I know why all of these people came into the neighborhood saying things like "You know what her problem is?  She loves Ed."  I know why the old man mentioned Roxane.  I also know why the hillbilly wanna be old African American looked at me stating "Someone's gonna sue her."  He was looking dead at me.  At the time, I believe that I was the only female outside.  I don't see any reason for someone to sue me.  Apparently Ed is up in New Jersey doing well for himself.  I would love to know how the guys that remind me of Ed in this park all have had the same freaking haircut.  It's cut the same way that Ed's was when he was a kid.  There is a serious conspiracy going on in here.  Why put me through hell when I have been there for so long?  These stupid people think that it's funny to fuck with my head.  I would love to see how they would do if they heard voices, dealt with thought broadcasting, saw spirits, felt like things were touching me that can't be seen, and then have to deal with a bunch of fucking assholes.  There is no reason to cause an abused person so much damn fucking grief.  My Schizophrenic symptoms are bad enough to cope with.  They are trying to drive me crazier than I already feel.  They are trying to keep me down in this misery.  I wonder how those guys convienently had the same hair color and hair cut.  As I said, it's a conspiracy.  They don't want me to forget Ed.  I want to forget him.  He did nothing but hurt me.  Why are these assholes trying to be like him?  John apologized for beating me up all the time when we were kids.  I can forgive him.  It takes alot of balls and strength for a man to say that they are sorry.  Ed never apologized.  I can certainly assume that he has absolutely no remorse how he fucked me up.  Why the hell would I want to remember the ass?  I wish that I could make all of my bad memories disintergrate.  I would love to move on.  Why can't these stupid fucks that lurk among the normal folk would back the fuck up off of me.  At this point I don't even want to see Ed.  I just want to go about my business without being pushed out of here by drug dealers and addicts.  I am hurt.  I don't feel as though I have had any privacy at all.  How the hell would anyone know about Roxane unless Ed did in fact come down here?  Well, I don't fucking care where the bastard is as long as he steps down from this horrific game playing.  I have a life to live here.  I have to figure out if I am going to continue to wait for Social Security or look for a job.  I don't appreciate the fucks in the neighborhood going out of their fucking way to make me all paranoid and shit.  I shouldn't have to put up with that while I am on these damn meds.  It better stop because I know it's real.  I shouldn't have to get punished for ever liking the scumbag.  I know that it wasn't smart.  The thing is that I know why it wasn't smart, and want no part of him at this point.  He disgusts me.