I know... deep down in this fucking hole that took place instead of my heart... I know I'll never see you ever again... and it fucking hurts.
You made it. You proved everybody wrong, just like I knew you would, and I'm proud. So damn proud of you. I'm glad you're leaving this shit-stained country. I no longer have to worry about you as much, since you have good friends over there who are gonna take real good care of you.
I just wish I was as strong as you. You've been through so much, and I so little. I don't think I can ever be as tough as you are. I broke down like a pathetic weakling and fucked up my chances of being with you, and I'm disgusted at myself for that.
Just know that I'll always think of you. I'll send you emails everyday and wait for all your replies. You'll do just fine... in fact, I know you'll have a blast. Even if you don't believe in forever, that's just how long I'll love you. I'm hurt that you don't want to put an effort on "us", but I guess I can't blame you.
Just do me a favor... don't make promises you can't keep. I'll refrain from doing so as well.
My mom told me it's okay if I want you in my life. She won't say anything against it... because it's my choice who I want to be with. And I put the blame on myself... they really don't blame you for it at-fucking-all. They understand the reality of the situation, and that it's fruitless to try and put the blame on anyone else. I thank my counselor for that one.
I know I need to be strong about you leaving. Maybe I will be... later... 'cause I just can't help but feel depressed about it. I still don't know how to control how I feel about things. But just know that I'll not fuck myself over because of this.
I hope you understand. I'm gonna miss you... I dunno how many sleepless nights I've gone through when you told me you were leaving at the end of dec. And now, today, you tell me your flight is almost a month earlier than scheduled. That hurt, lol. Hurt like a bitch.
I fucking love you, babe. I know that for a fucking fact. And I know I'll be a mess without you near me. I mean, jeez, you haven't even left and I'm falling apart hahaha!
I hope with all my heart that I'll see you again. I just hope you don't forget me lol............
Much luff forever,
Your salad findles... always.........
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I'm fucked up... so fucked up right now...
"Learn to face reality, you weak fuck!! You're a pathetic fucking excuse of a man!! You're no better than a little girl!! No!! Scratch that!! YOU'RE WORSE!! Pansy-ass retarded fuckwit..."
jebusiamnt665 posted on Nov 03, 2009
| views: 46
Comments
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simplyconfused said on Nov 03, 2009....
"Learn to face reality, you weak fuck!! You're a pathetic fucking excuse of a man!! You're no better than a little girl!! No!! Scratch that!! YOU'RE WORSE!! Pansy-ass retarded fuckwit..." *Slaps the demons in your mind that said this!!!!*NO! It's so so so acceptable! Your ALLOWED to hurt, just get some of it out there, deal with it somehow and don't let it take over your life. *Slaps demons in your mind again* *mumbles angrily about demons and there stupidity and negativity* -
jebusiamnt665 said on Nov 04, 2009....
Heh I see you've had your fair share of demons as well.
I just wish I knew how to deal with it. I try to keep myself busy with other things like music, exercise, movies, etc. but I just can't get these thoughts outta my head.
I dunno what's wrong with me, and sometimes I can't help but agree with the voices that scream in my head.
I should just stop wishing and start doing... that ought'a help. Dunno how, but there's no fault in trying. I hope...
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simplyconfused said on Nov 04, 2009....
I know exactly what your feeling with the thoughts and such so well... and you have to start doing that is the only way for things to really change -
jebusiamnt665 said on Nov 05, 2009....
Yeah, time for me to get off my lazy ass lol :P
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