• AlleyCatMomma said on Oct 27, 2009....

  First of all *hugs*. Please know that everyone feels this way at one point or another. it's natural after such a loss that you would turn inward and ask what's wrong. Trust me, you are not responsible for your husband and there is little to no chance that you are as bad as you currently think you are. Self examination is a good idea but right now you just need to turn off the self hatred. In fact it may be part of what has been holding you back. Confidence takes a lot of work but the payoff can be huge. you want a promotion? Act as if you deserve it and really believe you do. You want to not be a follower? then stop, realize you can stand on your own and that you don't need to be a tag along to feel good about yourself. My philosophy has always been "fake it till you make it". if you don't feel confident yet, just pretend you are, play the role and you'll find that sooner or later it really is who you are. For now also learn how to shut down the cycle of negative thinking. if that means popping in a movie you love, taking a hot bath or reading a book then do it. Shut your brain off and when it tries to come back in just quietly try to counter the negative with the positive until you retrain your brain to always think well about yourself. I hope this helps just remember to take care of yourself and try to learn to love yourself for who you are not who you hope or think you should be.

• Painfulmistake said on Oct 27, 2009....

  thanks..thats a nice tip for me...this year is nt just a gud year for me..im a person with a lot of hope before and a positive thinker..but it was just blown away after what happen..i really dont know where to start..deep within me i feel so tired..i was the person who is full of hope and believe in love..right now i dont even believe on love and marriage..it seems it doesnt exist in me life anymore..instead im full of revenge and hatred..confuse and unhappy..im thinking of ask and advice with my friends but everytime i do..no ones their and if there is no one can understand me..some friends advce me that i need to luv myself 1st bt i dont know how..even buying something for myself makes me hesistant cos i give more priority to my family before my own need..i dont even know what i need....and so ironic..i can give more to others but not even give a little for myself..teach me how to bring back the smile to my life and bring back the confidence in me..cos i dont know where to start...

• Painfulmistake said on Oct 27, 2009....

  it so hard when your depressed..my husband admitted just this year that he had sex for 30 girls since he was my boyfriend until we got marriage..do you think i still have my life back..the trust,the love and respect that you have will never be the same..i feel im stupid if im still in the relationship..is it worth holding on?when love is so painful...when it hurts..cos forgiving him or giving him another chance make myself so little after all of those...its hypocrite if he still says he love me..is it love after cheating on me?i hate him with all of my life and my heart..i hate him more than anything in this world..i hate him..i hate him..i hate him...what if deep within me says his not worth it..he not worth another chance..y cn he still say i luve after doing it me..he thut he deservce another chance..is he worth it..is the marriage worthy to hold on?but y wud he do it...cos giving him anothger chance is making myself so stupid..for a wife being cheated 1st or 2x is not ok..bt 30 one nyt stand..where is the respect and luv that he always mention..i hate him with all my heart..bt a portion of me still says he is the father of my kids AND i know i still luv him..i hate the word luv..the heart always mislead me....what will i follow my heart or my brain..or whats the best move to do in my life..move out wd my father cud make me secure and happy maybe..i dont know,,the pain is still fresh..i dont wnt to make any wrong move cos any action i do can make or break my life and my kids future..i dont know...pls help me....

• AlleyCatMomma said on Oct 28, 2009....

  I can't tell you whether to stay or go. I would go but that's just me and it's not as easy as all that and I know it. the only true advice I can give you is that now more than ever even if it's difficult you must focus on yourself and treat yourself well. You can't take care of anybody else if you're not taking care of yourself first. The pain of course is going to be very hard to handle and you must allow yourself to grieve and go through this process. You must know that's it's not going to go away magically or overnight however much you want it to. Allow yourself to have your feelings and go through whatever process you need to. Of course take care of your children but realize that you matter too and need time to heal and need tenderness too. Try to reach out to anyone who may lend you a hand even someone who will watch the kids for an hour while you take a break and cry or shop or take a bath or whatever you need to do just on your own. This will pass eventually. for now be strong and be kind to yourself and just work one day at a time to rebuild yourself into what you want to be. Envision who and what you want your life to look like and then start working at it. It will take time and you may have backslides and that's ok as long as you dust yourself off and pick yourself up and try again. I truly hope at least some of this makes sense. You may very well be depressed and if so talk to your doctor about medication to help you through this difficult time. Take care.

• Painfulmistake said on Oct 28, 2009....

  im feeling better today than last nyt..i know im still in the confuse stage but im applying those advce you have given me..thank you for taking time on reading and thank you for allowing me to share the painful experince that for me have ruined my life..it really mean a lot to me cos besyd the fact i am only stay at home mom..i have no one to share this emotions.i wanted to really shout it out to everyone just to let go of the pain..but different opinion may just  add more confusion to me which may not help on my recovery..checking soulcast help me out.and its a big thing that i have you to  give me advce..cos i have noone to ask to..sometimes becos of the pain,i wanted to go home to my family especially to my dad and just hug him tight and cry hard..but its impossible cos it may just complicate things and i dont wnt my father to worry about me..as you said "fake it till i make it" esp to my family.im still young and i dont know what other trials i may surpass..maybe i need to pick up myself one at a time..i always wanted to take the board exam..just 2days ago..i was trying to recall and pin point what are those things i left behind..im done following my heart and was a slave for a longer time becos  of my love to him but i was not happy then..i thnk its time to think abt myself..i plan to take the review n take the board exam and if possible id like to enroll for masteral degree..picking up all the pieces of  my life and dreams..maybe will bring back the confidence in me and maybe il succeed..hoping that will work for me..hoping il be better tomm..il just take it one step at a time...tnx anyway...

• starchini said on Oct 28, 2009....

  Nothing is wrong with you.  Your husband is an asshole and doesnt deserve you. 

• Painfulmistake said on Oct 29, 2009....

  thanks and i hope he knows that!!!i hate him more than anything in this world!!!and i hope i can still bring happiness in my life and my worth in this world.Nov 1 is almost coming what i have in mind is to visit my mom's grave.just sit down and be with best pal janice and just have a little talk of realization in life..i miss my mom...and i miss my whole family -my father,my sisters were i get my strength all this time..my father,my sister's and my kids are my strength and my happiness.....and they will be my wings to bring back myself together....

• starchini said on Oct 29, 2009....

  Right on, your family is forever your rock. 

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