~ I still feel like crap.  Also, the whole house is sick, myself, my husband and my dad.  Woo hoo.  Not.

This whole being sick this has thrown me for a loop too, because I've especially had feelings of 'I want my mom' and I've been particularly emotional.  It doesn't take much to make me brim up with tears, and I feel really clingy.  I'm sick of being sick.  On the plus side though, after being in a fog the whole weekend, I can think somewhat clearly today, for now.  That's why I'm taking advantage and getting a blog or so out today.  I'm not doing much else, maybe some dishes, maybe playing some games,(OK, I'm gonna tell you this because you'll laugh, maybe I'm not as clear of the fog as I thought ... I just typed 'gays' instead of 'games' ... NO, I'll not be playing any gays, lmao) but mostly staying the hell in the house and doing a bunch of nothing.

~ I'm trying to figure out how I feel.  I think in the past I mentioned my mom getting in touch with her biological mother, and also finding that she has two more brothers, and another sister.  Apparently they've all decided to get together and meet, and apparently my mom wants me there.

I don't quite know how to feel about it.  I mean, I have to admit, I have no feelings of kinship towards them.  I don't know them, I've never met them, and all but my biological grandmother didn't exist before a couple of months ago.  My biological grandmother only existed in that I knew she was a terribly selfish bitch who didn't want my mom because she wasn't perfect, and later in life when my mom had me and asked her just for medical history, she couldn't be bothered for that either because she wanted nothing to do with my mom, nor any probably screwed up children she would have.  That was insulting to me, for my mom, and for myself.  I have spent a better portion of my life not wanting anything to do with her.

Now I'm expected to meet her.  Of course I won't tell my mom no, I'll go with it and meet these people because she wants it and I'm not going to take that away from her.  However, I don't want people upset because I'm not all that interested in them.  I have enough family problems, I really don't need to add any more family members to the mess.  I hold no ill feelings towards my uncles and aunt (that feels utterly and entirely strange, but to prevent confusion, I'll go with it here, but not because I feel that they are fitting of those names just yet).  My 'grandmother', well, I don't know.  There aren't any warm fuzzy feelings.  I have a lot of questions, but I know the first meeting wouldn't be the appropriate time for them either.  So we'll just see how this plays out.

~ I kind of want some coffee.  I'm already drag ass, so I know it won't keep me up by any means.

~ I've got a couple of quotes I want to share, and expand on, but that's for later, maybe for it's own post, we'll see.

~ Why is it that I breath better outside, where it's all cold, than inside, where it's warm?  Stuffyness, pet dander, I know, but still ... dammit!

~ Having another case of 'want to say something', but don't know what.