I took this post I wrote on someone else's blog and am copying and pasting it in my own bIog.
I know a thing or two about suicide...
Suicides become 'sick' in their thinking during a pain wave usually during TRAUMA. It is a coping problem -- a coping problem that becomes a habit. Ideation of suicide is comforting to a suicide, whether they mean to really die or not.
Contrary to mental health periodicas, suicide is rarely or NOT a mental illness. It is a coping method. Much like a druggie who NEEDS to put chemical in his body, much like the alcoholic who is committing suicide slowly and insiduously hidden. Anorexia, bulimia, cutters, obese people, SMOKERS, speeders, drunk drivers, etc ad nausea - all can be considered 'suicides.' Labelling these sick people suicides is denied by society because the death is not instant and so it looks like an accident, or freak mistake. Or just something we don't understand.
Make no mistakes.
Scientists have yet connected the dots...people die of their affliction instanty or slowly...whatever as desired, but they do die at their own hands. This is suicide - be immediate or slow.
We all know suicidals die at their own hands, only theirs is wide open and easier to diagnose. Only a fraction of suicides are documented as suicides. We call the other slow method deaths other things, but it is what it is when we do things to hurt our bodies and health...create death at our own hands.
Finally, no one can save a suicide any more than any one can save a drug addict. Only that person can ask for and get the help they need...and they will usually only do this during their remission stage. During the pain wave seeking out help is not comforting...just like a drug addict who needs his meth NOW decides to seek help. Not likely going to happen, is it?
My best friend knows I am a suicide. My events are becoming rarer because I am entering into remission help when I feel better and my coping is improving during my pain waves. Anyway, my friend knows without a doubt that my suicide ideation has nothing to do with her, or anyone. The thoughts are sick and to ask a suicide to be more reasonable is as effective a asking a SMOKER to quit right now. You cant do it. You cant change their comforting habit formed coping method. If I ever did die of suicide my friend will be able to carry on in her life guilt free. She is the one person I could convince of this.
Talking about it brings relief. It is not a cry for help...it is a simple need in some people to share their need for their drug of choice. Like AA or NA...a suicide A is very much called for...they need to talk, listen, and learn new coping skills.
Talking about it is (rarely) about manipulating people. But it does happen. These manipulators will seek out caretakers whom they have already zoned in as suseptable to other people's pain. Caretakers thrive on looking after others and manipulating suicides will find you and suck the very life out of YOU. A person who engages in this kind of suicide talk with willing drama reacting caretakers are called another thing - psychopaths. Beware of psychopaths, but they are rare breeds and NOT suicides at all.
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP?
1. Listen
2. Remain calm
3. Refrain from dramatic reaction
4. Remind the person waves of pain always pass
5. Call for 'warehousing' help if necessary (hospitalization) until the ideation passes (remember, they will likely be drugged for long periods of time due to the doctor's own fears...and the drugs can be more harmful to a quality of life than any suicide thought.
6. Learn or practice HOW TO INCORPORATE YOUR boundaries. If you find your quality of life is suffering because of someone else's problem you have issues you need to work on yourself. Do it, do it for your sake.
Well, I could yak on all day but I'll leave it alone now. I'll leave you with this, people are committing suicide in droves by many types of means. None of us are Godly enough to save any of them. The best we can do is plant seeds of hope for that person's future. Listen without getting into their hole, and talk to them about future events; and the pain wave will leave your friend faster.
SPEAKING UP
