queenparanoia's tags:

right now i am crying inside...
 
if you see me in real life as if everythign is okay and happy...
 
i am trying to make everything ok and happy...
 
and one of them is learning to cry inside without showing it outside of you....
 
i can't even share why i am crying inside...
 
i don't need a hug or "it's gonna be okay queenie"
 
i just want you to know that i cry inside...
 
frustration...
 
impatience...
 
acceptance...
 
fucking accepting everything... that there some things that i cannot change or control...
 
oh god...
 
growing up is hard...
 
i wish i could be bratty... i wish i could whine to everybody else...
 
i wish i could just pout and be miserable so that everybody else could be miserable...
 
but i can't nowadays...
 
 because...
 
nothing good comes out of it...
 
i won't get what i want...
 
but still...
 
i still cry inside...
 
 


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Comments

  • phoeby said on Oct 25, 2009....
    ((((hugs))))
    I know that feeling too. xxx
  • bhalah said on Oct 25, 2009....
    we all have samething inside make as cry, let it go honny, the better door to open, the better page of your life to write, is just there, you will found, be a phoenix..sametimes i feel i love, just love, today i love you, right?
  • queenparanoia said on Oct 25, 2009....
    phoeby: {{{hugs}}} back to you...
     
    bhalah: thank you for saying those words.... it's been a long time since anyone said those words to me... very long time... i don't even know how it feels anymore to be said "i love you". so thank you for the love. i really appreciate it...
  • Hegemone said on Oct 25, 2009....
    I know how you feel Queenie, and it's hard isn't it?  (((HUGS)))
  • queenparanoia said on Oct 25, 2009....
    hegemone: it is...
  • gingersoul said on Oct 25, 2009....
    No words then. The song speaks loud for you anyway...

    There is never just one goodbye when you truly love...

    {{{hugs}}}
  • queenparanoia said on Oct 25, 2009....
    gingersoul: i'm not saying goodbye to anything. just crying because there are soem things that i deal alone... and it's hard...
  • CreativeWoman said on Oct 25, 2009....
    Sending you good thoughts...

    CW
  • pusscat said on Oct 25, 2009....
    Hi queenie hun.  You say that ranting and being bratty about things won't help as it won't change anything but the thing about having a rant and crying sometimes on the outside is it gives us a relief.  It won't necessarily change things but us humans cry for a reason.  We shout and get angry sometimes for a reason. .  it is for relief honey so find yourself a spot where you can be alone if you want and have that bloody good cry and rant and let it all out.  When that relief is brought to us we often think clearer and then we may find it easier to find solutions to our problems.  Wish I could give you an enormous hug and let you cry in my arms xxx
  • Mr.Strange said on Oct 26, 2009....
    What we look for, we find!
  • queenparanoia said on Oct 26, 2009....
    CW: thank you...
     
    pusscat: thank you... blogging actually helps and it releases those emotions out... i really appreciate what you said pusscat. thank you...
     
    mr.strange: but we have to fight for it to get it... that's the hard part...
  • Mr.Strange said on Oct 26, 2009....
    Fighting only leads to more fighting,

    If you work together, things get done.
  • queenparanoia said on Oct 26, 2009....
    mr.strange: who can i work with? all of what i'm doing... i'm doing it alone... i'm fighting for my own happiness because everybody thinks their own happiness can make me happy...
  • Mr.Strange said on Oct 26, 2009....
    Would it not be easier to know there are people out there that could help you, that would help you.

    that will help you if you only ask, I know a few of those people on here, not just me.

    Your happiness is yours, all I do is help you find it.

    I can give you tricks I have learned from others on how to keep it.
  • queenparanoia said on Oct 27, 2009....
    mr.strange: thank you for your help. i already know what my happiness is. and i'm doing my best achieving it... it's just it's hard work because personally i don't know anyone who has done it. youre new here so you may not know anything about me. but i really appreciate your help. i'm a person that would rather do it mysefl than ask anyone about it. especially about my own happiness but don't worry because there are already people helping me... thank you for your concern though. i just have moments like this where it's hard but i'm going to be okay... :-) 

Comment on "keeping it all to myself..."

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I am a published photographer!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
Oh well..I am supposed to clean the house and....i am here on SC
I am supposed to pay some bills and....i am not
I am supposed to............
its back for more surgery I go......with a pick axe here and a hatchet there........
Could it be?

No ...

Wait ....

Not sure ...

Wait ....

Definitely yes ......