My mind has undergone quite an odd transformation this past week. I knew something was wrong with my brain when the words on the chalk board began to rearrange themselves and shift color into a yellow rhino climbing a pink tree. After a long conversation with another psychiatrist, I am back on medication and regular therapy sessions. I suppose it is for the better, but I still do not like the idea that I need to depend on someone and something else to correct for my mental state.

I am not quite sure if this was the medication or something my mind tried to distort, none the less the happiest moment I had this weekend was when a mosquito bit me. I do not want to say that my weekend was bad, there was sleep, dancing, friends, dancing, music, hiking, shopping, and more dancing. I was just out hiking and I got bit by a mosquito. At first thought, I was annoyed that I could still get bitten this long after summer. Then I thought, 'this would then be the last bit of summer I will experience', at least until next year.

As I watched this mosquito suck the blood out of my skin, I began to think about the mosquito's perspective. Let us call this mosquito 'Hallie'. Hallie has to be female because only female mosquitoes go for blood, and only because they have future offspring to feed. I know that Hallie's eggs will probably never hatch because of how cold it will get at night. I do not know how Hallie managed to survive, but after going through the past few near freezing nights, she might be the last one living this season. After a life time of trials, her effort to find food and shelter for her offspring will be in vain.

We all have very very little time here, and after that, no matter how much we achieve, on a long enough time span, all of our earthly accomplishments will have become forgotten. Our time in heaven will daunt our pride on earth, and only the ones who have dedicated a portion of their natural life will remember who thy is. For every being thought not to have a soul, life is almost meaningless. For all those going through the cycles of reincarnation, the spirals of circles will soon end. For all those who have nothing after this, neither will their memories of love. This is the only life our current minds can participate in. What sets ours different from Hallie's?

I am reminded of all the people who I am influenced by, and all those who influence myself. What will become of us? I am already about a third of the way through my life expectancy, can I get more out of this life in the next few decades than from the last? I shooed away Hallie careful not to hurt her, for I knew she should at least have the grace in conscious to think maybe something meaningful could still happen for her. She can not comprehend how such little change in effort was the difference in heart living, or her ultimate demise. I think to myself, with great fear, what little action she performed, that had such a great impact on my life.

What small thing will we do have the greatest impact on the world?

Best of wishes in all thy future endeavors & ♥ ∞,
— the one without shade