It is Sunday, 5.35 in the morning, and since I am too `awake´, lol to go back to sleep, might as well stay up!
I am archiving everything on my desktop on an external harddrive, while listening to Alicia Keys plays at the background ; I saved both links for my own reading at some other time :) . As most of you already know (longtime SC friends specifically), I use SC & FB as my online diary, so it is quiet practical if I want to go and look for something to come back here, or at the other site, and retrieve information I would need at some point again. :)
If you are wondering where the 8th post of this series is, it could be found here. :)
I love how blogging in SC is lending me so much help in sorting my thoughts, myself. The freedom to store and sort thoughts and emotions, that are unbridled, undefined and at times confusing, in a place where I found friends of shared interest and shared passion is a priceless gift, I treasure.
I feel so grateful. Although during the day, I struggled with panic attacks, it is more, of a physical struggle, than psychological. I have to thank P and the girls for their love and support because I never felt so at peace, fulfilled, happy as I am now - I have truly come home, to a special place I have always wished for a family, that I longed for.
I won´t go into the struggle I still go through psychologically in my postings anymore (well, I hope, and wished this sentiment will remain!lol) because I have done so much of this in the past... mostly found under the tag paper poems, and under another alt, that I used when it is really dark times for me, and I just need to release it through dark poetry, poetry that emotionally disturbs P, even if he is with me physically, and knows I won´t do myself physical harm... it is just how it is - simple need for catharsis, and there is no need for readers to be agitated with unnecessary worry over prose or poetry, that I create to shut out the dark thoughts.
I leave you with an image, that made me smile today... it conjured all the wonderful feelings of a wonderful Summer (2009). The story behind the image will have to wait for another post though! :)
Round, like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel.
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
Like a snowball down a mountain
Or a carnaval balloon
Like a carousell that's turning
Running rings around the moon
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on it's face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind
Like a tunnel that you follow
To a tunnel of it's own
Down a hollow to a cavern
Where the sun has never shone
Like a door that keeps revolving
In a half forgotten dream
Or the ripples from a pebble
Someone tosses in a stream.
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on it's face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind
Keys that jingle in your pocket
Words that jangle your head
Why did summer go so quickly
Was it something that I said
Lovers walking allong the shore,
Leave their footprints in the sand
Was the sound of distant drumming
Just the fingers of your hand
Pictures hanging in a hallway
And a fragment of this song
Half remembered names and faces
But to whom do they belong
When you knew that it was over
Were you suddenly aware
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the color of her hair
Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
As the images unwind
Like the circle that you find
In the windmills of your mind
Pictures hanging in a hallway
And the fragment of this song
Half remembered names and faces
But to whom do they belong
When you knew that it was over
Were you suddenly aware
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the color of her hair
Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
As the images unwind
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind
6.43
