I love my Mom so much. That's the hardest part. My ex promised to be there financially if my parents moved here, and then walked away when that time came. She didn't even have the decency to tell my Mom she was backing out on that commitment. And my Mom really loved her, too. S___ apparently thinks she can do whatever she fucking wants to do to me, and that it's all okay with my family. She was stunned that my sister wouldn't give her my Mom's new address and phone number, and actually said, "well, I thought we'd be friends after this." I wanted my sister to scream, "are you out of your fucking mind?!!??! After what you have done!?!?! Who the fuck do you think you are!?!? You think anyone in my family wants to ever hear your voice or see your face again?! What is your fucking problem!!!?!??" But no, my sister just politely said "that won't be the case." I got absolutely fucking beaten by this woman, repeatedly bashed emotionally, kicked over and over when I was down, brutalized. And nobody ever stood up and said "Hey, knock it off! You can't do that! That's WRONG!" Nope. I got to spend 10 days on the psych ward because of the relentless shitstorm, so I didn't fucking off myself then. And to my horror, I learned later that my family had stayed in touch with S___, even AFTER I got sent to the hospital. S___ got to throw that in my face, too. I hate this. I hate all of it. I hate every fucking day of my life. I took my Mom to buy her birthday cards for everyone for November & December, after I got off the phone with the crisis clinic. I think they know my voice now. It was all I could do to keep from crying the whole time. I notice on my Mom's list there is the word "October" with nothing written under it; no cards to buy for that month. Our union ceremony had been on October 12, 1996. I have to look away so my Mom doesn't see me starting to cry. I have to go see the psychiatrist tomorrow, like that's going to help. There are not enough anti-depressants in the world to help me. I didn't have time to go to the gun shop today. So tomorrow I will go fill up my gas tank, drop off some paperwork at my Mom's doctor's office, then go gun shopping. I guess it's a little weird to bother to "shop" for a gun that I'm only planning to fire once, isn't it?