~ Trying to push the negative crap out, and let the positive in, or overcome the negative.
~ I just want the holidays to be over.
Not because I'm a scrooge, but because of other people who are. My dad is a great one for using the holidays as a free pass to be a crabby, sulky, hideous bastard because 'it reminds him of who isn't here anymore' and it upsets him so we're supposed to just 'understand' and let him be a jerk. You know, I lost those people too, did you ever think of that? Maybe this time of year is hard for me too? You don't see me walking around stomping on people, bitching people out randomly and throwing temper tantrums do you? My FIL does this shit too, although he's never out and out said that it reminds him of lost loved ones, but it's easy to tell.
~ Damn, I didn't grab another book before heading to bed, and I don't have enough left of the one I'm currently reading to get me by until my brain tells me I'm too tired to be awake anymore.
~ This week is gonna fly by, as I only work two days of the week.
~ I wish I had a switch for my stomach, 'off' and 'on'. It'd be 'off' most of the time. I think I'd also get one for my brain.
~ Winterization for the animals has begun.
Today I cleaned and prepared the 'cat house'. Somebody gave us a plastic dog house a couple years back and instead of the dogs using it, the cats do. Today we took it apart, cleaned it, and put two extra layers of rug in there for warmth. I'm trying to get my husband to rig some soft flaps out of something on the opening to keep it even warmer, but that's still in 'idea' mode.
I also did a little more work at the gate to the pasture, getting all my stuff for my horse organized and getting her trough set just right so no water can collect in it. Now we just need to check and see if we have a working water heater for her water trough and she'll be set to go. Damn, probably need to get some more saw dust too. Think tomorrow I'll check around and see if anybody has some free saw dust they're willing to part with. The only other thing we need to do is for the dogs, and that's put some straw in their houses.
~ TFYO gave me a pretty good laugh earlier.
My aunt gave my husband some boxes of candy for his birthday to go along with the cash she gave us to go see New Moon for our anniversary (although we didn't actually take them with us, all I wanted was the popcorn). One of those candies was Raisinets. TFYO loves them and was begging my husband to open them.
I jokingly said 'You know, I'm gonna laugh because he's gonna open them through the week and by the time we hang out again, they'll be gone. No, wait, he'll save one for you ... the one that inevitably always gets squished down into the bottom corner of the box!' The look on his face was priceless, and he was like, 'That would suck!' Then it happened.
I said to him, 'Well, it's not like it's really that big of a deal, just open the other end.' I got a blank stare, and then 'Huhhh?' in a completely lost, quizzical tone. Lol, it was as if the thought had never occurred to him that he could open BOTH ends if necessary. I nearly spewed soda out of my nose.
Hegemone posted on Nov 22, 2009
| views: 49
Comments
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CayenneMan said on Nov 23, 2009....
My father died years and years ago Hegemone, hell he died on my birthday. I can't begin to imagine you're father being as mean as mine. My father was nasty, he beat the hell out of my mother many times as she held me in her arms. I probably wasn't even two years old ! He destroyed every holiday I can remember growing up as a kid. He was really evil around Thanksgiving Day and Christmas ! He didn't drink much, but he sure did have a temper. He would bust up the house every year around the holidays ! I can still hear him screaming . . . " I bought it ! I'll break it !" just before smashing something that we really couldn't afford to replace, like for an example the television set in the living room ! Yeah Hegemone, I've got all kinds of bad memories of my maniac father.
You know what Hegemone ? As mean and nasty as he was, I swear to God I still love him today and wish he was alive and well, go figure ? Oh. . . and by the way, I love the holidays.
I like the idea about putting the flap on the cat house :o) .
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Hegemone said on Nov 23, 2009....
CM - I know what you mean, in that as nasty and horrible as he is/was, you still love him anyway. That's the point where I hit confusion because I simply don't understand why I still give two shits about my dad for all he's done. He beat my mom countless times, that's actually why she finally left because I was always in the habit of protecting her, and the very last time they argued before she walked out the door, he almost punched me instead. Well go figure then that a couple of years later I did get knocked around a bit, it was coming and I should have known better, I should know better now. I don't mean that as in 'it was my fault', but as in 'I should have known the signs and gotten he hell away from him before he could.' My dad doesn't necessarily break stuff inside the house, he chucks it outside of the house and destroys it, either in the driveway or the street (one of these days he's gonna cause an accident or get sued), or he puts holes in the walls. There are 3 currently, and another 2 in my bedroom door from him trying to get in at my mom when they were fighting. I don't know, I just have never looked at my dad the same since the night I walked out into the hallway because I heard the most strange noise and he had a pillow over my mom's face, trying to suffocate her. Things changed a LOT that day. I like the idea for the flaps too. :-) -
CreativeWoman said on Nov 23, 2009....
Hege,
If he is capable of that, why on earth are you living with him? Why wouldn't your husband think of your safety? I'm trying not to judge, but you need to be safe.
I sort of look at the holidays in such a way that life is for the living. The people I've lost wouldn't want to see me moping around. I will never forget them, but I know they would want me to enjoy life as I did when they were here. Grief is different for everyone, but I firmly believe you have a choice in how you deal with it.
You could use an old mud flap from a semi truck for your flap. Just make a few slits in it so the cats can get in and out. It works like a charm. :-)
CW
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simplyconfused said on Nov 23, 2009....
I don't enjoy the "grinch" people. My dad and mom bicker on christmas morning, every christmas morning. I always step in and tell them to stop it, and it will just ruin the mood and the happiness and later you'll regret it. Often they listen. That is the only grinch behavior. I would honestly kick yo dads hiney around the world and back. I don't tolerate bad attitudes, and tantrums like that during holidays. -
Hegemone said on Nov 24, 2009....
CW - Because there's no other way, that's why. Maybe also a little ignorance on my own part because I don't WANT to live in a shelter. I've done that before, many years ago, with my mom, and I don't want to do it again (little bit painful to think about so that's all I'm saying, I really am not prepared to 'deal' with that portion of my past). My husband doesn't have much pull so far as that's concerned, he knows when I've stolen the pants away from him, so to speak, and that was one instance that I did do it, no matter how stupid it was of me. I agree with you on how to feel about the people I've lost, and I really do feel that way a lot, which is why it frustrates me to no end when my dad won't fix this or that around the house because it'll mean it's 'different' from how they had it. They wanted him to have the house to enjoy it and be happy, not to let it get run down and decrepit so it would stay the same. Also, very good idea on the flap, thank you!
Simply - It drives me absolutely insane. The funny part is going to be when we move out, when I can tell him 'Hey, you know all those times you got mopey or crabby for a stupid reason? I never really cared, and in fact, I think you're a whiney, manipulative BABY for acting that way.'
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CreativeWoman said on Nov 24, 2009....
Hege,
Is your husband still going to go to truck driving school? I hope that gets you out of there. I don't mean to overstep. I just want you to be safe.
CW
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Hegemone said on Nov 24, 2009....
CW - Yup, he is still, with full intentions to sail through it with flying colors, land a job with nice pay and get us the hell out of here. He's 100% on board with that and keeps telling it to me, so I know he means it because he legitimately remembers it, and isn't just saying it to soon forget it, as he does with other things I know he's not really taking to heart. Also, no over stepping, there are some things I know I've been somewhat unclear on, or have never quite had the opportunity to explain, so no worries. :-)
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