I love my hair. Its soft and long and brown with gold highlights and curly. Not too curly just good waves and ringlets scattered throughout. Very pretty. Its getting longer and ive stopped blow drying it and the health has improved and it is looking pretty amazing : )
Thats the secret to gorgeous hair, dont touch it and condition condition condition.
Im losing weight again. Finally. Im nervous to tell you all about my latest Lap Band fiasco. Im afraid you wont understand and youll think im nuts. After Remi was born I had monthly appointments to get the band filled until we got it back to the right adjustment that would cause enough restriction for me to eat less but not enough to stop the ability of food to go down my throat...Well, we over filled it a little too much. But we couldnt afford another appointment to get it adjusted...So I just dealt with it, until we could, that was my only option...
Well, we still cant afford it but im no longer "dealing" with the problem. Ive accepted it now. Who knows maybe it wasnt over filled and this is the way im supose to eat... : >
Point is, my diet is super restricted, prolly more than it should be. Im supose to be able to eat a cup of food at a sitting and I cant even come close. Plus my tolerance of certain foods is super low. The diet plan says im not supose to eat anything chewy gummy or gooey or seedy or stringly, basically anything that could have problems going down. This includes but is not limited to tough meat, processed carbohydrates, certain kinds of vegetables...But the diet plan also states that everyone tolerances are different and to just approach these kinds of foods with caution. If you can handle them great, if not, dont eat em...
*id like to point out that this is a doctors diet plan specifically for people with weight loss surgery.*
But in the beginning when I first lost the majority of my weight I could pretty much eat anything, I didnt have problems with any kind of food...
But when I was pregnant i had the band emptied and now we just got it readjusted and now I cant hardly eat anything...everything the diet plan says to approach with caution is off limits. Makes me gag, cant hold it down, I throw it up.
Tuff meat, cant tolerate it. Pretty much the only meat I can tolerate is if its been practically liquified in a crock pot. Cant eat baked potatos, the skins make me gag. Can only have mashed. White bread is a great big no no. Any kind of nut. Any vegetables with a skin. Steamed broccoli is pretty much the only veggie I can handle.
So what foods can I eat? I pretty much live on mashed potatoes and broccoli. Meat is touch and go, some days I can tolerate and some days I cant.
The negatives to all of this: Im constantly testing my boundaries and in turn, have lots of bathroom breaks...and junk food is easily tolerated. Snickers bars go down very easily : ) So does ice cream...My food variety is nill. Eating in public is embarrissing.
So what do I do? I mean, im healthy, I take my vitamins and i do eat a little. But gagging on my food is a pretty huge inconvenience. The weight is flying off of me...
I think ill leave it as is...I can deal with the gagging. The big picture is, my baby weight is coming off and then some more. Im convinced that eventually ill have it down very well what i can and cannot eat and then the gagging will stop. If it means I live the rest of my life on Snickers bars, mashed potatos and broccoli...awesome, those are my favorite foods anyways : )
Just once in my life I would like to be proud of my body in a superficial way. Just once id like to be considered small....I know its superficial and vein, but ive lived my entire life feeling like I was in an aliens body. Id like to look on the outside how I feel on the inside and on the inside im the shit, its time that was obvious from a strangers perspective. Im sick of being the big girl. Ive accepted it, but i dont like it.
Dont judge me. : >
