I'm not really gonna die, I'm just singing The Hives.

Did I scare you?

Yeah, I scare myself sometimes too. Apparently I scare other people as well. People are always asking if I'm okay. The sentence that I hear most from my boyfriend is "Are you SURE you're alright, baby?"

Yes, I'm fine. Stop asking.

A few of my friends once sat me down in a cafe and calmly asked me if I was thinking of killing myself. I sat back, calmly, and said "I hadn't thought about it, but now that you mention it..."

They didn't really find it amusing.

I'll admit it, I'm not world's most stable person, but I'm not THAT unhinged.

BOO!

ARGH!!

Help, I'm doing that thing again. That thing, thing. That scare-myself-shitless thing. So THAT'S why people always think I'm out of it.

Eeeeeeeeeeeek.

Apparently, I twitch and shake in my sleep. When I have an anxiety attack or something I get really twitchy and shakey, and the other night I woke up with Samson sorta holding me, trying to calm me down. He says it's happened before, but never than bad. But I felt okay that night. True, I'd had a really bad week, but I was okay at that point. That scares me. Somethings fucking with my head in my sleep, where I have absolutely no control. I don't like that. It's freaky. It definately freaks my boyfriend out too. He wants me to go to a doctor, but I can't.

I'll survive. I always do. Somehow.