One situation is knowing that someone is messing with me online.  Now I can't get into the forums on Schizophrenia.com again.  I haven't been on my blog in a while since yesterday because I couldn't get to this site.  It is obviously a game.  I'm the one being played with.  I am pretty darn irritated, but will get over it and rise above the nonsense that is dished out to me.

 

I got a letter last month from my doctor to give to Social Security stating that it would be very difficult for me to work.  That's good and peachy, but it's truly boring to sit around the house most of the day, sleeping half of it away.  I want to do something with my life.  I still hear voices occasionally.  The Zyprexa takes up to 4 months to start taking full effect.  She decreased my Lexapro the other day.  She increased the Lamictal again.  Hopefully, this stuff makes me mellow and stable.  Then if it does so, I can start that program and look for a job.  I don't think that the letter is going to be enough to get me Social Security anyway.  The government bites the rather large one.  Anyway, there is a hope in here somewhere.

 

Another topic is the fact that people have mostly stopped messing with me around the trailer park.  I am finding peace.  Occasionally it sounds as though certain people are talking about me on the street behind us, but I'm not going to worry about it.  It could just be voices.  Even if it's not, I don't care what they think of me.  I think that the people I hear are drug addicts.  Remember, I quit smoking weed a while back.  Even when I did smoke it, I was too afraid of the cops to act like they do.  I do notice that some of the people who were obnoxious have looked at me and held their heads down in shame.  As I have said before, I don't care what they do as long as they aren't bothering me.  I also notice that the guy in the Alero is gone or switched cars so that I wouldn't notice him.  Either way, he isn't bothering me anymore.  I don't hear him calling me a bitch or anything now.  This is good.  I deserve to have peace.  I have enough problems with my illness in itself.  I don't need to be barked at or called nasty names.  Oh well, I guess they will never know my good side.  They are all too young for me anyway.  Besides that, I don't need or want male friends or lovers.  I don't need a lover, male or female.  I'm content with doing things without the aggravation that comes with getting too close to people.  I actually have found that I like doing things with my mother.  After everything that I have gone through, I would rather be close to my family.