I'm sitting at my kitchen Island eating the cheap brand of Raisin Bran. I love the raisins in it. They just add the perfect sweetness to the bland taste of the flakes. It reminds me of my life. Every now and again i bite into a raisin but most the time I'm a bland flake. I try to be a real person and most the time I will tell you exactly what is on my mind.

I called my dad last night. My brother answered the phone. He said hi and immediately handed the phone to my father, no further comment escaped his lips. secretly I thought (GOD YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE.) but me, trying to be the nice girl just says nothing.  He makes me want to start drinking or something. Anything to make me feel better about the situation.

 My dad was very nice on the phone. We talked about how much our little development changed ( i drove past about a month ago but i was way too nervous to drop in.) We talked about my brother and how he has been doing. From what I hear he is well. As much as I loathe him, I am very happy to hear he is doing okay. Our conversation was short and sweet. The way i like it with stuff like that. It's so awkward and i feel like i don't know him anymore but i know that is because i don't. We have not seen each other in like 6 years. I doubt he would be able to pick me out of a crowd but i could pick him out of a crowd. I saw him one day. I know it was him because when i drove by his house a month ago i saw the same car he was driving the day i saw him. It was yellow with two = stripey things down the middle.

Is it normal to still cry myself to sleep at night? I know i keep telling myself I'm over it but dammit! I'm not. How can i be? That's just something that you don't quite get over. I'm even more hurt now that my brother won't even bother his time talking to me. How insulting. One day I will see them again. I've got it marked on my calendar. I text him every now and then and when he asks who it is, I reply- doesn't matter (ha ha) I'm going crazy! So be it. It's better than holding it all inside. Then when he says it does. I say; oops- sorry wrong number. How corny is that?