Monday October 19th, 2009
Responsibilities.
There are different kinds of course -- responsibilitity to finish your work, to go to school, get the chores done and so forth. Very generalized, very easy.
But I feel as if the responsibilties that I am unwillingly bearing are too much. I mean, seriously, I can't take much of it anymore. There are people in my life who are so dependant on my...my just being there...that it's nuts.
I hate people clinging to me. Not necessaily because I don't like them, but because I feel as if I can't do anything for them.
There is so much pressure being exerted on me from my parents to do well in school, join teams, continue on tutoring students; from my friends to be more 'open' and 'social', and from this specific person who just wants me with them. All the time. I mean, I don't mind -- seriously, I don't mind keeping them company. But what happens to them when I leave? I don't want to take on the responsibility of being there for them 24/7 when I know I won't be able to; not forever anyway. I don't want to hurt them. I don't.
Sigh. Asides from that little blurb that's been sort of clouding my better judgement for the day -- today was pretty fucking awesome. I feel free, somewhat, at the moment from homework even though I didn't even look at my organic chemistry work yet -_-;;. I should get to it. Sigh.
- Jun
