It has been a little over a year now since that terrible 3 weeks when you were in 2 separate hospitals suffering. I am still angry at the nurses in ICU for their screw-up, and am still frustrated over the state of health care, but I am now feeling like I knew you more than you ever thought I did.

Things pop up on television or when I'm out in stores, and I muse to myself, "That's so Grandma" or "Grandma would have liked that." A sparkly pin, or a classy Bob Mackie outfit, and I can picture you in my mind. A cute puppy at the pet store, or any kitty anywhere, and I can see you sweet talking to it with a cute smile on your face. Even something as simple as a makeup artist doing up a girl's eyebrows and I think of you. A creamy, wool peacoat that you would have worn-just show me one and I miss you.

Grandma, I think you would be pleased to know that your adult children (my dad and aunt) are still in touch, but still have their disagreements. Things have not changed there. But Grandma, I feel like my Daddy doesn't hear me, really hear me. We have started to argue now more than ever before, and for a few days this week, we hardly spoke a word to each other. We were both angry, and I know I'm trying to accept the things that will not change about him, and I know acceptance of it will take me some time, but I feel like he may not or will not want to or allow himself to really know me. We have resumed speaking, as of last night, but it was like nothing happened on his part. I was surprised, but I know if I try to address it, things will fall apart again and may get even worse. I now understand what you went through with him, and how he'd hardly really listen to you. I am sad to say that I think you were right, I think Grandpa did have something to do with it, something to do with how my father treats the women closest to him poorly in comparison to any other woman outside the home. He is literally 2 men: one that is nice and likable and kind to women, and the other that belittles, insults, and ignores women generally at home. I try to understand, I really do, but I think I really can't and shouldn't because he'll never change.

Wishing you were here and that I could have had a chance to visit you during my school breaks, since you were living so close to my university. I'm sorry I didn't sit with you at the hospital every day; your adult children wouldn't allow it, for they wanted me to go to classes. And I went because I knew that you would want me at school too. I got out some things of yours the other day, and have started incorporating pins into my wardrobe. Pins in memory of you. I love you,Grandma. I will write to you again soon.