So, as most of you know I am still waiting on my new liver. Thursday night My husband and I were sitting down for dinner and unexpectedly, my pager went off. I looked at it, looked at him, and about peed my pants. "This is it..."  I thought to myself. " The moment we've been waiting for. This is my second chance at life!"  It's a moment we've been thinking and dreaming of and it all seemed so surreal. I grabbed my hospital bag, called my family and rushed out the door. We were at the hospital within a half an hour. I couldn't believe this was actually happening.

I arrived at the hospital and the nurse greeted me with a smile on her face.

"Are you ready for this?" she asked me.

Am I ready? She had no idea how ready I was. They took me into a room, I got dressed in a gown and then the waiting began. I had to wait for Dr. Kennington to come in with the news that the liver had actually arrived at the hospital. I waited patiently for what seemed like hours. Finally after about an hour Dr. Kennington came walking in the room. He had a serious look on his face like he always did. He is a difficult one to read.

Car accident victim. Perfect match on blood type and size. Donor liver was 25 minutes away. There was only one thing standing in our way... Another match, higher on the list and more critical than I, was also waiting on the liver. Dr. Kennington was trying to figure out if I would be the one to get the liver or if he would. My heart stopped beating. He left the room.

Would this be the day I would get my new liver? Not today. After about 15 minutes of waiting, Dr. Kennington came back in the room.

"Not this time. I'm terribly sorry."

I didn't know how to react. I felt relief for the man who needed the liver, sorrow for the family who had lost their daughter, and numbness for myself. I didn't know how to feel. They kept me in the hospital overnight hoping that maybe, just maybe, another donor might come through, but with such a rare blood type and being RH negative, it was not a very good outlook.

My husband and I left the hospital early Friday afternoon. We were both disappointed. We thought this would be it. We were talking about all of the things we would do when I recovered and how grateful I was to the girl and her family for sharing a piece of her life with me.

Maybe next time. Maybe soon. As disappointing as it is, I'm not giving up hope.