• hitler said on Oct 04, 2006....

  i knew ur mouchtache is bigger but i am adolf hitler u r not
  

• MikoFabulous said on Oct 04, 2006....

  I would encourage you to read:
  Diving-Board
  
  It's something I almost hesitate to share about what depression can do to another person, especially when that person is your child.
  

• quidnunc said on Oct 04, 2006....

  i very much agree with you, thenack. we must not forget the people around the depressed individual - who continues to care for him, love him, and feel his every pain.
  

• brakn2 said on Oct 04, 2006....

  I have suffered from depression for a long time and I am familiar with those feelings of frustration that those around a depressed person can feel. my family got so fed up with my depression that they actually threw me out of the house. The thing that sucked was that I really was trying to get better and I worked and paid rent and everything. But they just couldn't take it. I felt really bad about making the people around me suffer and hated that I couldn't just get better. but that's how it is. I guess you have to really love a person a lot to stick with them when they are depressed.
  

• thenack said on Oct 05, 2006....

  Miko, thanksI wil check it out
  
  quid and brakn2, thanks for the reply, I think if you love someone you will never forsake them for having depression, but it will be a lot easier to give the support, if you have support in turn. The final goal is to cure the depressed person, and that will need a lot of love.
  
  Keep well!
  
  thenack
  

• thenack said on Oct 05, 2006....

  oh and Brack, good for you to keep on trying, I am sure in the long run everyone will appreaciate you more for it.
  

• msinfinity said on Oct 05, 2006....

  The depressed person does not willingly suffer those around them. He/she is ill in the true sense of the word.
  
  I was married to a man who became suicidally depressed every year around October and the bout usually last until the new year.
  
  I stayed with him because I never believed you shold leave someone because they were sick. But there came a time when I had to choose between saving him and saving myself.
  
  While I had considered leaving sooner, I would ot have been able to live with myself if I had not tried everything within my power to get hi some help.
  
  He ended up going to counseling eventully, however, he was so busy tryng to anipulate the therpy sessions that they were a waste of time.
  I myself have suffered from depression and know the hell a person goes through. I had counseling and took medication during our lng drawn-out divorce.
  
  One of the hardest things I ever had to do was to let go and admit our marriage was over. In the end, I realized how very powerless Iwas over the situation.
  
  While my ex-husband never did get well atleast I was able to regain some peace of mind and start a new life.
  Reality isn't always pretty but it's still reality,
  

• missfickle said on Oct 05, 2006....

  misinfinty - my god this sounds so familiar, my partner of 6 years starts his annual depression in october, this usually lasts till spring - this year it didn't really go away at all really.
  
  Everything is everyone else's fault, no once is able to live a normal life around him as he starts to resent that. He has tried to fight it off, but his answer is to drink or smoke dope.
  
  I like you, find it hard to let go of him, afraid that I would be condeming him to a life of misery, however on reflection we have lived at times a life of misery! I seem to bare the brunt of his moods, as in public he changes like a chamelean, suddenly all sweetness and light - his mum, dad and I are the only ones who see the real deal.
  
  I am studying and working, I have two jobs, I recovered from my own depression 4 years ago, although I must say it was not an annual event. I had to look deep within myself to realise I was at times my own worst enemy, and then I had to pull myself together. I had affected my family, my children and my work. Luckily this was a short period within a long life, however the damage is long lasting.
  
  Because I try my hardest to be patient, and because my partner has displayed a better side I battle with myself to try and hold on. I try to support him. However the continual moods swings, the long face and the cut offs have taken their toll. I can't handle him and everything else in my life.
  
  
  At the moment we are apart, he still contacts me, I still contact him, but I am trying desperately to stay focused on my own life - I do hope he will one day find peace, because life is such a waste for him at the moment. Trouble is he has an excuse for everything, and avoids the real issues. Until he faces depression and looks it straight in the eye, nothing will change.
  
  Except for me, because he has chipped away at my heart and I am now becoming very impatient.
  
  Thanks the Nack and misinfinity xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  

• msinfinity said on Oct 05, 2006....

  I thought at the time I was going through all that misery that he would one day come to terms with his issues. Sadly, this was not the case. A dear friend sat and listened to me talk on Sunday afternoon. She kindly suggested that I ask myself one question. Would I be better off with him or without him at the time? I knew then that I had to let go before it killed me. Yes, it had gotten that bad after he turned psychotic. To you MsFickle, my heart goes out to you. I have definitely been where you have been. Please take good care of you!
  

• missfickle said on Oct 06, 2006....

  Msinfinity - thankyou for your imput, I already fear that part of my inner essence has been destroyed, but I also fear myself, when he contacts me, brings me a gift and promises that things will get better and apologises and I think I've got my man back. Two days later, back comes mr depressed, and I think oh no.
  I just hope I can have the strength to say no. Maybe it will be then that he starts to get better?
  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  

• thenack said on Oct 06, 2006....

  Infinity, sory to hear your story but glad you are better!
  
  missF, smoking dope and drinking? Thats really stupid things to do if you are depressed. Its a good thing you showed him what he could be losing if he goes that road. He wont get better if he does not do something about it. But I will be hoping for the best!
  
  This winter depression is strange to me, in South Africa, event the winter months are pretty pleasant weather wise.
  

• msinfinity said on Oct 06, 2006....

  thenack-please tell me where in my post I mentioned dope and drinking? I really would like to know.
  
  My ex had a break from reality without dope or alcohol to the best of my knowledge.
  
  As far as his getting better goes, I'm not sure what his state of mind was at the time of his death. Ironically, he died in a car wreck after he had made threats of commiting suicide by purpsefully crashing his car into something. According to the highway patrol, it was an accident but one never knows.
  

• thenack said on Oct 06, 2006....

  Sory was reffering to other missf (silly me), missFickle.
  

• msinfinity said on Oct 06, 2006....

  thenack...oh, no...it was my mistake...so sorry, sweetie!
  

• thenack said on Oct 09, 2006....

  msinfinity, you know, there are accidents and accidents, I think what happened (most probably) was that he may have had the accident as a result of his state, but not as a concious decision. Like some people can get really paranoid at times and do something silly because of it. But still, its terible! How are you doing now a days?
  

• msinfinity said on Oct 11, 2006....

  thenack-I'm fine. It was nice of you to ask. I admit I get a little loneome for a man to talk to though,
  

• missfickle said on Oct 11, 2006....

  Msinfinity - One day you will meet a man who is on your level, at least you are giving yourself time to heal, releasing yourself from all the emotional baggage of the previous relationship.
  You have been very strong and brave and I believe this will lead to a happier life if the future :-)
  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
  

• msinfinity said on Oct 11, 2006....

  missfickle-thank you for your kind words...i appreciate them more than you know.
  

• missfickle said on Oct 11, 2006....

  MsI {{ Hugs}}
  

• thenack said on Oct 12, 2006....

  Hey girls, group hug?
  

• missfickle said on Oct 12, 2006....

  XXX ;-) XXX
  

• msinfinity said on Oct 12, 2006....

  how sweet!!!
  

• dmckk said on Oct 20, 2006....

  I understand

  As we get older, we not only are faced with raising children, but taking care of
  elderly parents.  As a child of older parents (my father was 48 and my mother 39
  when I was born), I always felt that my time with them would not be very long.  
  Thankfully, I am now in my mid 40’s and my mother is still alive, but sadly my
  father passed away last year at age 94.  
  
  My father was my rock.  When I had questions about anything I would always
  consult him.  Although we did not agree on many things (I was a bit of a rebel), I
  respected and trusted his opinion.  Up to a couple of years before he passed
  away, he would call me every night to see how I was and to make sure I was
  okay.  If he did not call me, I would call him.  As he became frail, he stopped
  calling and my sister took his place.
  
  A few years before his death, it became very evident that his health was failing,
  and he was tired.  When I went to see my parents, I saw it in his face, in his
  actions.  He would often say how sad it was to get to be so old, and I agreed
  inside.  Nonetheless, I did not want him to go.     
  
  Last November, my father passed away.  The day before he passed away, I went
  to the hospital to see him, and saw how tired he looked and what a struggle the
  simplest of things were becoming.  After he passed away, I went to the hospital
  before they transferred him to the funeral home.  As I kissed him and held his
  hand, I was thankful he was not going to have to suffer any more.  No more trips
  to the hospital, no more needles and doctors and people making him do things he
  really did not want to do.  He was going to rest.  
  
  A couple of months after he passed away, and after going through the motions of
  the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, the numbness wore off.  The
  knowledge that I would never see his face or hear his voice again, was
  overwhelming.  I would often call one of my closest friends who had also lost her
  father, to ask her how she dealt with her loss.  She told me that most of the time
  when she was at work or surrounded by other people she did not have time to
  think about it.   The worst times, she said, were when she was alone in the car
  and before she went to sleep.  She described the pain as a hole in your heart that
  is so strong that nothing can take away. . . except time.
  
  People say that when someone very close to you passes away, their spirit is
  always with you.  For me, however, this was not the case.  I just felt the huge
  loss of my father.  I did not feel his spirit with me, I felt very alone.  As the days
  went by, I began to go into this phase where I wanted to move to another house,
  change my car, buy new things . . . I just wanted to change everything to see if I
  could be happy.  Nothing worked, the pain and the hole was still empty.  One day
  my husband and I were talking about it, and I was telling him that I had realized
  that all the changes I trying to make was just an attempt to fill that void, but that
  void was still there - the hole in my heart was still not filled.  My husband, who
  had put up with everything without saying a word, just said “I know.”  At that
  moment it just hit me, nothing I buy or do, will ever fill the hole in my heart.  I
  just had to live one day at a time, and accept that my father is in a better place.
  
  I also realized that everyone grieves differently.   While some people are
  overcome with grief at the service and burial, others grief after everything is done
  or after some time has gone by.   I knew this young man who suddenly died
  when he was 32 years old.  At the service, his mother threw herself on top of his
  body screaming and crying.  I have a friend who was not very close to her father
  because of things that happened during her childhood.  After he passed away, she
  cut her hair short.  She told me that her father always loved long hair on her, but
  now that he was gone, she just wanted to cut it short.  
  
  My sister who also very close to my dad, grieved very differently.  She had
  always been my parents’ caretaker.  Before our father passed away, she spent a
  lot of time talking to him about his life.  After he passed away, she kept telling me
  that she felt very peaceful because she knew she had done everything she could
  to do for him in terms of making sure he was comfortable and had everything he
  needed.  Like me, she knew he was in a better place.
  
  Through this experience, I’ve learned that grief is a very individual process.  
  Everyone reacts differently.  There are no rights or wrongs.  What we all must
  know is that time helps us live with the loss, and our loved ones will always be in
  our hearts.
  

   

• Fallyn said on Oct 30, 2007....

  depression.
  
  living with someone who is depressed is as hellish as being depressed.
  
  depression robs everyone of life.
  
  growing up my mother was severely depressed a lot of the time.
  my sister and I ended up taking care of ourselves a lot of the time.
  
  she couldn't keep her house clean and neither could we. we were children. and then teens....who had never been shown even what it was like to live in a clean house.
  if CPS had ever seen the house i grew  up in we would have been removed from the home.
  
  i grew up. depression became my own life.....i suddenly understood what my mother had gone through......in ways i had it worse
  
  i was in a severely abusive relationship. he spent 5 years trying to convince me i didn't need a counselor....and then the next 4 trying to convince me i needed to be locked in a mental institution.
  
  i believe mental illness is one of the most serious things facing this world.
  it eats away at your own humanity. it spreads, from parent to child, from spouse to spouse, just sucking away at the life in all of us.
  
  there is no easy answer.
  the depressed REALLY need support. .......the depression is real, the pain is real.
  but the people supporting them can only take so much before they too fall into the abyss of mental illness.  and then the cycle goes on and on. hurting and hurting.
  
  all i can say is...reach out to as many people to help as possible.
  
  support groups, counseling.....freinds, loved ones, relatives.
  
  don't hide what you are going through. ask for help when you need it.
  if you are supporting a depressed person you need even MORE support.
  
  
  
  

• thenack said on Nov 01, 2007....

  Hey Fally

  Thanks for the comment, (I hope you are better now) If someone was trying to tell you you didn't need councelling, they are not there for your best interest. Only problem is, so many counsellors focus mor eon giving you pills than actually dealing with the problem.

   

  I believe in a wholistic approach to everything in life, including this.

   

  Good luch to you on here!

   

  Thenack

• Fallyn said on Nov 01, 2007....

  thanks nack...yes, i am MUCH better now....doing wonderfully in fact.
  i still have my days....but doesn't everyone?
  
  and they are days now.....not months...or years.
  
  

• thenack said on Nov 01, 2007....

  Good to hear,

   

  Where u from?

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