my husband and i have been married now for almost 2 yrs. when we first got together our sex life and happiness was beyond fairytale standards. it was short lived though once i found out i was pregnant everything went down hill from there. we got married when i was about 3 months pregnant. ever since we moved in together, he seems so distant. he never goes out of his way to make me feel special. he never wants to have sex. i have to literally beg for it every night. i cry almost every day over this. i think it has a lot to do with how crappy i was treated in a past relationship but i just need someone to make me feel like i am special and beautiful. he is a very good father to our little boy and treats me very well other than the sex life our marriage is really great.. trouble is i feel like im not good enough and ugly since he dosent want to have any kind of sexual relationship with me. he tells me its just because hes tired, but i really dont think its too much to ask of anyone. he knows im upset and i cry all night to him. but he just rolls over and goes to sleep. how can someone say they care soo much for you but then completly blow off your needs? he is now currently in egypt with the army and has been gone for almost a year now. he tells me over the phone that he has changed and wants to prove to me that he does love me and that he is attracted to me and that he knows he was so wrong for what he didnt do. i just have a hard time trusting him about this... i ve spent way too many nights crying and trying to tell him my feelings that it just hurts that it took such a distance for him to realize these things ive tried to tell him every night while he was home. im just afraid once he gets home it will fall back into the old ways.. and ill just be depressed again. what do i do if it does? i cant live knowing he isnt cmpletly here for me. i dont know what to do....please help me.
Comments
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anonymous said on Nov 03, 2009....
Get more information how to treat male infertility and female infertility. And also get more remedies to increase sperm count naturally. -
brokendreamer23 said on Nov 03, 2009....
ok..not sure how that pertains to this... -
curmudgeon said on Nov 03, 2009....
that would be anonymous spam.
I must say that it feels a bit weird having sex with someone knowing your baby is in there somewhere. the image of banging up against your baby's head is hard to get rid of. It's not that men are no longer attracted. It's more like it just feels a bit awkward. Of course a lot of guys can't really talk about this so they wind up blowing it off.
The guy probably still wants to be with you very much. Just give it some time.
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brokendreamer23 said on Nov 03, 2009....
im giving him another chance at least im going to try..is it wrong to leave someone for lack of intemecy and attention?? im not even sure if we are even in love... -
anonymous said on Nov 03, 2009....
Never wrong to leave if there is no love, though admittedly a child makes things more difficult. As for your husband there is something more at play here. The fact that he was a horny playboy prior to the pregnancy, and stone cold afterwards is clearly a sign of something, something I'm mulling in my mind but which I am reluctant to say absent further information. What else can you tell me about your husband to facilitate a diagnosis? -
brokendreamer23 said on Nov 03, 2009....
well..he has always been very good to me. i dont really think he would cheat on me..however the first day we met..about 4 yrs. ago he was talking to me for an entire week and i mean really deep conversations staying up all night and i thought i was already in love with him..he then decided to tell me he had a child..thinking i would want to stop talking to him..i found out later..like a year afterwards that by "child" he meant "girlfriend"... sometimes wonder if he does this behind MY back if he did it behind hers..and i believe his ex was much more attractive than i am.. :(....i ask him frequently if he wishes i was her..and he gets extremly angry at me and wont talk to me unless i just drop it. he refuses to talk about any of his ex's which i find strange because i am always curious..he did lie to me and tell me had slept with 16 girls then he must have forgotten he told me that many then he told me he had only been with 4....i dont really think he tells me the truth all the time, but i cant prove it and he will stick with his same story. we are always together so i dont know how he would be able to cheat on me... -
starchini said on Nov 05, 2009....
I wouldnt worry too much over it, buy a vibrator and quit begging for it every night he will come around.
I had very much the same problem during my pregnancy and post partum. We had a great sex life and then I got pregnant and I completly lost my desire. My doc said it was bc I was pregnant, most women have sex for the pure SUBconscious desire to be pregnant and now that I was subconsciously I felt there was no point to have more sex. He said women are hardwired that way and it effects some more than others. My husband was hurting the whole pregnancy bc I didnt want to have sex. I assured him that once these hormones are gone id be horny again.
Baby came, and I still wasnt horny. I still blamed it on hormones and my 3rd degree episiotomy...but now that Remi is almost 6 months old, I still dont have much desire to have sex. Im out of excuses, Idk what my problem was, I used to wanna fuck like a bunny rabbit and now im more like "ugh, alright climb on.."...Feels more like an obligation. No fault of my husbands though, hes a fantastic lover and once we get going im always glad i "caved in"...
Im hoping its just a phase...I hope so for your husband too...Dont be too hard on him, feelings like this are confusing and hard to explain. Im sure hes hurting about it too. I know I feel extremely guilty for not wanting to have sex. But its a two way street. While you feel like hes not caring about your needs im sure he feels like your not respecting his feelings...
I do know one thing, begging makes it worse. I know the minute I finally got Phil to stop nagging me about sex, i suddenly had the urge to do it. Turns out I like to be the instigator...
But even with that helping a little, my drive is still very low and I dont know why.
Sorry this was all about me, i was just hoping to give you a birds eye view from the other spectrum...Its hard on the non horny too...
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anonymous said on Nov 05, 2009....
I find myself wanting to concur with Starchini's more upbeat read on the situation, but my male "spidy sense" tells me that something more is at play. By the way, Starchini, I read your comment to a recent QP post...wish I had been in your kindergarten class! Where's my bouncing ball!!!!!!!!!! -
starchini said on Nov 05, 2009....
*looking down, smiling and shaking my head at the anon* -
anonymous said 13 days ago....
Greetings again Starchini!: Just read your recent post. Very pleased to know that you're looking out for Remington's masturbation needs. That's my kind of Mom!!!! By the way, I've never thought it fair that girls could masturbate to orgasm at age 5 or 6, when boys, as a general rule can't do the same until age 11 or 12 (due to genetic hard-wiring regarding semen production). I was somewhat of an early bloomer in this regard: I began masturbating to orgasm at age 10, and I haven't stopped since. Perhaps if I had tried the bouncing ball method, however, I could have achieved an even earlier start! -
zincsalt8199 said 13 days ago....
Did you two have financial stresses like mortgage or other responsibilities that tear your daily lives apart??
Are you forsaking all others?... which one is most important?
Sex, Job/Career/Money, Feminism, Political views, Children, Parents, Culture, Other people/Your Country, or him??
The one you pick first will be following you all along...
Men only desire want two things from their women: submission/obedience thus sexual satisfaction/happiness for both them...
Google it:
Taken in Hand
60 Minutes Australia Under the thumb
Surrendered Wife - Laura Doyle
Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin
Just Fuck Me! - What Women Want Men to Know about Taking Control in the Bedroom
Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World, Biblical Femininity by Carolyn McCulley
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anonymous said 11 days ago....
Hey Starchini: Just read your recent post(s) regarding your trevails with Phil. Sounds to me like you might want to heed your own advise to "Brokendreams" by grabbing a vibrator, taking a bong hit or two, and plesuring yourself into oblivion! Always works for this "Spicolli" when life seems to deal nothing but frustration! -
starchini said 10 days ago....
anon thats pretty much a nightly occurance. -
Taffy000 said 2 days ago....
Sweetie I'm not sure I can offer help but I can say I'm there too. The bad thing is I have to listen to him comment about how when he was in his 20's WHEW. He even told me he hired a prostitute 3 times in one night!!! He's suppose to love me & want to marry me and he can't do it more than once a night with me but he can hire a prositute & do it 3 times with her??? It makes me mad!!!! With him I don't know if it's an emotional problem or physical. Physically he seems "ready" to me but he stops after one time. I don't know why as women we put up with what we put up with. My analogy is that I'm in a leaky boat with him-a 100 lb anchor & I tie the anchor to my waist & start crying to God. I don't know why I can't toss the anchor over?
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