My second son, 20 years old, came home today with a surprise for me and my wife. The surprise was not about the university or his part-time job. He did not bring home some flowers or food either.
He had his tongue pierced and he's relishing it!
My wife and I gawked at the silver metallic thing dangling at his tongue. "Oh my God!" I heard myself say.
Mr. 2nd Son has always been an achiever and independent-minded. A consistent honor student, he's now a full scholar and works part-time where he, I assume, earns enough. I say "enough" because he was able to buy a second-hand car (again that was a surprise for us), and he was able to spend a vacation with his friends in Vancouver a few months ago.
Now, he had his tongue pierced!
Should I go berserk?!
labyrinth posted on Sep 28, 2006
| views: 1052
Comments
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silverwhisper said on Sep 28, 2006....
why the hell would you go berserk?
ed
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labyrinth said on Sep 28, 2006....
I actually didn't, ed. I gave my son an approving smile.
At the back of my mind, there's a little voice that prompted me to ask: should I go berserk?
Oh well, your question above has confirmed that I was right all along in ignoring that "little stupid voice" in my head.
My wife did the same thing.
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scalywag said on Sep 28, 2006....
going berserk would not solve any problem you might have with it. He's 20....it's his choice.
It's already done....it can't be changed now.
I think you did the right thing by saying nothing
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silverwhisper said on Sep 28, 2006....
labyrinth: but why do you respond negatively to it? if you just don't like piercings of that sort, that's fine, no big deal. i guess i'm surprised by the vehemence of your reaction.
ed
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secretlife said on Sep 28, 2006....
I might be upset by that too labyrinth.
I still find that whole tongue piercing thing a little unsettling.
Plus there's a huge chance for infection.....blah!
I guess the fact that he's 20 means he's an adult and can do what he wants with his body. The hard thing for a parent is accepting this- I'm sure I'm going to find this very challenging too.
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GrapeKoolaid said on Sep 28, 2006....
hith tongue will be thwollen for a while and he'll talk like thith. You can make fun of him while he thoundth like thylvethter the cat. Thay things like "Thuffering thuckotath!"
Once the swelling goes down, he'll probably try to annoy you with clickety clacking of his piercing on his teeth. If you can get past that, you'll be fine.
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Lovelyweirdchick said on Sep 28, 2006....
I remember my mother freaking out when I got my tongue pierced when I was 18. I think it was more that she finally realized I was an adult and that I'm able to make decisions for myself.
Then well the tattoos came along and she freaked out about the whole "permanent" thing. Body piercings and tattoos are extremely common these days and it's something society needs to get used to. Also my tatts have deep meanings behind them and they express my individuality.
Even though his tongue is pierced and he is an adult, you are still his parent and I think it's awesome you are voicing your concern. It shows you love and care about your son. :) Sometimes we need our parents to pull a "WTF" to make us stop and think.
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MissMimi said on Sep 28, 2006....
My 24-year-old son got his tongue pierced awhile back. I wouldn't want it done to me, but I have no problem with it. He also has a huge tattoo. I'm okay with that too, but his father went berserk. Seems to think people will think badly of our family. :rolleyes:
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RabidBoi said on Sep 28, 2006....
There is absoulutly no reason to get upset. No matter who you are. Tounge pirceings and what not are a growning accesory in our society. I myself have my tongue pirced with an 8 gauge bar and have had it since I was 16. I am 24 now, I also have a lip ring, my earlobes gauged out two regular ear pirceings and a nipple ring. I also have 7 tattoo's. Tattoo's may be permenate though its art, art in any form is beutiful (as long as it isnt something lame like a cartoon character or some stupid saying).
All in all its great that your son is exploring his body and things that make him happy. Though I do have to say this as an experienced person. Tell him to up his gauge as soon as possible. 14 gauges are like razor blades in your tongue. The lowest he should have is a 10 gauge.
PS. THERE IS NO HIGH RISK FOR INFECTION AS LONG AS THE WEARER TAKES CARE OF IT AND HAS GOOD HYGINE!!!! Silly people. Reserch before you claim.
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rmuxagirl said on Sep 28, 2006....
I don't think ya should go beserk over a tongue ring. It's easy to hide around people and like RabidBoi said, if you take care of it there's no risk of infection. It's his way of expressing who he is. Relish in the other achievments in his life.
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Smoodie said on Sep 28, 2006....
The minute I turned eighteen, I went out with my best friend and got my tongue pierced - despite the better judgment of my folks. I too am similar to how you described your son; in fact, I am now 20 as well. The scar is still on my tongue. My parents never made me take it out, even though they hated it.
I know you have gotten many posts on this subject, things like piercings and tatoos often are controversial. All I can say to you is that your son is an adult (if only in age), and it is his choice. If you haven't already, sit him down in a calm environment and tell him how the piercing makes you feel, and why. Sometimes, hearing my father describe his feelings to me as if I were his equal made me more willing to hear him out.
On another note, these days a tongue piercing will make it difficult to get a job in certain markets. But outside of that respect, a tongue ring is less and less a sign of rebellion or sex. It is a fashion statement; to girls, it is the new belly button ring. Sometimes we all need to break away from what we feel what others may expect of us and do something "fresh".
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labyrinth said on Sep 28, 2006....
I think that (subconsciously) I did not like the tongue piercing and was really upset by it. But I had to respect what my son did, so I did not show any negative reaction.
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chingform said on Sep 28, 2006....
hi labyrinth, this post interest me, not becoz of the piercing nor tattoo, but becoz of parenting and letting go.
your son is 20 .. from my opinion you should not go berserk, you may voice your feeling ( but remember once is more than enough) haha. else it will sound like nagging.
i am 35 now, grown up and happily married, but my husband and I face extremely difficult to accomodate my father as he still thinks that I am 16. And, you know what it has somehow ruin my respect to my father. sad to say that.
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JadeLondon said on Sep 28, 2006....
At the risk of being redundant: what can you do? He is twenty. If he can fight and die for his country, why not get a piercing? (I have often wondered the same thing about alcohol. I don't whether they should lower the drinking age--or raise the age for enlistment. Of course, I live in the States--and locale does effect the laws.)
Anyway, don't freak. I am glad you were questioning that voice inside your head.
I have a number of ear piercings and my labre (beneath the lip) is pierced. Sometimes people will make the false asumption that I must be a freak or a masochist. For me, it is a decorative thing, something to be different (although I must say it has become decidedly more mainstream).
At least he was twenty and not fourteen and doing it with a needle and an ice cube.
There could be much worse things. And you know, he could get a clear arcryllic ball and you wouldn't hardly notice it.
It seems you have done well by him. No worries!
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Frlncwrtr said on Sep 28, 2006....
labyrinth:
I think I would have felt the same way as you did when you first saw it.
I do think you made the right choice in not saying anything. I would have completely ignored it and not given him the satisfaction of aggravating me.
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Zayda said on Sep 28, 2006....
It's just a tongue piercing; it could have been much worse. And he is 20.
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secretlife said on Sep 28, 2006....
http://www.deltadentalca.org/health/tonguepiercing.html......not to be a spoil sport or anything - I just pulled up the first note I found from the Journal of Dentistry for Children....
He's 20, he can make up his own mind.
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mscarlamam said on Sep 28, 2006....
Do NOT go bersek! Nothing will make your son turn his cheek to you faster then just reacting. I am saying this from a 20ish perspective. We are at an age, which we are becoming adults and we are trying to find ourselves. I not saying that because of this we should be premitted to do as we please or you don't have a say in our lives. My point is this, most young adults my age want to be seen as an adult. If you treat us like children we tend to shut our parents out of our lives. I love my parents and once they began to see me as a person I felt more inclined to involve them in my major decision-making processes. And I agree with what other commented it seems as if you have raised a good guy, I wouldn't worry. I hope I helped.
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chaime said on Sep 28, 2006....
My niece also had her tongue pierced. We were shocked. Of course. Her grandmother went berserk. She almost got suspended from school when her teacher saw it.
But it's her tongue her choice.
Like your son, his tongue, his choice. don't be bothered by it. Maybe he just likes a change or something. You know how the young ones are sometimes. Maybe he's just trying to be a bit different, specially if, as you've said, he's been a good son, a good student and all that good stuff. It may just be his 'rebel side' showing.
At least his surprise was just a tongue piercing and not a girl he brought home, saying 'surprise! Mom, dad, I want you to meet my wife' ;-)
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labyrinth said on Sep 28, 2006....
Thank you all for your comments. I think the remote idea of going berserk was my initial reaction to what I saw. As I said, I'm glad I did not and instead showed my support in his decision. I am consoled by the thought that 2nd son is an intelligent and responsible person. He's my son and I'm proud of him, with tongue-piercing or not.
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queenpixley said on Sep 28, 2006....
thats the worse thing u can do. both my children have had multiple pierceings and tattoos and i didnt say a word, i figured it would only make them want to do it more, and i was right i kept my mouth shut and after a while they grow up and grow out of the phase and move on. believe me there are alot worse things they could be doing like drugs so dont sweat it.
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schreist said on Sep 29, 2006....
Trust me, you don't even want to know all the hundred other things your son has done... a piercing is mild.. and he's 20... He's the one that will have to find a job with a hubcap stuck in his tongue : )
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hotaka said on Sep 29, 2006....
You should go to Vancouver and get your tongue pierced too.
And get a sailor tatoo at the harbour while you're at it. ;)
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sigroid75 said on Sep 29, 2006....
i cant' take body piercings and can't understand
why people would go through with it. i mean, like
a tongue pierce. isn't it painful and iit makes
chewing difficult? i think what i can't undersatnd
is the pain that it might cause. like those on the
eyebrow, nose, etc. why if it latches itself onto
something and the entire eyebrow gets detached?
eeewww....
the only piercing i have are the two holes, one on
each side of my ear. i wanted one more but my
mom threatened not to let me in the house if i
did.
i'm 31. so go figure.hahaha
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Zayda said on Sep 29, 2006....
Heh. I got my nose pierced when I was 37. Nose nose piercings aren't that painful. Neither are tongue piercings. And well, it's not that hard to get a job with a tonge piercing. Sometimes, you can't even tell someone has a tongue piercing when they are talking, but you can tell when they start playing with the tongue piercing and purposely move it about the mouth.
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quidnunc said on Sep 29, 2006....
hi lab, as a parent, it's but natural for you to show some surprise over some unexpected developments concerning your children. but i'm glad to note that you did not negatively react to what your son did. tongue-piercing, after all, is not inherently immoral or abnormal.
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fuschia said on Sep 29, 2006....
Tongue piercings actually have some historical/spiritual background to them (as do most piercings); in the case of a tongue piercing, it is meant to remind the wearer to be careful with his/her words and always to be truthful.
He sounds like a great kid. It'll take some getting used to the metal in his mouth, but piercings and tattoos really are about self-expression. I have several myself. It'd probably be good to ask him questions like, "So how's your tongue healing? Caught it on any girls' braces lately?" or something goofy like that. Have a sense of humor about it - it'll help him feel like you're being supportive of his choice, and it'll help you feel more comfortable with it.
And by the way - congratulations on raising such a hardworking, intelligent, and openminded son. :)
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labyrinth said on Sep 29, 2006....
Hi QUID! Welcome back!
fuschia, thank you for your great suggestions about goofiness and humor. I will do it.
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silverwhisper said on Sep 29, 2006....
fuschia, it's been forever! hope you've been well. :>
ed
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momsrock said on Sep 29, 2006....
I am actually impressed by how accepting people are of it. I wish my father would have been a little more accepting! The big family secret for the last seven years has been my tattoo. He would never look at me the same! So, I'm glad you didn't flip out! :)
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labyrinth said on Sep 30, 2006....
I'm also glad I did not show any negative reaction to my son. He was quick to assure me and my wife that the tongue-piercing (TP) would be his first and last. Even without that assurance, I would have accepted the TP just the same.
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silverwhisper said on Sep 30, 2006....
momsrock: the big family secret was a frigging tattoo?! holy cats! does your father understand that most big family secrets revolve around affairs, addictions and the like?!
just...wow!
labyrinth: well, they can be awfully surprising i suppose if you weren't expecting them. i'm glad you handled it the way you did.
ed
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labyrinth said on Sep 30, 2006....
You are welcome silver.
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adnarug said on Oct 03, 2006....
yea if you go berserk soon you will find pierce in your son's eye.
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labyrinth said on Oct 04, 2006....
adnarug, in that regard, I'm truly thankful I did not go berserk, hahaha!
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precision said on Oct 05, 2006....
I always thought it was a sex thing...so maybe you should be happy your boy is getting some...
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labyrinth said on Oct 11, 2006....
Hahaha! Okay, I think I should.
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