage and it really isn't even close to what you have gone through, but to someone who is at that age and has fallen in love for the first time, it feels just as big, it feels like the universe is ending.
  
  We had been dating for about 2 years and when it fell apart, I rushed into a new relationship and married the person a few months after I met her. When that fell apart I found that the end of my first relationship was nothing compared to the end of my marriage but if I had just waited to heal, I would never have rushed into something so important. Bad luck and bad timing combined with bad judgement. My girlfriend broke up with me at graduation from high school, so there I was, out of high school, old enough to get married and nobody could stop me, hurting and still too young to be smart enough to understand.
  
  Take it slow, let yourself heal - enjoy your life by yourself for a while. Honest, while I'm a strong believing that people are supposed to share life with another, there are many advantages to being single and unattached and many pleasures in it so for the short term, enjoy those things. Live for yourself rather than for someone else. Indulge yourself a bit. And then when you feel a bit better, explore the life of a single person around people. Get together with groups, but no "special" person. If you belong to a group of some sort [church, club, whatever] then get involved in the social events they have. Have a good time around a lot of people. Then later still, open yourself to the possibility of finding someone special but don't go looking for them. Just let it happen. If you are going to social events or even just stopping in at a local coffee shop for coffee, or whatever, you will meet people and you will talk and you will find someone. The thing is, doing it this way gives you time to heal and helps to avoid rash actions.
  

• LongGun said on Oct 09, 2006....

  Hi gingersoul,
  Please allow me share some thoughts.
  Take browsing your ex's page and all those pics not as a mistake, but rather as an opportunity to come to terms with reality.
  Your post had the traits of deep-seethed resentment, which I do not blame you for. But why carry that baggage which makes you feel like garbage or a dinner leftover.
  He's enjoying his new life and if you continue to harbor resentment and in doing so lower your own self-esteem, you and only you are the loser.
  So why give him that satisfaction. (Even if he does not know about it.)
  If only we can hit the 'delete' button to erase our bad memories.
  This being not so, the best we can do is to make corrections, with each correction as an improvement.
  LongGun
  

• gingersoul said on Nov 07, 2006....

  Dreamdrifter and Longgun,
  i am so sorry i didnt come back here earlier to check this post. But these past 3 weeks have been extremely rough because of my little sister's death....
   
  I want thank you, even though so late, for your thoughthul suggestions and your support. I hate when i don't answer to who takes his/her time to write to me.
  Sorry again.
  From that day  i never went back there to see his page and i dont allow myslef to any pity.
  What is done is done.
  My time is precious and i cant' wast it crying over the broken  ring...This anyway is my mantra now.....
  My memories wil still haunt me i am well aware of this but i think i understood the reason of my failure , his failure, nobody failure. Sometimes things just go the way they go.
  The healing process is on and i truly hope to never, ever write such a self destructive things.
   
  I hug both of you....thank you  

• LongGun said on Nov 07, 2006....

  Attagirl gingersoul.
   
  Before we close this chapter of your life, just bear in mind that it was not bad thing to write such things, as putting your innermost thoughts into words tantamounts to sharing, and it is only when we bring it out the healing starts, and you are definitely on the road to recovery.
   
  Take care
   
   

• southerngirl said on May 10, 2007....

  All those actions and feeling are normal, when transitioning from one status in life to another, we are never prepare for the move, almost never, so we are press into services, our moods, emotions and all of the rest of our feelings are brought into play.

• gingersoul said on May 10, 2007....

  Southern..........hello .....

  Guess what? i never ever went there to watch their pixs anymore....i dont feel the curiosity ....i know they are there but i am not allowing them to hurt me ...

  The process is still on....my heart is still full of memories and it will take some more time to heal, i am afraid.....but its ok....i still cry sometimes but its not more because of him, its more because of me...

  thank you for stopping by...:-) 

• hotaka said on May 10, 2007....

  It seems Jenna is having a similar problem.

• gingersoul said on May 10, 2007....

  Hotcake...yes, she is .....  i thought that if i had hd more time to adjust to the end of my marriage it would have been different....but at the end time doesnt really matter...Jenna has been separated 4 years and only today got the news that her ex wants to finalize the divorce and it seems like these 4 years never existed...all is raw ....

  our heart surprises us any time....this stupid organ who never understands when is time to stop loving....

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