So it's that time of year. A time of change. It's all around us. From the color of the leaves to the temperature in the air. I tend to reflect on the changes especially this month as I was married on Halloween. I still enjoy the holiday although my divorce has left me with a bittersweet feeling in the pit of my stomach. So many things I'd love to tell her that I now have to whisper on the wind. And so I silently suffer. And that was how it was for so long. I'm finally breaking some new ground. Getting back to my old self again. Playing guitar, throwing away old mementos of a life that no longer exists, trying to move forward with an open heart. I can't help my wandering mind though. I wonder if she would like the person I have become since she last saw me. I seem like such a different person now. But in my eyes I think I've become a stronger person. A more appreciative person, and a more giving person. I try to help people everyday in some way or another. I get great satisfaction in knowing that I might have made someones day a little brighter. I feel that if no one does anything for me that if I do as much as I can for other people maybe good karma will find me someday. Wishful thinking I guess. As I see the children dressed up in their costumes I remember Halloweens long past. I remember trick or treating. I remember eating so much candy and being sick the next day. So I think I'm going to treat myself and see a good horror movie and get the love I used to have for the holiday back again. It's so strange being alone again. I guess it allows me time to really think about what's really important and what I want to do with my life and evaluate my goals and dreams. The weather outside often reflects what is going on inside myself. The rainy and often gloominess that hangs in the cold air. And although I feel rather empty, there is a hope that spring will come soon and all will be new and life will get better. In a small way the act of throwing away old things was very healing to me because it was symbolic of leaving the past where it belongs and moving forward. The past will forever remain with me but it no longer defines me.
SlickNick posted on Oct 25, 2009
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Comments
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Lucytorial said on Oct 25, 2009....
Nick, I couldn't read it all, give us some paragraphs pretty please!!! ♥ -
SlickNick said on Oct 25, 2009....
Haha! Sorry Lucy. That's my brain for you. One long, compounded, fractured, chaotic thought. -
Lucytorial said on Oct 25, 2009....
What does it say I seriously cannot follow it LOL -
SlickNick said on Oct 25, 2009....
Story of my life....lol -
SlickNick said on Oct 25, 2009....
Just think of it as one really long paragraph and you'll be fine. -
uniquely-ironic said on Oct 25, 2009....
Very zen Slick! I like it. You are a stronger person for having gone through the divorce and survived. I'm glad to hear that you're reclaiming your life. It's an important step. I urge you to reclaim the holiday as well. You (and we all) are shaped by our pasts, but definately defined by them. Good for you!!! -
Hegemone said on Oct 25, 2009....
Oh Nick, long time no see! Too cool, I love this post. It sounds like you truly have turned over a new leaf. How positive and inspirational. I like how you're doing something for YOU too. I hope you find an awesome movie to go see and get a little bit of that old flair back. Hope it all continues looking up and that Spring does bring some positive, happy opportunities. (((HUGS))) -
scipio said on Oct 26, 2009....
Just read this in the previous post - which I feel is quite appropiate for you...With every experience, a door is open.
With every open door, an opportunity is created. -
simpleChaos said on Oct 26, 2009....
very lovely thoughts. keep up this positive thinking! i have been told that we should think of ourselves as plants and although we are pruned we continue to grow... -
fragglesrock said on Oct 26, 2009....
Hello you!I have much the same bittersweet feelings about this time of year...actually I get that way with all the changing of the seasons. I like your memory of eating too much candy and getting sick :) I can't do the horror movies anymore, I'm getting soft in my old age, I just get too scared! LOL!"The past will forever remain with me but it no longer defines me."Wow, I really like that. Very true...function appear_disappear() { var obj = document.getElementById("share_this_post"); obj.style.display=(obj.style.display == 'none')?'block':'none'; } -
fragglesrock said on Oct 26, 2009....
i didn't type the gibberish part!
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