I really want to learn how to meditate. I have meditation music and how to's but I can't quite seem to get how it's actually done and if I am actually doing it, if I'm doing it right and what i'm supposed to feel, before, during and after the event.
One of my fears is that I might open a third eye or something and I might start to see things I am not supposed to see. I am already a scaredy cat, I don't want to add fuel to flame if you get my drift.
How do I know that I do or did achieve what I'm supposed to achieve during meditation?
I looked for meditation teachers ((?) i don't know if they are called that ) here in the country but they charge a very high fee that I cannot afford them. (as much as 5,000 pesos for a session.
I tried online reiki (if anybody is familiar), thru a website that offers a service called distance reiki, or something, it was a long time ago, so i forgot already. You talk via email or messenger and agree on a specific date and time wherein you will stop what you are doing, have some quiet time for 30 mins I think, with eyes closed and that's it. i didn't feel anything special or what during that time so I am not sure it worked, so just promptly forgot about it.
I tried the imaginary candle light thingy, but no matter what I do, I can't seem to get a grip on the image, it keeps fading in and out on me, instead of relaxing me it just frustrates me. nd that defeats the whole matter, doesn't it.
Meditation is supposed to relax and calm, comfort you, but for me that doesn't seem to be happening. I believe writing helps me, as I write though it seems to me that I clutter my mind more by trying to figure out what to write. It is so frustrating for me that I try my darndest to get to the point where I can find peace instead I just go out, look for peace and find more clutter and more chaos in the process, my mind is confused, but I still push ahead, still forge on hoping that one day I may find what I seek.
What do you think? Should I continue doing this or should I just forget about it?