Today I am very restless. Restless not because I have some physical problem but restless because I am guilty for a crime that I know I have committed and now do not have the guts or the courage to accept. What is this crime that is making me feel weak? making me fall on my knees, making me cry and begging for forgiveness.

The crime is the Crime of Passion. A desire in which I have made use of emotions, deceit, blackmail and exploitation. I have made the other person feel responsible for what he/she wasn’t responsible. Rather I should be judged responsible. How come my hands are still clean instead of being red? Why are my eyes dry instead of expelling tears? Why am I on my feet instead of on my knees? Why am I laughing instead of feeling pain? Why am I hiding instead of out in the light? Why am I running free instead of being locked up in a cage? Why am I able to sleep instead of being awake? Why am I cruel instead of being kind? Why am I devil instead of being an angel? Why am I playing god instead of being a human. Why am I a puppeteer instead of being a puppet? Why am I a coward instead of a man?

What am I trying to prove? Someone please tell me. Has someone casted a spell over over me? What is my fault? Where did I go wrong? Where are all the teachers who taught me right and wrong? Where are the elders who can be the beacon for me? Where are all the friends who can drag me with them to the right path?