So I was on the phone with my dad today. My dad was a firefighter for roughly two decades, has been an OSHA consultant for nearly three decades and even after dropping out of high school at the age of 16 with my mother in order to raise me, he now has two masters degrees and works for a prominent corporation making six figures. When I told him that I was arguing with a bunch of morons who thought that carbon dioxide (CO2) was causing global warming his response was "so these idiots think that if you pop a can of Coke that you're destroying the environment?" Heh. No shit. We both got a good laugh out of all of it.

This afternoon, just for shits and giggles, I bought a case of club soda and opened all the bottles on my front porch. I guess at this point the loony bat-shit crazy left would consider me an environmental terrorist, huh? I think tomorrow I will get about twenty pounds of dry ice and set it on my front porch, too. Maybe it will stave off all of the approaching snow by causing "global warming." Nah, probably not, so I have to think bigger! Perhaps if I can get a few dozen of my Presbyterian friends together to practice singing Christmas carols we will exhale an extra-ordinary amount of carbon dioxide [CO2] and maybe (just maybe) that will raise the surface temperature of my front lawn a whole degree so that assholes in congress can levy some sort of "cap'n tax" upon me and my household.

I think I'm still not thinking big enough, though.

The moon bats say that there is way too much carbon dioxide (CO2) in the atmosphere, so if I were to "do my part" by lessening my emissions of such a "green house gas" then I would cease to drink soda pop, stop using dry ice, and essentially stop breathing. Hey? Why don't all seven billion of us here in the United States simply hold our breath for about six minutes? That would certainly help the environment, right?

No, in reality the left is confused. They keep siting industrial businesses, automobiles and the burning of wood as being the source of "global warming." Well, that's true... Except for the whole "global warming" part anyway. Industrial businesses have been polluting our air since the dawn of the industrial age, but it hasn't been carbon dioxide (CO2) that they've been throwing into the air. They have been polluting the air with carbon monoxide (CO), sulfur compounds like sulfur dioxide (SO2), benzene and other toxins. The same can be said about anything with a combustion engine or any burning of anything that is "combustible" like wood, paper, coal and so forth. The burning of natural gas actually produces water vapor (H2O) and carbon dioxide (CO2) which is considered to be a "clean burn" and not "combustion." But don't tell that to the wacky "global warming" dumb-asses like John Kerry who thinks that we've invented wind! By God, he'll tax you for breaking wind. Although I doubt that if anybody handed him a bill for all the carbon dioxide (CO2) he produced in that 26 1/2 minute blathering he gave the other day that he'd buck up and pay it.

If you want to reduce the amount of carbon dioxide (CO2) in the atmosphere, there are only two ways to do that : plant more trees -- because trees inhale carbon dioxide (CO2) and exhale oxygen (O2) -- or kill more air-breathers including humans and animals -- because humans and animals inhale oxygen (O2) and exhale carbon dioxide (CO2). Yes, we have seen the enemy, the very producers of "global warming" and it is us... If you believe that carbon dioxide (CO2) is the problem... Which it isn't.

If you want to reduce the amount of carbon monoxide (CO) in the atmosphere -- because this gas is not only a pollutant, but interferes with our atmosphere's ability to naturally regulate the ratio between carbon dioxide (CO2) and oxygen (O2) as well as hydrogen, helium, xeon, water vapor, nitrogen and other related "green house gases" because carbon monoxide (CO) is lighter than all of these elements and therefore rises into our outer atmosphere -- then you would need to do what the "global warming" morons are suggesting, such as produce cleaner power (solar, wind, fat people on stationary bikes, Hebrew slaves turning grinding wheels, etc) instead of producing cleaner power that only seems to go "half way" (burning natural gas, using E85 fuels, hydrogen cells, nuclear power plants, etc).

Sadly, I'm all for the use of alternative energies. I'd even accept a carrot-and-stick approach to moving America off of oil and coal and onto these alternative energies, but I refuse to buy into bad science and morons who don't know the difference between carbon dioxide (which when pumped into water becomes carbonic acid, otherwise known as club soda or the fizz in your damn can of Coke Zero) and carbon monoxide (which if inhaled or ingested bonds to the hemoglobin in your blood making it no longer capable of transporting life-sustaining oxygen and after a few short minutes causes a human being to die of asphyxiation).

So now that people should actually realize what the real problem is, then we shouldn't call this mishap "global warming." Instead, we should realize that the real problem wasn't "global warming" at all, but simply that we never solved the problem known as "air pollution." Therefore, by default, the "global warming" problem has been solved. It was a misnomer anyhow, so now this silly terminology and non-issue can just go away. With it gone, we can focus on the real problem at hand without distracting everybody with bad science.

Speaking of bad science, I propose that people who fly private jets be grounded until further notice. That includes environmental rapists and part-time hypocrites like Nancy Pelosi and Al Gore. Secondly, in an effort to appease those who are now all bent out of shape because the carbon dioxide (CO2) hoax has now been revealed, I propose that those government officials who exhaust enormous amounts of their beloved "green house gas" should simply shut the fuck up for the sake of our beloved country. Those officials include Pelosi, Reid, and the embarrassment of the greatest country in the free world, Obama.