I'm not kidding, it's a smelly situation in here...not for the squeamish...
Ok, so a few weeks ago when I went camping...
I was warned ahead of time that a big part of this festival that we were going to was the ham and beans. Everyone eats the ham and beans and tries to stink everyone else out of the camper with the...errrr...effects of the ham and beans on the digestive system.
If you've never met me, let me tell you, I'm very competitive. No matter the competition. So at lunch time when we visited the ham and bean booth that offered endless refills of ham and beans I loaded up. To my ham and beans I added vingegar, hot sauce and onions. I don't like ham and beans. I don't like vinegar. I don't like hot sauce. I don't like onions. I ate all this (two bowls full) with my nose plugged, JUST to load up on "ammunition" so I could keep up with the guys. Nice huh? And I wonder why I don't have a boyfriend...lol...anyways...
It was after dinner, we were all back at the camper and the ham and beans started working double time...I had to go and I had to go NOW. I held my tummy and made a run (more like clenched-butt cheek shuffle) for the campsite's restroom. Now of all the horses ass ridiculous things, this campsite restroom only had one toilet stall. One toilet stall but two shower stalls. As I thanked my lucky stars that the toilet stall was open I overheard talking from the shower stalls...
Apparantely there were two women in that bathroom with me. One in each shower stall. I immediately felt a pang of guilt for what they were getting ready to unwittingly suffer...but before I could worry about it too much I had another type of pang...I had to do what I had to do.
I was completing my business as quietly as possible. It was apparant to me (by the conversation over the shower stalls) that neither lady realized that anyone was in there besides them....and as I said before I was quiet. I momentarily anguished over whether or not to do the "courtesy flush" and ultimately chose not to, deciding I didn't want to freeze them out of their showers with the extra flush. It was quickly apparant to me that I should've risked their cold shower and done a courtesy flush. The affect of the ham and beans was hanging in the air. (I'm sorry for the nasty olfactory image here)
Before I had a chance to flush, wash hands and get the hell out of there I heard one of the ladies say to the other...
"DO YOU SMELL FRITOS? IT SMELLS LIKE FRITOS IN HERE!!!"
Holy Fritos!!!!!!!!
I started laughing so hard I'm sure it shocked them to hear that someone was in there with them. I couldn't help it! Fritos?! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF FRITOS HAS SHE BEEN EATING?!
I could barely make it back to the campsite. I had laughter tears rolling down my face and I was hyperventilating from laughter. It took me a full 1/2 hour to stop laughing long enough to tell the rest of the group what had happened. I am now sent e-mails and often asked "Have any Fritos lately?" from the friends I went on the trip with and all of those they've told.
