My ex called me on Monday after about two weeks of not speaking to each other because I didn't even want to be friends with him after how he was still treating me when we had broken up. He called me during class, so I missed it, and I wondered to my roommate whether I should call him back or not. It probably wasn't accidental, like how people often accidentally call contacts from iPhones and other touch-screen phones because they are in the pocket and touch redial or something, because I wouldn't be on his recent or missed calls list by then. And I knew he'd just gotten out of class at the time he called me, but I was afraid. Did he want to blame something else he just found on me? Did he want to argue more? I really thought it would be negative and I didn't want to call him back. I've been doing all right on my own, trying not to think about him, missing him less. But I was curious, and I didn't want to keep wondering, so I did call him back, and he asked how I was doing, if I'd found anyone else yet. At some point, he started arguing about one of the events three weeks ago that made me break up with him, and even accused me of wanting to leave him because I "already had someone else lined up." I told him that I thought we were going to forget that and if he called me to argue about something that happened three weeks ago, I was going to hang up. And I was serious. He was already out of my life. So he said okay, but that I should have stayed away from him when he was angry, I shouldn't put all the blame on him, and I said to that, I already said sorry and I was childish, but I have the right to be angry, too, and now we know better, except that I was really hurt, so I had to break up. And I wouldn't even be calling him back if my intention had been to cut him out of my life because I had a new guy already, so I asked him not to accuse me of cheating for the 10th time in 1.5 years, especially when we're not even together anymore. He had to go to his next class, but he called me back later and we figured out what the misunderstanding had been that caused me to tell him I didn't want to talk to him anymore. We were both stressed at each other and a little mistake on both parts caused a big reaction from us and was a big deal. I told him I had thought about calling him every single day, but I knew it would be bad for me, and I didn't know what he thought. I was waiting for him to get over it and to change, too. I added his AIM again and he told me he didn't understand how I love him but I couldn't be with him. I don't want to be so dependent on a guy. I ask a lot of stuff from him that he can't provide. I don't want my man to have models on his iPhone and computer when we're supposed to be long-term, serious, and committed. We both need to change some things about ourselves. In addition, I never want to be scared around him; I never want to be yelled at again; I don't want to be used; I don't ever want to cry again because of the way my love treats me. I think he understood. Initially, he thought I stopped loving him, so I broke up. But I'll always love him and I knew all the time that he loved me even though he was pissed at me. I said, love is not unconditional. Everyone has limits. So we talked yesterday and today, and it's going well. We're all chill and considerate of each other; he's asked me for help with school, and hasn't gotten mad yet when I need to finish something of my own first. I think being apart caused us to appreciate each other more. I asked if he would mind it if I said I love him, because it's true, even if we're not boyfriend and girlfriend. He said, "I love you, too." I guess we're just waiting for each other, and I don't think I could date anyone else even if I like them and they like me back. We don't have each others' photos anymore on our desks or phones, but we say we miss each other, and I really love him... I sometimes still feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him, though. But hopefully we'll continue treating each other with respect. When we were saying good night tonight, I wished I could massage him all over; I did that a lot. He said he wished that too. I think I'm just waiting for the time when I know I can stay with him and be proud to call myself his girlfriend, and never again think about leaving. I cannot change others to suit me, but I need to change myself and see if this peace will last. And if he never comes around and changes too, that will be sort of okay, I can get over it, because I have my best friend back.

"The space between your heart and mine is the space we'll fill with time."