i actually love the feeling of being intoxicated with alcohol. i like the numbness that follows and the inability to focus your mind on something serious. its an amazing feeling. i dont like it when i go overboard with that drinking though, i hate hangovers. it renders the next day unproductive and wasted.

beer's expensive in my country, easily 8 times more than the exact same beer you can get in germany. and you cant get the dried-leaves-that-burns-well-when-wrapped-in-paper stuff here too - its illegal. so you see how much people in my country are deterred from those vices, and they would lay their hands on any of them at any chance when they are overseas.

alright. back to the effects of alcohol. i like to think about the future under the influence of alcohol because you can never develop anything concrete from that. so its just dreaming in a somewhat realistic sense. i like to think about how things will be in my life, with me having a different sexual orientation and what lies in the path ahead. i doubt i will ever tell my parents, i dont think i'm ready for that and i dont think i will ever be. i think about how i'm going to spend the rest of my life when all my friends are married with kids. i think about the lonely nights when no one wants to hang out with me. i think about the person that i secretly love, and what life would be like if it ever works out.

i think until i get overwhelmed with all the thoughts. and then i'll tried to make myself sleep, because tomorrow will be a better day.