All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

this song is stuck on my head all day long...

 

i tried to push it out of my thoughts...

 

and tonight with another boring saturday night...

 

another reminder why i want to bang my head on the wall...

 

the song keeps playing on my head...

 

listening to it right now brings tears to my eyes.

 

yet it never washes away what i really feel inside...

 

i have come to the point of my life where i realize that all the shit going on with me is due to the consequences of my decisions...

 

it's ok though i know what i decide and i know i did all of this for me...

 

if you look into my life i am lucky. if i follow my parents decision for me then i may lead into a comfortable life...

 

today i had the highest sales since i started doing the hardware store...

 

i'm pretty pleased that i have achieved this. i know i have it within me to make this store a success. i know i can be okay with this...

 

but i also know...

 

i can do better in my life...

 

and this drive within me. it wants to go out and do better... it wants to do what it wants to do...

 

it won't rest until it get what it wants...

 

and it's driving me crazy...

 

patience is a virtue i badly need to learn and understand...

 

and it's so hard to be patient... especially when oure biggest obstacle is yourself...

 

your doubts... your fucking fears...

 

my biggest problem is me...

 

i'm getting fat again. ive been stress eating agian. and i know it's wrong to be liek that. but it hard to face the fucking reality of life when you don't get what you want.

 

and i don't want my life here. i don't want the fucking hardware store. there are moments where i want to slice my throat in that store. i don't wanna continue working on that store. i hate it. i can give you a million reasons why i hate it but it would just bring me a head ache.

 

but i have to fucking do it... i know i could get what i want if i sacrifice a for a little while until i get what i want.

 

this is tiring...

 

i'm tired just typing out my emotions because i keep doing it again and again...

 

i'm tired...

 

right now what i really want right now. is to curled up in bed with you. holding your hand while i fall asleep.

 

that's what i want right now.

 

but instead here i am typing out my emotions becuase if i keep it inside i would explode...

 

and the song keeps playing on my head...

 

because i know every word that song sings rings true to me...

 

all i can do is try...

 

i'll try to change my life... i'll try to get my happiness... i'll try to live my life without regrets...

 

i'll try loving you...

 

i'll try...