today is my birthday and i don't know how to feel. it's been a great day don't get me wrong, took my son to his library class and mother'n'sis-in-law treated me to lunch, even went thrift store browsing. but underlying all the pleasantness is the ever-present well of confusion, do i really feel 24? In the sense of emotional maturity, definitely not. i continue to struggle with all this mix of emotions and feelings day to day. other days are fine, but i would love to find some kind of middle-ground.
for example, my best friend announced she was moving and i was happy for her but also sad and even jealous. it made me feel good that these wonderful people we've come to know have found something promising for themselves and their future, but at the same time was thinking, "where's my break? where's my ticket out?" and of course in turn felt very guilty. Subsequently my mind started going in overload and it ruined my night.
i suppose what i'm trying to say is i'm 24, i have my own little family and life is progressing but will i ever really find myself?