As explained in previous posts, I eliminated diabetes and nerve damage as the cause of my "romantic" issues and zeroed in on arteriosclerosis as the culprit of my sagging fortunes.

Arteriosclerosis is exacerbated by plaques on blood vessel walls built largely from LDL cholesterol which, in turn, is built from triglycerides. People with syndrome X tend to produce these triglycerides abundantly so I removed flour products and then sugared sodas and juice from my diet. Once I did these things, my body's marital functions returned to thoroughly acceptable standards.

That might be the end of this part of my medical memoirs but for the fact that no man is a vacuum. I had misdiagnosed my condition as pre-diabetes and professed this diagnosis to my parents and sisters when they asked why I had dropped juice from my diet as well. (they've been watching as my diet appeared to get fussier and fussier.) I then told them how the juice was giving me symptoms of diabetes that worried me so I had taken up diet soda. I am NOT overweight and my father raised a skeptical eyebrow asking how I was so sure I had this pre-diabetes. I explained I had some symptoms of diabetes and they had subsided after I dropped juice from my diet and had cut my coffee consumption in half in order to reduce the triglyceride volume in my blood. He then asked what symptoms of diabetes I had. The third degree continued too the point where I locked eyes with him and said, "I can tell you, but I really don't think you want to hear it. You DON'T want to go there." I would have too. To my amazement, and relief, he dropped the subject.

Telling your parents and sisters about your faulty sexual prowess may well be one of the assignments in one of the circles of Hell. Fortunately, all five of us were spared the indignity that fateful night.

Talk about T.M.I. ...

(Next: "Click. Double-click.")


NEW SYMPTOMS BULLETIN: Headache since this morning. Improved as of two hours ago.
PROGNOSIS: Fine by morning.