*sigh*

I just don't know how to act or what to think.  My options?

• Guilt trip the jerk.
• Ignore the jerk.
• Pretend nothing ever happened.
• Be angry.
• Get emotional and cry (although that might fit more into 'guilt trip').
• Confuse the shit out of him, let him act the way he wants for a week, not say anything negative to him, not ask him to do anything, not expect anything of him, and not involve him anything.

I don't know what I feel like doing really.  I feel like doing all of it.  At the immediate moment, I feel like being emotional.  I just can't help it.  I'm tired and I'm mopey.  I'm fighting it though because I want to be positive, I want to be optimistic.  BUT, I don't want to be positive and optimistic in such a way that it's just me walking around with my head up in the clouds ignoring problems instead of taking care of them in a proactive way.  I just don't know the best way to go.

I don't even feel like explaining what's going on.  Shit with my husband, as usual.  Apparently I've been snappy to him all weekend.  Well, essentially, just from the point after he made his 4 wheeler comment and I dropped the whole conversation.  I guess I didn't drop it as well as I thought.  I guess he was more on my nerves than I thought.  The last straw was when he told me 'Well, I didn't hear you.' in reference to feeding the dog.

He was going to go out and feed her AGAIN, after I had told him much earlier in the day that we were going to finish the task we were working on, I was going to help my dad put the ham in, and then I was going to feed the dog.  He acknowledged me when I told him the chain of events.  Then later in the night he miraculously didn't hear me.  Earlier in the day he'd sort of pissed me off when I asked him to do two simple things, and he acted stubborn and indignant and just out right wouldn't do it.  He didn't say 'No.', he didn't say why, he didn't say 'Give me a minute.', he just didn't do it.  So I got up and did it.

Then I told him that it really frustrates me when he acts all stubborn and indignant to things people ask him, especially when he does it to me.  Did he apologize?  No.  Did he explain that that wasn't how he was acting?  No.  Did he offer ANY other words?  No.  He gave a shit eating grin, a slight laugh and that was it.  Now, am I nuts, or might that portray that 'Yes, that's what I did, and I find it amusing that it bothers you.  Tough shit.'

Did I take it wrong?  I've even asked him and he has yet to utter the words 'No, that's not how I meant it.'  So that even strengthens the whole 'Yes, that's how I was acting, tough shit.'  But he's acting like a prick to me because I ripped into him after he was going to feed the dog, long after I'd already done it.

Oh gee, now I'm pissed, so hey, we've passed the emotional phase.  GOD he just pisses me off so bad.  You know, he also made me second guess myself.  I explained my actions this weekend, and WHY, including the things I didn't say to him last night, and he still asked me 'HOW was I acting like that?'  I don't fuckin' know, I've already explained it, what more do you want?  Want me to explain how neurons were firing in your brain and you stumbled upon the idea to act like an ass, and then you followed it out?  Want me to get fucking scientific?

What the fuck more do YOU want?  So then I started wondering if maybe I wasn't just being an overemotional bitch.  Maybe I was.   Hell, I missed a fucking great opportunity to tell my dad that he's an asshole and why, because I was doubting myself.  He asked me 'Am I an asshole?'  I answered with, 'Well, yes, sometimes.'  He asked me if he was being an asshole now.  I had to tell him, 'I don't know, because apparently I may be overreacting to things, so I don't know if you ARE being an asshole, or if I just FEEL that way and it's not true.'

On the plus side it did throw my dad off, but it didn't accomplish the whole 'are you an asshole, and how can we fix it' problem.  Fucker.  God.  Fuck it.  Don't feel like going on posting any more of this.  Maybe later.  I want to go get some tea and lay on the couch ... FURTHER away from my assfuck idiot husband.

FUCKEROIUERauiseporiauweopriuawoienfaslkvn!

YES, I'll feel better, I just needed to get this out.  NO, this isn't resolved because you know, him acting like this is bullshit.  Am I going to pick shit with him?  I don't know yet.  Leaning towards no, but I don't know.  I just need to drink my tea and calm down.  That is first, then I'll worry about the rest.