i was thinking today , while mother in law was here we talked and she did the same thing i am doing ,building a wall around myself . been doing that for yrs.  she still has her wall up and i dont blame her.  i keep adding layers to mine....it just keeps getting bigger and bigger. husband called me a cold hearted bitch the day before our 27th anniversary. said to him i wonder who made me that way.  if i could have packed up and left that day i would have.  when i move i will go home. nothing holding me here. kids dont need me.  i dont think even the cats like the husband very much.

 

saw my secret friend again today. i want to tell him so many things. such as how much i missed him.  how much i want to hold him and kiss him and never let him go.  i wanted to tell him all kinds of things but i just couldnt.  i dont know where he wants to go with this friendship. but he did elude to something today which i was surprised at. he wants me to go back to my vollunteer job. mainly so he can hide behind the curtain with me.....not sure if he would but i think he would like too...i would let him........and let him do what he will.