I’ve been thinking a lot about psychology lately. Why do people do what they do? Why do certain people behave in certain ways? Take for instance me, the way I just disappeared over the past few weeks. The logical explanation is that I had professional examinations to write, and I barely found time to even breathe. So I don’t really need to apologize for my absence. But I do feel compelled to. Because it’s an emotional attachment I have grown used to. So, sorry. I’ve missed writing to you as much as some of you missed reading what I wrote. Let’s just hope it never happens again.

Now back to psychology. As I said, I’ve been into it since a few days now. That may have a lot to do with the emotional drama that I had to go through recently. And it all began with flirting. Now, a little bit of flirting never hurt anybody, and it is actually considered socially healthy to engage in some flirting with the opposite sex. So what’s the psychology behind that? The way I see it, and many experts agree, that flirting projects an open and confident social persona, and people who flirt tend to have more friends than people who do not. That in no way means that I go around flirting with every girl I can. If I did that, I would be labeled desperate by every mature person who sees me at it, because hormone ridden teenagers are the only people who get awed by such emotionally selfish behavior. But even if it was socially acceptable to flirt with every girl I could, I wouldn’t do it, because not everybody responds to it in a positive, friendly manner. How can I say that? Experts say it too, but I have a much more reliable source than mere PhD holders, and that is my own personal experience.

Because that is exactly what happened with me over the period I disappeared. A girl claimed to have fallen head over heels in love with me, despite me having shown no romantic interest in her whatsoever. And all I did was flirt. Now, she’s a great person to have around, and if I was into dating, I might even remotely think about her that way. But I couldn’t, and I didn’t. I just wanted to be friends, and I made that clear since the beginning, because I’d rather not get her feelings involved when I had no right to. But making intentions clear isn’t enough, as I painstakingly realized later on. I think they should declare it a psychological rule of thumb, that thou shalt not flirt when someone responds to it with sentiments rather than giggles. I was enjoying speaking to this person, and I didn’t really see those feelings openly projected from her side in the beginning, so I really had no reason to stop talking to her. I mean, she’s 21. I could safely assume that she would take what I said in a mature manner. Turns out I was wrong. She had started liking me as much more than a friend. And it was a matter of days before she openly confessed it. And that was the start of my worries. I was in a dilemma. Because as I said, I really liked talking to this girl, so I wasn’t willing to let go of that, and having her feelings involved in the picture demanded I do exactly that, let go. So what did I do? Take a wild guess. And then get proven wrong, because I didn’t let go, as was the mature thing to do, and as most of you must have assumed. Why did I do that? Psychology, my people, psychology.

There’s this little need for acceptance that every one of us have, being the social animals that we humans are. It feels good to be accepted, to feel wanted in another’s life. And that kept me from letting go. Of course, it felt good to know that someone was thinking about me throughout the day, worrying about the littlest details about my life, only a fool wouldn’t feel good about that. But I have other people in my life who care about me more than I do myself, and some of them do it without realizing it anymore, almost like its second nature. But what really hooked me was the fact this girl saw me as her prince charming, like in a fairy tale. And let me tell all you egoists out there, it’s an amazing feeling. Show me one guy who doesn’t get hooked by that sort of reverence and I’ll be your servant for a day. So I couldn’t let go, even though I was mature and sane enough to keep making it clear that I wanted nothing more than friendship from this girl. But I couldn’t help but give her some attention in return myself. If she calls me 10 times a day, I had to message back at least once to not seem like a total jackass. So I was only partly in check. I know if I wasn’t actually with someone in some way, I would’ve probably let down all my guards and gone with the flow, even if I wasn’t looking for a relation. I would’ve still been making it clear that I wanted only friendship, but if you don’t refuse a cabbie driving in a certain direction, you’re as good as ordering him to drive that way, and there’ll come a time when you’ll even start enjoying the ride. I know it would’ve one day turned into a relationship without a formal tag to it. But thankfully, I didn’t let it.

I stopped the cab in mid street, even when the cabbie wasn’t willing to stop, and gently but firmly ordered a different route be taken. I had let this go on for a few days, but now I had turned proactive. I met the girl and once and for all cleared up every bit the mess I could’ve created. It requires a lot of strength to refuse a kiss from a girl, and I could’ve even taken it from her as a friend, without being liable for any form of commitment, but I just sat and said what I had to. And I took whatever she had to say in return like a man. So I can state another rule of thumb from experience here, that thou shalt be proactive and staunch when it comes to matters of the heart, lest you hurt someone, unless your ego be too gigantic to do what is rightful, in which case thou shalt chuck your ego in the bin afore you do so.

So yes, happy is the ending. I did the right thing, even if it took a while to do so. But I got a few lessons in psychology along the way, so some good came out of my procrastination as well. What I also gained was a valuable friend in my life, one who I know will stick around whenever I need her. We don’t talk everyday anymore. But whenever we do, we joke and laugh like there’s no tomorrow. She may have acted immature about it then, but now she herself points out that it would have never worked out between us, without any qualms whatsoever. So I’ve grown to respect her a bit more, because she indeed is mature according to her age, even though she got carried away for a bit, but then again, it’s only human to do so, right? So, issue sorted, and post completed. So I’ll stop my prolonged rant for now right here, but trust me, there’s a lot more to come over the next few days. As I told you, I feel guilty about not keeping you updated, so I’ll make up for it. And I'm still thinking about psychology too. So until my next post, the same way I kept wishing them for you when I was away, I’ll let you have nothing but cheers!